“Thank you.” I gently smack Jeremy on the nape of his neck, reminding him we’re guests in this house.
“I can help.”
“Help?”
“I have the money.”
“Why are you offering money to strangers? We don’t need your pity.” Jeremy looks at me, expecting me to jump down Haden’s throat, but I can’t. “Unless you want more from him than just being your nanny.”
Jeremy’s words make my stomach turn to ice. I’ve found nothing more than kindness and respect in this house. In my heart I’m sure Haden is coming from a good place, and I’m not going to offend him because I’m using the same measure I use for liars and lowlifes.
“Jeremy…” I whisper, horrified by what he just said.
“I can’t believe you’re trusting him. You don’t know him.” His eyes plead with me, but I can’t lie, not even for him. “I’m out of here,” he says when I keep silent.
“Jerr, please…” I call him back again but he doesn’t stop.
“I’m sorry.” Haden’s face is apologetic, but he’s not at fault. I’m sure his words were coming from a place of good intentions.
“It’s not your fault. I’ll talk to him.” I’m worried, though. I don’t want him to be out there believing I’m not on his side.
“I’ll be in the other room.” He turns around, but then stops. “Make sure you’re both safe.”
How can I not like him?
Even when we fight his help, he’s still here offering it without asking for anything back.
“Thank you.” I put all my gratitude into those two words, and I want to cry when he takes my hand as if telling me that what happened doesn’t change anything.
Once he’s gone, I pick up my phone and call Jeremy, but he doesn’t answer.
What a fucking mess.
CHAPTER 13
Haden
The night is broken by Arianna’s scream, and for a second I’m chained to the bed.
My body is unable to move because my brain is still clinging to the world of dreams. The sharp and desperate wail penetrates the fog of sleep my mind is still swimming in, and I pull my eyes open to the soft light illuminating the room.
I glance at my phone and I’m not surprised when I read 2:17 a.m. I groan, push the cover away, and crawl on my hands and knees to reach the crib. For a moment the silence makes me believeshe’s fallen asleep again and it was a false alarm, and my eyes close a little ready to go back to sleep.
When she resumes her wailing, my eyes pop open and I reach inside the crib, placing one hand on her tummy to gently rock her from one side to the other, muttering, “Shh, princess, Daddy is here.”
I make sure not to restrain her limbs because she doesn’t like it when she can’t put her full fist inside her mouth, and she loves kicking off whatever I place on top of her to keep her warm. I rock her more, praying that it does the trick, and she falls asleep again, so I can go back in the arms of Morpheus.
With my other hand I pat around the little bed trying to find her dummy, and find it stuck between the mattress and the wooden slat. I pick it up and I bring it closer to her mouth, hoping that’s what she’s missing.
Arianna sucks on it for a bit, but then she spits it out, unhappy with it.
I try again but it doesn’t work, and she turns her head left and right to show me how displeased she is by my insistence.
Glancing at Arianna, trying with a half-awake brain to understand what’s wrong, just to find her face is all frowned up, red and furious, I don’t see the end in sight. I crawl to the end of the bed and stand on unsteady feet, feeling a little dizzy from lack of sleep. I try to scoop her up, but my beginner skills work against me and it takes three attempts to do it, and a lot ofcontortionism to get her nestled in my arms. All the while I make soothing sounds, hoping to calm her down.
Sometimes rocking her while standing, walking around the room, or just bouncing her lightly are her favourite things to do instead of sleeping, but those I dislike the most. Especially when I’m tired and the only thing I want is to close my eyes, be flat on my back, sound asleep and not aware of the living world. The dreaming world is more fun, because I don’t need to do anything and I can keep my eyes shut.
I’d be lying if I said that I don’t like having her in my arms, but I sure prefer when she’s smiling at me and being all princessy, instead of a screech demon who wants to make me stand, walk, or just function when my brain is still asleep.
