But it would also mean having to see Klemens regularly and enduring that stinging feeling in her heart, like she did now. She did not think she could do it.
“You did not answer my question. What are you going to do there?”
“I will find something. I will stay with Sepp and Lotta.”
“You do not even know whether they are still there. They might have found new positions long ago.”
He was right.
“I want to return anyhow,” she said quietly.
Klemens frowned. “You are being stubborn and unreasonable.”
“Am I? And why do you think you have the right to decide what I want to do and where I want to go?”
“Pippa.” He threw up his hands impatiently.
“So let us assume I stay here. As the Archduchess’ companion. It is, truly, a great honour. And then what?”
“What do you mean, then what?” An irritated look crossed his face.
“I have to watch you always, as strangers from afar, unapproachable and so far above me. Promised to someone else. Married to someone else. This is not a life I want.” The thought alone made her unbearably sad.
“I told you I would find a solution for us. I told you to trust me.”
“Trust you. Trust in what?” She stood up, hands clenched.
“Trust in me!” he shouted. “Why is that such a difficult thing to do?”
“Yes, it is difficult. It is very, very difficult.”
“Pippa!”
“I do not know who you are any more,” she cried.
“Are we back on that topic again? How often must I tell you it does not matter what cursed title I was born into, the person inside is still the same?” He thumped a hand against his chest. “Did your father not teach you that all men are equal, so rank and privilege should carry no weight?”
“It is easy for you to say so,” Pippa cried. “Only someone born to power can speak of equality as if it were a simple truth. Papa meant well, but he was mistaken in this. The world does not treat an archduke and a maid as equals. It never has.”
“You are impossible.” His voice grew rough with frustration. “You complain of circumstance, yet when I offer you the comfort and safety that my station could give, you throw it back into my face.”
“Comfort? What comfort? Do you imagine it is comfortable for me to smile at you daily, to stand before you daily, while you are pledged to someone else?”
“I do not belong to anyone else. I was talking about marriage to you,” he roared.
“What about the Grand Duchess? They say your engagement is to be announced any day now.”
He strode a few paces, turned, then raked a hand through his hair in clear agitation.
“It does not mean I belong to her. Do you think I want that arrangement? I detest it as much as you.”
“And yet you are bound by duty to honour it.”
“I told you I would find a way out of it.”
She shook her head slowly. “I do not believe you should.”
His eyes narrowed. “Explain yourself.”
