I watch Jeremy get subjected to the same treatment, and when his face goes pale from the pain, I pull viscid Ed—that’s what I call him in my mind—towards me, so he has to let go.
Jeremy’s smile reminds me of the pain I’m going to go through.
“Eddy, we missed you last night.” I leave out a sigh of relief when his attention focuses on me.
“I had a wild night last night. But maybe I can have a better one with you,” he says while pinching my arse again.
I smile, ignoring the pain, and then pat his hand. “You know we’re not allowed to enjoy our nights.”
“Yeah, that fucker wants you all for himself. One day I’ll buy you from him.”
I keep my smile plastered on my face, but it’s impossible to stop my body from shivering in disgust. I’m saved from replying when the bell rings again and a few customers enter the place. I move away as fast as I can, forcing Ed to let go of me.
Let another wonderful fucking day of being treated like shit on a shoe begin.
CHAPTER 3
Haden
Time blurs inside the car, and when I finally move, my body feels broken, and each movement is like pushing a mountain.
My heart is desolate, as if everything stopped existing from that moment on. The devastation left by Halia’s death has taken with it the little music I had in my life. She gave me a home when she reached out to me, with cracks but still standing. Now that she’s gone, nothing remains but broken windows and unhinged doors, letting the ice she once defeated take over.
I’m surprised I’m still standing, still somehow functioning, when inside I want to curl up like a baby and cry until I’m empty and these feelings vanish. My love for my sister, though, will never waver.
I’m good with the crying part as I haven’t done anything else since I received the news. I grew up with the stupid rule—men don’t cry. Today I broke that rule so many times I don’t even have the strength to be ashamed. And why should I? I’ve lost the only good part of my life.
I would never give my family the satisfaction of seeing how broken I am. They were the first to receive the news, and unfortunately I had to receive it from them.They didn’t deserve us, and they don’t deserve to be part of what’s coming.
My beautiful little sister is… lost forever… dead.
I can’t get past the knowledge that she’s gone and I’m stillhere.
I look around to see if anyone is witnessing my breakdown, but people are too wrapped up in themselves to notice what’s happening around them.
I clean my face with the sleeve of my shirt. I need a drink, a strong one, and I need time to think about what to do.
With measured movements I get out of the car and then walk away. I’m not even sure if I lock the car; it’s as if I’m on a mission.
The energy inside the bar is a match to the storm raging inside me. Dark corners, soft light, people hunched around their glasses as if they can save them from annihilation, and the acrid smell of despair. It looks like the right place to hide, drink, and forget my sorrow. It’ll only be for a moment, but I need this as much as I need my next breath.
After the first glance I don’t look around. Instead I walk to the table at the far end of the place. It seems like the best spot, as far away from the other patrons as I can manage. Before taking possession of it, I need a liquid friend. More than one, but let’s start with one.
When I’m done at the bar the table’s still empty, so I take ownership of it. I keep my head down and nurse my drink, looking as imposing as my frame will allow. I’m hoping these are spot-on signals to tell people to stay away. I’m not normally one for unnecessary conversations, today even less.
What I want is to be alone, and to let the memories of us fill the void I have inside, because they’re the only things left.
It had always been the two of us. Our parents were too busy taking care of others to have time for us, so we bonded. It was us against the world, always. Even the huge age gap between us didn’t matter. We helped each other when no one else would.
It’s like a vital part of my body has been torn away from me. Not only am I going to miss my sister like I’ll miss a limb, but I’ll miss the part of myself that was better because of her. She was able to bring out the better parts of me.
Who will fight with me against a world that doesn’t want me in it?
Who is going to have my back?
Now, in the moment where I need her support the most, she’s gone. But in doing so she left me her most precious treasure. Her daughter. My niece… my daughter.
My mind pulls me back to the moment we sat in front of the lawyer while he opened my sister’s will.
