I’d had to call and reschedule the last two appointments he had coming in after three.With the office closed, I had been able to do all the evening straightening-up without interruption.When five o’clock hit, I was already back at my apartment, standing in the living room, staring at my phone.
It rang immediately.
I took a deep breath, blew it out, then hit Accept.
“Hello?”I said without any trace of emotion, which I felt rather proud of since I was experiencing a swarm of them at the moment.
“Songbird.”Kash’s sigh of relief as he said my name sure sounded as if he hadn’t known where I was.I wanted to believe that.“Where are you?”
“I’m struggling to believe that you didn’t know about my relocation,” I told him.
“I swear to God I didn’t know.I left town for twenty-four hours to handle something, and when I came back, you were gone.Bane wouldn’t tell me.No one would!”
I knew if I let myself believe him, I would once again be vulnerable.But he sounded so pained.Desperate.
“Okay,” I relented.“Sure.”
“Tell me where you are,” he urged.
But if I did.He’d come here.And Bane would find out.They’d either take me off somewhere and dump me or relocate me again.I liked my job.I might not be given a job, a car, and a place to live the next time.Kash didn’t have the power to protect me.Not from the Mafia family he had been born into.
“I can’t,” I finally said.
“Ignore whatever Bane said to you,” Kash told me.
But I couldn’t.I had no one in this world.It was just me, and I was never going to move on and make a life for myself if Kash kept walking into it and shattering the small bits of security that I’d found.
“It’s not about Bane or anything he said.It’s about me.I need to do what is best for me,” I said as a lump formed in my throat.
“And that’s not me.”It wasn’t a question.It was a statement.His words sounded as if I’d just landed a crushing blow to his chest.
My throat and eyes burned.
“We aren’t good for each other.”I forced the words out.Words I didn’t want to accept.
“That’s not true.”
“Your family won’t allow it.They don’t want you with me, and your family isn’t an ordinary one.You can’t defy them.Neither of us can.You know that.And my heart can’t take having you, only to lose you again.”My voice cracked as I stifled a sob.
“I won’t let them.”His words were fierce.
“You don’t have a choice,” I whispered.“If you love or loved me, then please let me go.”
I ended the call before he could say more.He could convince me there was a chance for us again even though I knew there wasn’t.He wanted his life in Madison back, and if he came here, he’d lose that.Unlike me, he had a home, and I wouldn’t let him make the mistake of losing it because of me again.
Twenty-Four
Kash
So many goddamn voices.All the false laughter and pretend cheer.None of it was real.Watching them all, I’d started to become numb.It was the only way I’d managed to get through the past two days.I wasn’t a fucking actor, but both my brothers had missed their calling.
Tomorrow, however, was the last day of this.Christmas would come and go, and then my parents would leave for Texas, where Mom would begin her treatments.Forge had decided that he was staying at the house with me.I didn’t want him here.I wanted to be left alone.
“Kash.”My mother’s voice stopped me.I’d been trying to sneak away after the big family dinner.
“Yeah, Mom?”I asked, turning around.
I hadn’t noticed the weight loss when I first got home or the little things, like how she appeared almost frail.She was holding on to the banister at the moment, and her knuckles were white from her gripping it so hard.Had walking up the stairs been that hard for her?What else was she covering up for our sake?
