He checks anyway. He looks at my eyes. He watches my mouth. He wants to be sure I am not saying it for him. I like that about him more than the ring. “We will not pretend here. Not when it’s just the two of us. Not when it matters.”
“I promise. I’m great, Roman.”
He kisses my forehead, then brings a blanket from the cabinet and shakes it out over our legs. He drags a finger down the side of my thigh. Not to start something. To keep me anchored. It works.
I rest my cheek on his shoulder. Silence folds around us. Not empty. Full.
I have been with other men in the past who feign intimacy. I know what that looks like. This isn’t that. Roman, for all his flaws, isn’t the type to fake anything. He says what he means. He doesn’t shield me from the truth. Only from harm.
I like him. That scares me. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing to like someone like him. But how much do I really know about him? Most of what little I know about him came from Vitaly, and most of what he told me was bullshit.
I owe it to Roman to get to know him on his own terms. This isn’t a traditional marriage by any means, but maybe we can make something that works for us.
The sex definitely does.
Roman brushes my hair back from my face. “Sleep.”
I shake my head. “If I sleep, I will see the wrong things.”
“Then watch the window. It’s a nice view.” He keeps talking until my breathing matches his. Not about plans. About small things. Where the sun will be when we land. What the first step down the stairs will feel like in this heat. I let those pictures stack up until they feel real. My eyes close without asking me.
Before I drift off, I mutter, “Tell me a secret.”
“I do not keep many.”
“You keep all of them. That’s your job.”
He laughs. “I wanted to be a teacher once. Before any of this was forced upon me.”
“You still teach. Different students.”
“I need better students.”
“You have me.”
“I have yet to need to teach you anything.” He kisses the top of my head.
“What did you want to teach?”
His smile reads surprised. “Chemistry.”
“Seriously?”
“It’s fascinating.”
“I bombed my high school chemistry class.”
He laughs and looks away. “Bombs are how I got into chemistry in the first place.”
I snort at that. “Well, that makes sense, I guess.”
“Why don’t you doze off for a while? We may not sleep much when we land.”
“That seems smart. Just not sure if I can.” I touch the ring with my thumb. Warm metal. A simple circle. It is not magic. It is a tool. Like the plan. Like sleep.
Roman rests his head against the back cushion and closes his eyes. Not asleep. Resting. I’m not sure he ever sleeps. He doesn’t look like it. He has those sleepy hound dog eyes I’ve always liked.
His hand never leaves me. I look out the window and try to see the curve of the world. I cannot. I can see my face faint in the glass. My mouth looks soft. The line on my jaw is only a line. My eyes are a different woman’s eyes. Brighter. Tired. But alive.
