I rest my forehead on the cold wooden door, begging my body to unlock and my mind to stop sharing memories I don’t want to remember. Memories of happy times when I was blind to what my parents were, and moments where I met the fury of their beliefs, which surpassed the love they had for their own flesh and blood.
I could never do to Arianna what they did to me. She will always be my daughter, no matter what.
The air in the living room is thick, as if a hurricane is about to swipe us away. They’ve been here only ten minutes, but it feels like eternity.
What was happening inside my head when I agreed to let them in here?
You were trying to fulfill Halia’s wishes.My brain supplies the answer I need to stay seated and not to storm out.
I’m sure all the cracks I’m made of are showing like a neon sign in the dark, even if I’m trying my best to keep them hidden. I sit rigidly on the couch, Arianna now safely tucked in my arm, and all my muscles are screaming in tension, as if I’m a spring ready to bounce.
Jay looks uncomfortable and probably feels like an outsider, but he has more right to be here at my side than they have. And I need him here with me, so he can remind me that I’m a grown-up, and not a kid hoping for his parents to love him.
From my parents’ faces it seems they can barely tolerate his presence, and that’s just one more reason for him to stay.
I can read the resentment in their eyes, not sure if it’s directed at me or at Halia for giving Arianna to me. Either way I don’t care.
My mother speaks, breaking the long silence, her voice as sharp and cold as usual. “Do you really think you can raise her? You’re no longer part of the family and you never will be again.”
Straight for my jugular, straight to the killing. But was I expecting something different?
I clench my fist to stop myself from bursting again. I hide that hand next to my thigh to avoid them interpreting it as a weakness. Then with a calmness I didn’t realise I had, I speak. My voice is sharp and mean. “Enough.”
The room falls silent again. It’s not going to last long because my mother is ready to jump in again. She doesn’t understand that it’s not about her—her pride, her beliefs, and her need for control. It’s all about Arianna.
“I want what’s best for her,” I say, my voice low but hard. “Even if that means making difficult decisions.”
My mum scoffs. “You made enough bad decisions already.”
We all know what she’s referring to, and even if they shouldn’t, her words hit me right in the chest. She has the ability to punch me in the face every single bloody time.
Am I ever going to learn?
I take a breath to contain the rage and hurt her words easily achieve, so they don’t show on my face. “I’m herfather.” I stress the word father so we’re all on the same page. “And I will decide what’s best for my daughter.”
My words seem to have the desired effect and they shut her up. But I’d be a fool if I believed my mother would be defeated by that. And she proves me right immediately.
“We want what’s best for her too.” What she doesn’t say is, andyou are not it.
I don’t care what she thinks. “You’ll have to trust me, then.” I challenge her.
Her disgusted face makes my brain explode in rage. I stand, and give Arianna to Jay with trembling hands.
He takes her immediately, but I don’t miss the furtive glance he sends my parents, probably afraid of what they’ll say.
I don’t give them the time, though, and as soon as Arianna is with him, I turn around. “Time to go.”
“We haven’t had any time with the baby.”
“You should have worried about that before showing me your disgusted faces.”
“Sit down.”
I look down at my dad still sitting there as if whatever happens doesn’t matter to him.
“I want you to leave.”
“Let’s discuss this in a civil way.”
