I dragged my hand down my face and shook my head.
“Mommy, your face is red.” Jack crinkled his nose and pointed at me.
“No, it’s not. Go in the living room, and we’ll set up the movie.” I shoved my son into the living room and peeked at the screen.
Nick: I bet you’re blushing, too. How many freckles can you count?
Me: So, you’re going to bust my chops all night?
Nick: Looks that way. You love it, even if you can’t admit it.
I followed Jack into the living room and threw my phone on the end table. We settled on the couch with yet another SpongeBob movie. The overwhelming temptation to answer Nick never even entered my consciousness. Right. Damn him for making denial so hard.
I crawled into bed, dead tired as usual. I loved my kindergarten kids and my son, but they wore me out. I considered that a good thing. Passing right out meant I didn’t have to dwell on anything—loneliness, worry about my son as he got older with no father to guide him, and missing Jack. If I let my mind go idle too long, that was always where it ended up.
Nick: Something I said?
If I were Nick, I’d move on to one of the other moms at school. Somehow, for some reason, his attention focused on me and didn’t waver. But I liked the attention. I likedhim. Why did that feel like such an awful thing?
Me: No. I had to get Jack into bed. I promised him a movie if he finished his homework before dinner.
Nick: SpongeBob?
Me: Of course. What time do you work until?
Nick: 7 am.
Me: Ouch.
Nick: Exactly. I may be a little tired at Scouts on Tuesday. I have three more night shifts.
Me: Need me to lead? Although the moms probably would be disappointed. Especially Susan.
Nick: You’d be the only one I’d let cover for me. And that includes the dads.
Me: I teach five-year-olds. I’m used to a tough crowd.
Nick: No, that’s not it. You’re smart and determined. Jack is lucky to have a mom like you.
Me: Thank you for saying that. Most days I feel like I fall short.
Nick: No. Never. You just are short.
Me: Haha. Never heard a short joke before.
Nick: No one else is allowed to make short jokes now but me.
Me: Is that so?
Nick: Yep. No one messes with my freckles.
Me: Your freckles?
Nick: That’s right. One day you’ll stop fighting me. And I can’t wait.
I wanted to stop fighting. I wanted to be his freckles, but I couldn’t. Even after five years, I still belonged to Jack.Didn’t I?
Me: I better get to sleep. Early day tomorrow. Be careful tonight.
