“I know you’ve been hurt.” Ryder’s voice was low, but his eyes flashed to that of his wolf, and for some reason, some of the noise in Jax’s head quieted. He could tell right then that Ryder was fighting his wolf because he was so angry on Jax’s behalf. “Hurt by other alphas.I don’t expect you to tell me everything … or anything really,” Ryder added quickly, “but I need you to know that I would never hurt you.”
Jax gently laid his fork down. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding it in the air. He folded his hands in his lap and stared at Ryder. How could he not know? How could he believe that? Jax shook his head. “Never in a million years would I ever think that you would hurt me.” Maybe when he’d first arrived, but he’d been scared of everything back then. “You’ve proven time and again that you are there to protect Tabby and me. So, I trust you, Ryder. I never want you to doubt that.”
More of the tension drained out of Ryder, and he smiled. “That’s a relief.”
“I’m so sorry you believed that,” Jax whispered. For so long, he hadn’t known what being safe meant, even after being rescued. Then he’d moved in with Ryder, and the alpha had been so caring toward him, caring toward his daughter. The first day Ryder had returned to work after Jax had started feeling better—even though he’d had people visit all day—it wasn’t till Ryder got home that he’d felt safe again.
Ryder shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize for that. I think I’m the one who owes you an apology.”
He frowned. What on earth could Ryder think he had to apologize for? Ryder must have read the confusion on his face because he said, “The other night, things heated up between us. But then you fell asleep, and afterward, it was as if it never even happened. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. If you’re not ready for more. I’m sorry for pushing you.”
Jax’s jaw dropped slightly, and his fork fell from his hand again. “Are you serious?” He shook his head. “I wanted things to happen again between us. I was hoping they would, but it seemed like”—he shrugged—“I don’t know … I wasn’t sure if you were still …”
Ryder laughed. “I will always be still …”
He had to chuckle at Ryder’s gesturing, but his mouth dried when Ryder added, “It took every bit of my self-control not to pick you up in my arms and take you to my bed at breakfast.” Why didn’t hearing that scare him?
Remember what Dr. Alana said, you’re allowed to want your mate. What happened in the past doesn’t have to define your future.
With that reminder, he let out a breath.
His mate smiled at him, then went back to speaking. “I was only giving you time to make sure you knew what you wanted.” Ryder’s voice was sincere. “I never want you to feel like you don’t have a choice. When it comes to me, to us, I need you to know you always do, Jax.”
He’d known that, but hearing it helped. It really did. Still, they needed to get this whole communicating thing down. He’d spent the last week fretting when he could have been with his mate. “I wanted you, too,” Jax breathed. “I still want you.”
Ryder beamed, his eyes sparkling like he’d been handed a Christmas, birthday, and surprise lottery winning all in one go. At least, Jax imagined that was the case.
“Well, good,” his mate said and went back to eating.
Jax’s lips twitched as he watched Ryder push the food around for a while.
One. Two Three. Four.
“You know, I had a big lunch so …” That blush returned. Should he love seeing his mate blush so much? Did alphas even blush?
Who cares? Yours does. And it’s awesome.
Playing along, Jax said, “You know now that you mention it, I am pretty full too.”
Ryder beamed as he got to his feet. He stopped beside Jax’s seat and held out his hand. Jax slipped his hand into Ryder’s and stood.
“Hi,” Ryder said, holding his gaze and letting Jax see the happiness there. It stole his breath away.
He stepped into Ryder’s body, and his alpha’s arms immediately went around him. Ryder lowered his head, joining their lips together. He let Jax lead the kiss, slow and sensual, at first. Jax knew Ryder would always let him set the pace. So he let his tongue seek out Ryder’s. His mate groaned, tightening his arms around him.
They had finally reached their moment, and Jax didn’t want to wait a minute longer. Ryder was the dream that had kept him going those bleak days and nights. And now he was here. And more than Jax could have ever imagined.
Ryder crashed his lips to Jax’s the minute they hit Ryder’s bedroom. Jax felt like he’d been waiting for this moment for so long. He sighed as soon as they made the heated connection. As they kissed, Ryder stroked down his side, then down his back. The caresses lighted up his body. Jax’s body reacted, his cock stiffening in his pants from the simple touch. He’d been terrified he’d never be able to have this with Ryder after everything he’d been through, but maybe getting sick and moving in with his mate had been fate at work.
He’d been able to get to know Ryder without pressure. His mate had been patient and kind. He’d never pushed Jax or tried to take anything he wasn’t willing to give. And Jax knew that if he said stop right now, Ryder would. And all of that was why Jax could let go and just feel with his mate.
Ryder broke their kiss and cupped his cheek. “Are you sure?”
Jax smiled and nodded. “I am. More than you know.” He went on his tiptoes and sealed their lips together.
Ryder broke their kiss and held Jax’s gaze as he slowly lifted his shirt. When their eyes met again, Jax’s shirt gone, Ryder pulled him into a soft, reverent kiss. His hands traced every inch of exposed skin, leaving a trail of heat with every touch.
Ryder’s hands continued to stroke him all over, and he backed them slowly to the bed. Jax’s heart began to race the moment his back hit the mattress, but Ryder sensed his unease and broke our kiss.
