“Are you sure you’re all right, Bri? You sound weird.”
“Nope, all good. Just tired, like you said. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Look, I’m sorry I’ve been traveling so much . . .”
“It’s fine. Really. I’m just tired. Goodnight.” I winced after my abrupt goodbye, but I didn’t have it in me for that conversation yet again. We could talk in circles another time.
I dialed Josh’s number and put the phone to my ear. Right before I thought the call would go to voicemail, a loud bang made me jump.
“Cupcaaakkke,” Josh slurred into the phone. “Sorry, I guess I dropped the phone after I pressed accept. Or whatever the green button says.” The hysterical laughing on the other end gave me a chill. I’d never heard Josh that drunk. Sure, he liked a few beers here and there, but he never let himself get this inebriated.
“Are you all right?” I whispered. “I’ve been texting you all day and you never responded.”
“Aw, Bri. Did you miss me, baby?”Baby?
“Where are you?”
“Home. Drinking alone, toasting myself. I’m an heir, Bri!”
“An heir?” How drunk was he? “What the hell are you talking about?”
“To an inheritance. Well, the woman called it a death benefit, but still.”
My stomach dropped. “Death benefit. Who died, Josh?”
“My mother. Last week. Guess I can’t go looking for her.” More maniacal laughter.
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” I ended the call and raced to my bedroom, throwing on a pair of yoga pants under my nightshirt and stepping into my sneakers. I grabbed my coat and flew out of my apartment to my car. I was right, this was awful.
In all the years I’d known Josh, he’d spoken of his mother only a few times. He once told me that he thought she left because he was bad, that he disappointed her. He was only four years old, and it wore on him ever since. It broke my heart thinking of him trying to find her to show her what a great man he was, and now she was dead. It was her loss, not his, but he wouldn’t see it that way.
I pulled up in front of his apartment and jetted up his front stairs. A gust of relief left my lungs when I heard the locks click.
“There she is!” Josh lifted his beer bottle in my direction. “My beautiful best friend. Come in, Cupcake!”
I followed him inside as he stumbled onto his couch. Locking the door behind me, I peeled off my coat and draped it over the chair by his front door.
“When did you find out?” I slid onto the couch next to him and took the bottle from his hand and set it on his tiny coffee table. Josh was only in a white tank and boxers. His glorious arms of muscle were covered in full sleeves of tattoos. My ogling was halted by the anguish on his beautiful face. How could anyone not love him? It seemed impossible to me.
“Yesterday. Her power of attorney or whatever called me at work. I’m entitled to a ten-thousand-dollar insurance policy as her only living child. Well, at least the only one on paper. Fuck knows if she had any more kids that she left. Or maybe she didn’t; maybe I was the only one she threw back.” He grabbed the bottle to take another long pull before I could yank it out of his hand.
I rubbed his back before I could help myself. He needed comfort, so I’d deal with the inappropriateness of it later.
“It was nice of her to list you as beneficiary, at least.”
His chest shook with a sad laugh. “She didn’t list anyone. They found me because her name is on my birth certificate. I’m beneficiary by default, how fucking appropriate.”
I curled my arm around his shoulder and grabbed his chin with my other hand to make him look at me.
“You were a child. The reason she left was her issue—notyours.”
His glossy eyes met mine as he gave me a half nod, half shrug.
“I wanted her to see me. I wanted her to see that I did okay. I fucked up, but I made it right. Not that she would have been proud or anything.”
“Look at me.” I cupped his cheek. “You’re amazing. You’re a wonderful, smart, successful man, and it sucks for her that she had nothing to do with that. You did that all on your own.”
His hand slid over my thigh and squeezed my knee. “I had you. I always wanted to be good for you. I wanted you to be proud of me.” His hazy gaze dropped to the carpet. “You mean everything to me, Cupcake.” The cracking in his voice killed me. “You should be mine, but I fucked that up, too.”
