Haden kneels to pull my trousers up and I adjust my boxers. Once he’s done, he chains me between his arms, and rests his chin on my shoulder, his hot breath moving my hair. I’m in heaven.
“Are you okay?” he asks, and before I can say anything he leans in and kisses me.
I accept the kiss as if I’m accepting water. I nod and smile.
He goes back to the sink and gets two glasses of water, then hands one to me. I drink it fast, as though I’ve been in a desert for days instead of having sex with the most amazing man I’ve ever had the luck to meet.
“Thank you for offering me a job and allowing me to stay here.” It’s out of the blue, and I’m not sure why I say it, and I’m not sure who’s more surprised. Maybe it’s because I’m glad I’ll get to be with him for a while.
He pushes back, putting some space between us, and now that the moment of surprise is gone, he’s frowning down at me. “Did you do this out of obligation?” Anger, horror, and mostly sadness play a part on his face.
I look at him, unable for a moment to process his words, my brain still full of endorphins. When they hit, they spread like oil, freezing my body and creating a sour taste in my mouth. So different from Haden’s taste, refreshing and flowery. I fight, with all my might, the tears threatening to fall. “I would never…” Even if I don’t want to, my voice cracks. I focus on taking a deep breath, and force myself to continue. “I did it because I wanted to, because I like you.”
“Thank fuck,” Haden whispers, and relief soaks his voice, and somehow that makes everything better. Eyes shining with joy fill my vision and my mouth curves in a smile of its own volition. He leans in and plants a sweet kiss against my lips, and I happily reciprocate. He takes the glass out of my hand and places it on the counter, and then takes my hand in his and walks out of the kitchen.
I follow him through the living room, and down the corridor until we reach my room, while pinching myself so I believe it’s not a dream. In front of the door, he pulls me into his arms and kisses me once… twice… three times. I meet his lips every single time because it’s never enough.
“I wish we could spend the night together, but…” His face is apologetic, but there’s no need for it. Haden has given me more in these moments we just spent together than others have done in months.
I interrupt him by placing my fingers against his mouth. “Arianna always comes first.”
“Thank you for understanding.” He leans in for another long kiss that leaves me breathless even after he’s left.
A kiss that I take to bed with me, and into my dreams.
As I also take with me his gaze full of lust and joy, and the promise I’ll be in his arms again.
CHAPTER 15
Haden
Iwatch Jay as he gently rocks Arianna, his fingers tracing circles on her back as she rests on his chest with her head nestled on his shoulder. He has a towel covering it, so if she drools or regurgitates his clothes won’t be affected.
His movements are fluid and it’s easy to see he’s had a lot of practice before, not like me, brand new to the situation.
Jay’s hands bring memories of us together, his fingers gripping my biceps and his nails leaving crescent moons on my skin. Shame they’re already gone, but they have a special place in mymind. My lower head takes notice of where my upper head is going and starts to fill.
These are not the thoughts I should have when Arianna is around, though.
He was the first thing on my mind this morning, when I woke up to the sound of Arianna squealing away as if it was three in the afternoon and not five in the morning.
Jay looks at me, and something must give me away because his face turns a gracious pink colour that suits him very much.
He turns away and brings his attention back to Arianna, ignoring me. He handles her as if he’s done nothing more than taking care of children, which reminds me that Jay was a teaching assistant before. I can totally believe that, and I’m sure he was amazing, because every day I witness how amazing he is with my daughter.
Daughter… How easy has it become to think of Arianna as mine? It must be all the sleepless nights I’ve spent cuddling her in my arms while she cries for something I have no clue of.
I’m still not used to calling her that, but every day it gets easier, and the guilt for being the one who gets to live these precious moments with Arianna is fading. I’m sure Halia is happy about what I’m doing with her daughter, and proud that I’m raising her like she would have.
Free to be who she is and loved for being herself, no judgement and no demands.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I don’t even have to check to know it’s my father. He’s been blowing my phone up all day with imperious messages, ordering me to bring Arianna to their house so they can see her. I’ve been ignoring him for nearly a week because I don’t want to be anywhere near them. I’ll have to cave eventually, but for now I’m getting to know Arianna, and letting her get comfortable with me.
My eyes land on Jay again. I can’t forget those moments in the kitchen that night we spent together… and it’s impossible to ignore that I called him Angel. Me? The man who never gets attached.
I still can’t forget how patient he’s been with me, and with Arianna. Gently reminding me that I don’t have to feed her every time she cries, and that sometimes a change of nappy is due.
I can’t wait until she’s older and I can make the first time I changed her an anecdote that’ll be recounted many, many times. It’ll be the first thing I’ll say to her partner when she brings them home… I shiver at the idea of her dating… just after telling them I’ll kill them if they make her suffer.
