Christmas this year is different.
Is it because we now have new family members to replace those we’ve lost?
Mum has invited everyone to join us. Leah’s parents, Di and Julian, April’s foster mum and dad, and Louise, Pen’s mum. Sarah and Tim, April’s biological mother and stepfather, are arriving with their children for New Year’s. The idea of shipping all of Lois and Nick’s Christmas presents down was too much.
I miss Harper.
My little sister loves Christmas. She’d put on Christmas shows growing up, I’d play the piano, while she’d sing and dance. Not to mention her job as chief present distributor. She’d clamber under the tree in her PJs, handing out all the presents. When she was little, Elijah and I would help her with the name tags.
This year, she’s been invited to spend it with Mum’s friend and her grumpy son, AKA Harper’s boss. It’s still too risky for her to come home. We video called earlier when I arrived, and I have to admit, she looks well. Probably better than she has in a while. But then they saya change is as good as a rest.In Harper’s case, it seems true.
“You’re quiet,” Mum says, taking a seat on the sofa next to me.
The little body snuggled against my chest wiggles, but settles back down.
“Enjoying the peace and quiet,” I say with a smile. “It’s been a manic month.”
“But productive?”
“Always.”
“Your father would be so proud. He loved this time of year at the hotels. Crazy, he’d say, but electric.”
Her tone is wistful. I don’t know how she does it. She and Dad were a team, but despite losing him in such a tragic way, she’s soldiered on, rebuilt her life.
“But he would also say, you need a balance. He would never forgo the holidays. Spending time with the family.”
Here it comes.
“You need to create a balance, Kathryn.” I turn my head, and she holds up a hand when I open my mouth. “I’m worried about you. After everything that has come out this year. It’s like you’ve buried your feelings. I didn’t push you that night. I understand the need to process your feelings better than most. But, my darling, there’s more to life than FHG, but you aren’t going to uncover it stuck in an office, or the hotel twenty-four-seven.”
I turn away and drop a kiss on Callum’s sleeping head. He smiles in his sleep and snuggles closer.
He asked to climb on my knee almost as soon as I arrived. My little buddy.
Leah is enormous with the twins, but she’s made it to her final trimester, which is a bonus, so I was only too happy to oblige.
“I know this might seem hard to believe, but I’m happy, Mum. I love my job,” I say. “As for Zach and his affair…”
I can’t bring myself to say Darra’s name. It still turns my stomach to think of them together in our space. Not because I loved him. I’ve realised now that what I felt for Zach wasn’t love, it was more sisterly, a companionship. It’s more because of the smug feeling Darra would have felt. That it gave her power over me, us.
“People have affairs all the time. I’m not entirely blameless. After Dad passed.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat.
Mum must sense it as she places a hand on my arm and squeezes.
Our eyes meet.
“After Dad passed, I was too busy trying to establish myself. I just wanted to prove I was the right person to take the FHG forward and could keep the business running. When I look back, I was never home. Despite when their affair started, Zach would have probably strayed, and I can’t blame him for that. By the end, we were more roommates than lovers.”
“That’s no excuse. Zach should have left if he wanted to carry on with someone else. Been man enough.”
“Maybe, but sometimes life isn’t as cut and dried as we would like.”
She gives my arm another squeeze before letting it go.
“It’s a mother’s prerogative to worry about her children.”
