I smile.
“Of course it is. And you have always been an amazing mum.”
“I have tried. I know I haven’t always got it right.”
“Sadly, life doesn’t come with a dress rehearsal, it’s a one-take only, there are no do-overs. All we can do is use the information that’s available to us at the time.”
Mum inclines her head.
“Ah, you’re talking about Jaxson,” I say.
My head turns sharply, shifting my body. Callum grumbles, so I shift him slightly, rubbing soothing circles on his back.
She offers me a sly smile.
“You think I didn’t know about you and Jaxson? Oh, Kathryn, I’m your mother, and the feelings you had for one another were plain to anyone who saw you together.”
I open and close my mouth. Finally raising my eyebrows.
My brothers had no idea, thank heavens.
Mum’s smile widens. “Ah, but they weren’t looking,” she says, with a knowing smile.
I remain silent, not wanting to incriminate myself.
“I don’t know what happened between you,” Mum says, patting my arm. “Although I have my suspicions. But take it from me, Jaxson Lockwood is a good man, Kat.”
“How do you know that?” I ask, before I can stop myself.
“A mother’s intuition. Plus, Jaxson looks at you the same way your father used to look at me, even while you’ve been fighting.” She sighs. “All I’ll say is, don’t let pride or work overshadow finding true happiness. If losing your father taught me one thing, it’s to grasp life and enjoy every moment. All the years I spent with your father, despite the heartbreak of losing him, I would not have chosen a different path, or changed a moment of the time we spent together.”
I bite my lip, blinking rapidly.
“Jax and I are different. We’re working together now. The board would never go for it. They’d lose respect for me, everything I’ve worked for.”
“Kathryn Brooke Frazer, that’s total bull-shit,” she says, her face hardening. “Firstly, you’ve run that company better than any of your predecessors, and secondly, no one should have control over your life but you. It’s not like Jaxson’s a convicted criminal. He’s a highly intelligent, self-made man who runs his own successful business.”
I sigh.
“I know you’re right, but there’s a lot of history between us. I’m not sure we can get past it,” I admit.
“Your father and I didn’t start off on the best footing. I’m not sure you can when you’re forced to marry someone you barely know, but we opened ourselves up to the possibilities offered to us, and you know where that took us. You and Jaxson are no different.”
I drop my head onto Mum’s shoulder, and she wraps her arms around me, careful not to squash the still sleeping Callum.
“You don’t have to always be strong,” she whispers against my hair.
“I’m not sure I know how to be anything else. If I let go, what happens if it all comes crashing down and I can’t get back up again?” I admit quietly.
“And if it does? So what?” She cups my face, forcing me to meet her gaze. “You have a family who loves you, who’ll help pick you up if you need them to.” She pats my cheek. “Not that I think your life will crumble. You’re so like your father. Industrious, disciplined and oh-so-focused.” She smiles at me, her eyes glistening. “He wasn’t always the easiest man to love, especially in the beginning. He’d built so many walls around himself, but when he loved, he loved with his whole heart. I think you’re the same.”
I’ve never heard my mother speak of Dad in this way.
Her thumb rubs my cheek, and I realise she’s wiping away tears.
“But I loved him with my entire being, adored him. Because he was the other half of my soul, as I was his.”
“How do you do it? How do you go on?”
