It’s not that I don’t trust Jeremy, but I’m aware of how much of an arsehole Dick can be. His dickness fits his name. “Have you got money?”
“I’ll get the money ready.”
“Come with me.”
“Where?”
“Coffee shop for now, so we can get out of this cold weather,” I say, pulling the pushchair closer. “And then home?”
“You mean your saviour’s house? We had a home, you and me, but you seem to have forgotten.”
“I haven’t. I just want something better for us.”
“Us,” he scoffs, as if whatever I’m saying it’s a pile of bullshit.
“Yes,us,” I say, pointing at him and then myself, to make it even clearer. “Haden offered us the money, and we could accept it. Then work, normal work, to repay him.”
“Is that any different from what we’re doing now?”
“We won’t be selling our bodies. We won’t be living in fear. We won’t be all alone. We’d be free.”
“Can you trust him?”
“Yes.” I surprise myself by how strong my belief is that Haden would never betray me. “With my life.”
Jeremy trembles in the cold weather, so I take the scarf from around my neck, wrap it around his, and then push him toward the coffee shop.
“Let’s get something warm. You’re like a giant ice cube,” I add when he bristles. “I need to get Arianna out of this cold.”
“Okay. Let’s keep the baby warm.” His tone is grumpy, but his lips tug into a smile as she squeals when the toy makes a noise.
The coffee shop isn’t too far or too busy when we get there. Arianna has fallen asleep during the walk, probably because of the movement of the pushchair.
Jeremy looks a bit stiff, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to do or because there’s something wrong and he doesn’t want to share. He’s never done that before, and I wonder if because of my behaviour I’ve lost the only person I knew would have my back.
Am I trusting others too much and leaving Jeremy behind?
I shake my head, because Jeremy is still a priority, but so are Haden and Arianna. I just need to make everything work. At least until Haden gets tired of me. I need to remember that we haven’t promised anything to each other. I like him, and maybe it’s more than like, but it’s still temporary.
“Let’s choose a table,” I say, walking through the shop until I find one next to the window, and away from the counter, so we can have a chat without being under everyone’s eyes.
“Chocolate? With all the goodies?” I raise my brows up and down, trying to bring back our old closeness, and I believe I’ve done it when his eyes lose that dark cloud, but it’s fleeting.
“You’ve got money now.”
I feel guilty for two reasons—I’m using the money Haden leaves on the counter every morning, and I’m showing off without taking into consideration how Jeremy feels.
“I’ve got the money Haden leaves every day on the counter for me if I need it. I haven’t touched it before today,” I say, patting the pocket of my jacket. “And here,” I say, patting the back pocket of my jeans. “I’ve got the money here, and I’m giving it to you.”
“Ah, fuck. It’s all fucked up.”
“Language man,” I say, while with my head I point to Arianna. “Mind the baby.”
“Ah, shit.”
We look at each other and we chuckle like mad, and it feels like we’ve made turned a corner and everything’s good again.
“Let’s spoil ourselves.” I don’t leave him time to reply, and instead I walk away, leaving him with Arianna.
