There’ll be a lot of grumbling in my future.
I let my eyes wander over Jay’s face… the guy I saved, who somehow is saving me too. Something unfamiliar rises inside me, and it takes me a moment to understand the feeling.
Hope.
It’s stained with fear, but still strong enough to push me forward.
Hope is something that hasn’t been in my life since I was cast away by my family. But maybe we’re creating a new one, Arianna and me, and how can I not include Jay, who’s keeping everything glued together?
How did I get so lucky?
A pang of guilt hits me, because this familiar life wasn’t supposed to be mine. I turn my thoughts to my sister, to thank her for giving me what I never thought would be mine.
“Hey,” Jay says when he spots me at the door looking at them, his mouth curving up. I want to savour that soft smile with my lips, until we’re both panting and craving for more… so much more. But I restrain myself, because I want to look at them a little bit more.
“Hey to you too,” I reply, moving in until I’m on the floor next to him, sitting close enough that our legs brush, and turning on that subtle current that’s always present when we touch.
I reach out to touch Arianna’s hand, and her little fingers close around my bigger one. Tight, as if she doesn’t want to let me go. If I wasn’t already set on protecting her, with this gesture she makes me hers forever, because no one has ever before looked at me as if I could hang the moon in the sky.
I raise my other hand to thread it through my hair, trying to get a hold of my feelings and not have them spilling out of me. I’m not ready for that.
Jay stops my movement by taking my hand in his, awakening the same need to protect that I have for Arianna.
“We’ve got you,” he says, making my heart grow as big as the universe, as if expanding to incorporate them both. His words anchor me to this reality I’m loving so freaking much.
I close my eyes, trying to control my emotions, and Jay probably understands because he gives me the time I need to collect myself.
“Are you okay?” he asks once I open my eyes again.
Feeling like my armour is off and everyone can see me, I focus on Arianna. “Yeah. I was thinking.”
“About?”
“About everything. About my sister and what she’s missing. About being ready to do this long term. About trusting.”
“You’re more ready than you believe. Look at Arianna, at how happy she is, and this is all because of you.”
Fuck, he makes me all fucking emotional.
I swallow hard, trying to get past the lump in my throat that makes words impossible. When talking seems beyond me, I lean in, craving the warmth of his hand, and again that feeling of hope rises to the surface, stronger than before. After a moment, even that touch is too much. With the need to escape I rise to my feet, and then lean in to take Arianna from his arms.
“I’ll get her changed before I go to work,” I say without looking back at Jay.
“Okay,” he replies, his tone sweet and gentle, as if knowing that saying more than that could break me right now.
I place Arianna on the changing table, and pick what I need to change her from the big drawer. I’m surprised when my movements are secure and easy. So much progress since she arrived.
I open the nappy and groan at the smell coming from it.
“You’ve got a smelly bum,” I tell her, gagging a little because of the nasty smell. The sweet tone my voice takes when I talk to her amazes me every time. It’s like just her presence is able to bring out the best in me. My chest expands when she giggles, as it does when the sound comes from Jay. It’s like my heart is making space for them every single day.
I use the wet wipes to clean her, and then I pick her up after I get rid of the old nappy and lay down a new one.
Trying to connect the strips to keep the nappy in place takes more effort than it should, because she’s a hurricane. Her legs move at hundred miles per hour, and stopping one has the other going faster.
“Come on, princess, help a man here.” The desperation in my voice doesn’t match what’s simmering inside me, because there isn’t any.
“Daddy’s in trouble again?” Jay’s voice washes over me, making my feelings boil instead of simmer. He’s a completely different person from the man I rescued a few weeks back. Silly, relaxed, beautiful and mouth-watering, so much that I want to have a longer performance, naked time involved.
