Haden is an interesting mix of complexities.
He stops and looks between the pills on the table and me.
I pick them up and swallow them with a gulp of water.
Once he’s done tidying up, he helps me get up from the chair.
I grit my teeth expecting the pain, but the pills must have helped, because it’s less than before.
He lets his arm fall to his side and moves a few steps away, giving me space.
He picks up my water, and I follow him to the sofa.
The time to talk has arrived.
“Are you feeling any better?” Haden asks, a hint of concern in his voice.
How long has it been since someone, other than Jeremy, asked me this?
Would he know if I ask about Jeremy?
“I’m okay,” I say instead, sounding like a liar to my own ears.
Haden looks at me, and I’m sure I’m starting to recognise his silences. They’re full of words I understand even if no sound reaches my ears.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He’s awkward, as if his own question surprises him.
No, I don’t. But I’m here in his house and he deserves an answer. I’m not sure why I’m worried about his opinion. I won’t be seeing him after today.
“Did you help me last night?” I’m not avoiding his question. I’m not. Maybe I am a bit. I just need time to find the right words. As if there are right words to explain to someone that I sell my body to survive the consequences of trusting someone I shouldn’t have.
“Yeah, I was out there to answer a call when I saw what was happening.” There’s a fire in his eyes, as if what he saw still makes him angry.
My face goes up in flames. With everything I do every day, I’m surprised I can still be ashamed.
“I don’t usually go out on my own. I always have someone watching my back.” Haden doesn’t need to know that usually we’re both in the same position. He doesn’t need to know that what happened to me is kind of normal.
I hate that being assaulted is something normal in my life. I never thought this could become my reality.
“I met Jeremy, and he’s the reason you’re here.” His lips pull at the corner and my attention focuses there, eager to experience his smile, but nothing happens.
How does he look when he smiles?
“I’m sorry you got stuck with me. I’ll get my stuff and clear out.” As if I have stuff to take. My clothes are one of the few things I own, and I can’t leave them behind. I wish I could stay longer but I need to make sure Jeremy’s okay. To be honest with myself, I’m not ready to leave this apartment and face Dick, though. I want to stay here and pretend this is my life.
“You can stay here for a couple of days.” His gruff tone makes it an order more than an invite. “But call your friend so he’ll stop blowing up my phone. It’s fucking annoying.”
I nearly giggle, because he looks even grumpier than before with those furrowed eyebrows and lips in a straight line. My heart sings at the offer, but my brain tells me I should say no. Staying here means having more problems with Dick; he doesn’t like his property wandering off from under his watch. But for me there’s something more important. Can I leave Jeremy by himself? CanI really take what Haden is offering and leave my best friend in the gutter? No, I can’t. I would never do something like that to him.
“Yes,” I hear myself saying. My mind has a totally different idea of what we should be doing. And no loyalty, apparently.
He shuffles, pauses for a moment, then glances at me as if he has something else to say. The silence stretches, but after a moment he moves away without saying anything.
“I’ll be downstairs at work.”
“Okay.” What kind of job does he do? My mouth runs away from me again. It must hate me. “Are you trusting me to stay here on my own?”
For a long moment he just looks at me, and then I swear his lips curve in a tiny smile. “Rest.” It’s not an invitation but an order, and my crazy brain likes it a lot. “Tell Jeremy he can come to see you.”
