“Look at me, Noelle, please,” he pleads.
I lift my eyes to his. “Better? What? You came to feed your bottomless ego?” My voice breaks on the last word, betraying how I really feel.
He squeezes the pillow and stares at me. I am happy that he looks as miserable as I do. His eyes look tired behind his gold-rimmed glasses.
His Adam’s apple bobs. “I am sorry.”
“Sorry. You can’t stitch what you tore apart last night. It’s too late, Roman.” I drop the pillow, letting it hang in his hand.
“Noelle,” he cries, dropping the pillow on the unmade bed.
I walk to the door and open it. “You can save your apologies for someone who still believes in you.”
ROMAN
It feels like sand is slipping through my fingers. I am grasping for us to stay together, for her forgiveness, for a new start.
How do I fix this? By being honest, laying it all out, not running.
I sigh, dipping my hands in my pockets. “You’re right. I hate that you are right. Because I know I cut you deep. For that, I am so sorry.”
She watches me with the door still open. I wish she would shout and cuss me out, but she keeps silent. Her jaw rocks, but she isn’t kicking me out, so that is a good sign.
“I don’t know how to do this, Noelle,” I admit. “How to deal with all these feelings and emotions. I don’t know how to let anyone close without being afraid.”
Noelle holds onto the doorknob and begins to twist it slowly. Her eyes move to the window, watching the snow falling.
“Last night, I was out of control. The things I said to you…I was wrong.”
She tightens the robe around herself and looks down at her feet. “You disrespected me. You hurt me.”
My heart thuds. “I know; I am sorry. I will never do that again.”
“Never? You don’t have the power to say never. You made me feel cheap. Like I wasn’t enough. Paid for sex. Really?”
I bend my head in shame. “I was wrong for that, and knowing that I hurt you, that’s the part that kills me the most.”
She meets my gaze. “I asked you what your goal was. Was it Tessa? Was it all to make her jealous?”
“It’s not—”
“You called her your girl and me a slut.”
The more we rehash this, the more my stomach turns. “I was spiraling out of control.”
“What would happen if you spiral again? Do I become the target again? Is that how this is going to work?” There was no anger in her voice. It was like she was mapping out a future of pain where I would be the source.
My jaw tightens. “Never. We are never going to be here again. I was scared and stupid.”
A dry laugh leaves her throat. “You are still scared. You may run again.”
I clench my fist in my pocket, looking her dead in the eyes. “I am scared, but I am more scared of losing you. I love you, Noelle. I know it’s been a short time, but I love and choose you.”
She bends her head, a single tear drops, and she stomps the ground. “You can’t ever hurt me like that again.”
I move toward the door.
My finger lifts her chin. “I promise I will never hurt you again.”
