“Damn good question.” I nodded. “He really did seem normal. We had a good convo going back and forth. Then he asked to see my ‘adorable little feet’ because feet were his thing.”
“So, I guess you didn’t send it?” Kate giggled at me as she took another sip of wine.
“Another weirdo bites the dust.” I raised my glass and laughed with my sister.
“Aw, come on. You’ll find someone soon. I feel it!” Kate reached across the table and squeezed my hand.
I waved her off. “It really doesn’t matter. You know I only downloaded that stupid thing for you and Paige to get off my back.”
Kate leaned back in her chair and pursed her lips. “Mmm hmm. We’re so very awful not to want you to be alone. It’s been five years. Enough, Ella-Jane.”
“Enough?Really? I was with Jack since I was seventeen. Am I supposed to just forget that and move on? I don’t care how long it’s been. I’m not ready yet, Katie. Stop pushing me.”
“Fine.” She raised her hands in defeat. “I won’t argue with you. But without you getting mad at me, I don’t think it’s a matter of you being ready or not. My theory? You think you aren’tsupposedto be ready. Ever. Just because your husband died, doesn’t mean you have a life sentence as a widow.”
“In case you forgot,” my voice screeched as I glared at my sister, “I have a little boy at home to worry about. I don’t want to subject him to the losers I’ve encountered through this damn thing. If that’s any indication of what is out there, no one is good enough for him, so why waste my time?”
“Jack will like who you like.” Kate tilted her head and arched an eyebrow.
“Jack’s Aunt Tess never remarried, and she did just fine.”
Her eyes widened before she exploded in another burst of laughter. “Do you really think Jack wanted that for you? To end up like Tess?”
No, he didn’t. And I had that in writing, along with his express permission to find someone to love. But I didn’t see how that would ever be possible. Loving someone else meant letting Jack go. It could be five years or five hundred; I’d never be ready to do that.
It was why whatever I felt when Nick approached me was so unnerving.
“I’m going to regret telling you this, but it’s bothering me.” I lifted my gaze to Kate’s.
“Okay. Hit me.” Kate leaned back in her chair, swirling her Malbec around in the glass.
“At Paige and Evan’s wedding, one of Evan’s friends asked me to have dinner with him, but it wasn’t even a year after Jack . . . so—”
“You said no.” Kate arched an eyebrow, and I nodded back.
“Anyway, I walked into Jack’s first Tiger Scout meeting and the same friend, Nick, is the den leader.”
“No shit!” Kate’s eyes widened as she sipped her wine. “The world is too damn small sometimes. Did he recognize you?”
“Actually, yes. He called me beautiful, and . . . I’m not interested,” I declared, more to myself than my sister.
“Why? Is he ugly?” Kate shrugged.
My head did a slow shake. “Nope, not ugly. He has all the moms and half the faculty drowning in their own drool.”
“So, if you think he’s interested, what’s stopping you?”
I took in a deep breath. “He’s Evan’s friend. It could get messy.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “You’re all adults.”
“He’s Jack’s den leader, and he’ll be around school a lot this year. Not exactly professional.”
Kate chuckled and shook her head. “Is there something in your contract that says you can’t date a hot Tiger Scout den leader? If there isn’t, I think you’re safe. What else do you have?”
I swallowed as tears pricked my eyelids. “But Jack . . .”
She squeezed my hand and tapped my wrist with her finger so I’d look up. “Honey, whether you go out with Nick or not, Jack isn’t coming back.”
