“Well, maybe someday you’d like to do more than just visit. Maybe it could be somewhere you’d want to stay.” The dimple puckered in Nick’s cheek as a grin split his mouth.
I nodded as my eyes glossed over my living room and hallway. My house. My memories. I couldn't leave. And I didn't want to.
“I . . . I like my house,” I stammered, trying hard not to sound panicked.
“Not asking you to pack up now, sweetheart. Just thinking about it, you know, someday.”
“I don’t know if I’d ever want to leave. It’s my home, my memories. Awesome balcony or not.” I gave Nick a tight smile.
Nick nodded and dropped his gaze to his plate. My stomach sank as I took in the crestfallen expression on his face. Our playful mood was gone as we both finished dinner in silence.
After Nick helped me with the dishes—still without uttering a single word—I followed him into my living room. He plopped onto my couch and leaned his head all the way back, dragging his hand down his face.
I climbed into his lap and nestled my head against his chest. The chill in the room dropped a hundred degrees when he didn’t wrap his arms around me.
“You okay? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this quiet.” I let out a nervous chuckle as he turned to me.
“Let me ask you something.” Nick spread his arms along the back of my couch, frowning as his eyes narrowed. “What do you see for us?”
“See for us?” My brows knitted together. “I don’t understand what you mean?”
His chest heaved as his finger drifted down my cheek. “I’ll tell you what I see. Coming home to you, every single day after every single shift. Crawling into bed with you, you signing my last name. I think of my future, and I’m clueless about it other than the fact I want it with you.” Nick’s expression hardened as he laughed to himself. “I thought, maybe you wanted memories with me. Afuturewith me.”
“Of course, I want that. What’s the rush?”
“I saw the color drain out of your face not half an hour ago at the mention of moving in with me. Maybe I’m looking forward to a someday that won’t come. Maybe I’m just the here and now, but your forever is still with a ghost.” Nick huffed and looked away.
“That’s not fair,” I said through gritted teeth as I jumped off his lap. “Just because I don’t want to move doesn’t mean I don’t want you. I shouldn’t have to choose. This . . .” I motioned around the room. “This is my home.”
“Your home with Jack.” Nick leveled his eyes at me as he stood from the couch.
“Yes. Yes, it was.” I crossed my arms as I inched closer. “You always knew that.”
“I did.” He nodded as he gave me an icy stare. “I also thought I was more than a placeholder.”
My eyes widened as my hands balled into fists. “And I thought I was more than a do-over.”
Nick’s mouth fell open. “A do-over?Is that what you really think? Do you have the first clue about how I feel about you? I want to know if you think you’ll ever finally be ready for a future—”
“I don’t know!” I blurted out.
Nick’s piercing glare stabbed me, leaving me desperate to take back those three words, no matter how true they were. If only I could rewind the last fifteen minutes, before the love I fought so hard to let myself accept imploded around me.
I loved Nick, yes. I loved him more than I thought I was capable of again. But I wasn’t ready for switching houses and marriage just yet. Didn’t mean I wouldn’t be, and I couldn’t understand why it had to be a rush. It took so long for me to even consider moving on; why did it all have to go at warp speed now? And because I wasn’t ready when he was, why did that have to be a deal-breaker?
I stormed into my kitchen and clutched the edge of the counter. I wouldn’t turn at Nick’s slow footsteps behind me. He reached around me and placed the key on the counter. My chin quivered when the meaning behind the gesture sank in.
“I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “And I don’t know how else to be but all in with you. When you figure out what you want, if you want it, let me know.” He pressed a kiss to the back of my head and lingered for a moment. I bit my lip, trying in vain to stop the tear from rolling down my cheek. Frozen in place, I wouldn’t let the sobs out until my front door creaked open and shut.
My hands shook as I wiped the wetness off my face.What the hell just happened?Nick had no right to tell me what I should want and when I should want it. But when he walked away from me, none of that mattered anymore.
In fighting so hard to keep my house, I’d lost everything else.
“I HAVE NEVERseen so many kids out sick at once,” Callie, my teacher’s aide, noted as she looked around the classroom. “I’ve used so many antibacterial wipes, the palms of my hands are about to crack.”
“Stomach viruses spread like wildfire.” I shrugged as I packed my bag. “They come and go quickly. We got spared the last time, right?”
“Half the school has it. This is a stomach virus on steroids.” Callie arched an eyebrow as she wiped off the last desk.
