“Same stubborn Jenny, huh?” he asks, raking his eyes over me in a way that makes me want to shiver. “You haven’t changed much, have you? Still the same girl I knew way back when.”
The memories that had me wavering in my anger dissipate immediately, any softness brutally stamped out by the reminder that he remembers just as much of our past as I do. He knows exactly what he did to me, and he still has the balls to come up and talk to me like this. I’m half-tempted to deck him here and now.
Instead, I bare my teeth at him in something that’s closer to a snarl than a smile. “You don’t know a goddamnthingabout me, Cross. I’m nothing like that girl from high school. You’re better off forgetting her entirely, just like she forgot you.”
It hurts to say it out loud, but it hurts even more to know it’s a lie. I may have buried the memories of Lucas deep enough that I could pretend I forgot, but they’ll never leave me. There’s a reason I haven’t dated anyone since we broke up, and he’s standing right fucking in front of me.
I was weak when I met Lucas, hopeful and naive, my head filled with fantasies of a lovelife and a white picket fence.
All of that is in the past now. I may not be able to forget, but I sure as hell moved on. I’m not the same person he knew, and I won’t ever let him know me again.
Lucas just shrugs, dropping his eyes to the ground with a slow shake of his head. “Alright. If that’s how you want things to be. Guess I should’ve expected that from you, huh?” Something about his voice sounds off, but when he looks up, he’s got the same impenetrable grin on his face that he always does. “The new calves are out in the west field, if that’s what you’re looking for. Everett figured they’d have more shade over there. I’ll leave you be, Jenny.”
And then the bastard turns around and walks off, hands in his pockets, like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
I gape after him, my anger mounting even further as I watch him walk away.
Apparently, it hasn’t gotten any harder for him to leave me behind.Asshole.
How dare he show up on the ranch after all this time and act like he fucking belongs here? I can’t believe he has the guts to stand in front of me and act like we’re old friends, like he didn’t rip my fucking heart out and stomp it into dust.
I hate how he still just takes everything in stride, acts like nothing can touch him. I hate that he thinks he has the right to talk to me, call me stubborn, to evenbe herein the first place. I hate everything about Lucas fucking Cross, and I will for the rest of my life.
Most of all, though, I hate the fact that my heart still beats faster every time I look at him.
He’s nothing but a cruel, selfish asshole, and I already let myself fall for him once. I won’t do it again.
LUCAS
Reality is suddenly sinking in. I came back to Montana to say goodbye to my dad and get a fresh start on life. By now, it’s pretty damn clear that I’m doing a shit fucking job.
I barely got a week with Dad before he passed. It wasn’t anywhere near enough time for everything that needed to be said, for all the apologies and the wishes that things had been different, the gratitude for everything he did for me when I was a kid. I guess that’s just what time was always like for us, though. Never enough, always rushed, and then… gone.
My plan was to take some time to grieve and then pack everything up, sell what I could to put toward medical bills and my student loans, and leave town again.
But then Everett offered me a job, made it seem like he needed the help even though we both know he’s just trying to make sure I can stay upright. I’m still surprised that he asked, considering how rocky things ended between me and Jenny back in high school, but I guess his loyalty to my dad has stretched its way to me.
Not about to let Al’s son fall flat on his face, kid. Lend me a hand for a bit, yeah?
And, well, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Or any horse, really. Freaky fuckers.
Anyway, I took him up on his offer.
And things werefine.
I don’t know shit about anything on the ranch, but I’m good for manual labor, and that seems good enough for Everett. I feel kind of useless, but I stay busy, and I get a reasonable paycheck. I was willing to stick around, at least for a while.
And then Jenny came back last night and dug out all the most tender parts of my carefully buried heart. She stomped over all of the messy emotions I’ve been ignoring for so long, and her attitude this morning has only made it harder. I thought that giving myself last night to bitch and moan about it — to myself, I’m not sharing that with anybody else — would help, but it only made it worse. It only made me fixate more on how much I wish things were different, but there’s nothing I can do to change the past.
I swore to myself over my coffee this morning that I’d leave well enough alone. But it didn’t go that way.
When I saw her outside the pasture, early morning sunlight on that gorgeous face, I just couldn’t help myself. I always thought she was prettiest when she was still exhausted and not finished with her first cup of coffee, and that hasn’t changed.
Neither has the fact that I can’t keep my damn mouth shut around her.
If I had just left her alone after she made it obvious she wanted nothing to do with me, at least I wouldn’t have gotten yelled at. I don’t want to admit how deep her words cut, but… well, I’m the only one who has to know that I’m walking around with an open wound where my heart should be. Besides, it’s fine. Not like it ever belonged to anyone but her, anyway. If she’s so dead-set on breaking it over and over again, there’s nothing I can do to stop her.
All I can do is keep my head down and not let my emotions get in my way.
