I could have sworn I saw Raylan’s fingers clench tighter against the steering wheel as he turned to take the lane that would lead to my property, but it was too dark to be certain. “Have you?” he asked, his voice so low it felt as though it was coated in something dangerous.
“Have I what?”
“Have you fucked him?” he clipped out, the words razor sharp.
My eyes widened as my jaw fell open. “Excuse me?”
His eyes pinned me in place, and I had no doubt that if I had been able to see him just then, the silver flecks in the blue depths would have turned into molten gunmetal. “You heard me. Have you fucked him?”
I remained silent for several seconds as I tried to wrap my head around the sheer audacity he had to even ask me a question like that. “That’s none of your business,” I finally answered once I was able to form words around the lump of pure rage that was suddenly taking up residence in my throat. “Who I sleep with is absolutelynoneof your damn business.”
Raylan hit the brakes harder than necessary and the truck jerked to a stop outside of my house. “What’s the matter, Chaos?” he started as he twisted in his seat to face me fully. The atmosphere in the cab of the truck had turned icy with whatever emotion was pouring off of him just then. Even Havoc felt it, letting out a small whimper that had me cradling him more securely in my lap. “Don’t like to be reminded of all the guys you’ve been plowin’ through the past several months?”
My jaw fell open. The sound of a record scratch filled my brain as my vision coated red. The nerve this man had to try and shame me when he was known all over town as Mr. One-and-Done blew me away. My whole body shook with suppressed anger as I twisted, reaching for the door handle and shoving it open.
“Fuck you, you hypocrite,” I spat out viciously as I undid my seatbelt, secured my hold on Havoc, then jumped out of the truck and stormed toward my house. I vaguely heard Raylan curse a moment before his truck door slammed shut over the blood rushing in my ears. I expected him to take off, but instead, I heard the sound of bootsteps growing closer a second before his large hand wrapped around my elbow and tugged. He used my own momentum to force me to spin around and face him.
“Christ, Lennix. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, okay? I just...” He raked a hand through his hair in agitation. “Fuck,” he barked out. “I’m sorry, all right?”
A bubble of stunned laughter burst past my lips. “You can’t possibly expect me to take that shitty excuse for an apology seriously.” The backs of my eyes began to burn, the threat of tears looming close to the surface. I hated that I was one of those people who cried whenever I gotreallymad. But until it became legal to beat the living hell out of someone for pissing me off, the only way I had to expel all that rage that built up inside of me was through my tear ducts. I pulled in a deep, calming breath, fighting back those rage tears. I wouldn’t give this asshole the satisfaction.
He scrubbed at his face with his hands, his expression having gone from pissed to weary, like he’d aged ten years in the short span of our argument. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, his tone much softer and dripping with sincerity this time. “That was a dick thing to say, and I didn’t mean it.” He sighed heavily, his shoulders sinking as he placed his hands on his hips. “I’m just...”
“Just what?” I demanded to know. We stood in silence, staring at each other while I waited for him to answer. Hedidn’t say a word as the seconds ticked by, and my patience was wearing so thin, I nearly turned to walk away when realization suddenly dawned on me like a lightbulb floating above my head and clicking on. “Oh my god,” I breathed. “Oh mygod. You’re jealous.”
Raylan’s mouth pulled into a thin line and the muscle in his jaw pulsed, but he didn’t deny it.
Images started flying through my mind like a movie on fast forward. Every fight. Every dirty look or snide comment. Every twinging ache that stabbed into my heart like a needle each time I saw him and felt that rift between us grow wider and wider. The pain I felt at losing not only the man who’d held my heart for far too long, but one of my best friends. For the longest time I’d wondered what had happened to us. Now I knew.
And the truth of itpissed me off.
“You . . .asshole,” I seethed.
“Lennix—”
“Go fuck yourself,” I snapped as I whipped around and started for my front porch, only to be pulled up short by Raylan’s hand on my arm once more. “Don’t touch me,” I spat at him, yanking my arm from his grip.
His hands went up in surrender, his expression pleading. “Please, let me explain.”
“No.” Havoc let out a whimper at the one shouted word. I pulled in a deep breath, silently counting to ten in my head as I struggled to keep myself in check, all while gently swaying from side to side in an attempt to soothe the little guy in my arms. “I don’t want to hear another word out of your mouth.”
My anger started to fade as sadness pushed its way to the forefront. “You shot me down, remember? I told you how I felt, I put myself out there, and you said you didn’t feel the same.”
His features softened with something that looked a lot like regret. “I know. But, baby?—”
I squeezed my eyes shut at the sudden sharp sting of pain that stabbed into the center of my chest. “Stop.” I hated how my voice wobbled on that single word. “You don’t get to call me that.” The burn of tears had returned, only these weren’t angry tears. They were tears of loss and sorrow. Tears of heartbreak.
I struggled to keep them at bay, and somehow managed. “You know, I wracked my brain for months, trying to figure out what I’d done to make you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Lenni,” he said so softly the words were almost lost on the breeze. Desolation etched into every line on his face. “I couldneverhate you.”
God, my heart was aching worse than it had when he’d crushed it that night all those months ago. “I mourned you, Raylan. All this time, I’ve felt like I lost one of my closest friends, and for the life of me, I didn’t understand why. Now I know. It wasn’t me at all. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“If you’d just let me explain?—”
“You don’t have to. I understand now. You were jealous.”
Raylan’s jaw ticked, his hands curling into tight fists at his side. “Seeing you with those guys...” The vein in his forehead visibly throbbed. “It fucking ate at me.”
