Just in case it became necessary.
I had to ignore Luca’s voice in my head telling me to knock it off with the death-wish bullshit and just get some sleep. It wore me down—arguing with Imaginary Luca, with Death, with myself. But now my whole world has come back into focus, my lust for living is flooding back into me.
His eyes opened.
It’s been over an hour since his eyes first opened. I’m standing in a corner of the room, the lightest and brightest corner I could find, while for sixty minutes the doctors and nurses have been leaning over Luca, testing his heart rate, asking him simple yes/no questions that I know he’d prefer to give long and complex answers to, and generally keeping me away from my one true love.
I’m beyond grateful, don’t get me wrong. But I still see Death waiting there in the other corner, the dark corner.Hehasn’t quit. Not yet.
So I wait in my corner and glare at Death in his, two boxers getting ready to go into round ten. I might be bloodied and bruised, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let him win.
“Finch.”
It’s a croak, a husky, dry rasp, the rusty razorblades lacking the treacle that usually coats his words when he speaks to me, but it still makes my heart lift to hear it. “I’m here, Luca. I’m right here, baby, I promise.”
I hear his sigh of relief although it’s quiet and subsumed by the chatter of the medical staff. I put my arms around myself and pretend they’re his.
Soon. Soon I’ll be able to feel his warmth, his fire. His eyes might be ice chips, but his heart is the furnace that keeps me going.
And now Iwillkeep going.
* * *
It’sforeverbefore I’m allowed to be alone with Luca again, before the doctors and nurses have finished all their tests, asked all their questions. I know I should have gone out to tell the waiting Family that their Boss was awake, but I didn’t want to leave my husband for one second, even to share good news. Darla took one look at me huddled up in the corner and said she’d go tell everyone on my behalf.
I know they’ll be relieved, happy, ecstatic even, and Frank might finally listen to reason about Nick Fontana—although I don’t know if Frank has been allowed back into the hospital yet, after he was escorted out by a number of hospital security guards. But I’m not thinking about the Morellis or even Brother Frank at the moment.
All I care about isLuca.
He’s been propped up very slightly in the bed, and when the door closes on the last nurse, he turns his face to me, squinting across the room. “Baby bird…” He reaches for me, his hand too weak to stay in the air, flopping onto the bed, his fingers crawling across the bedspread.
I’ve been in one position so long, my fingers stiff and sore where I’ve been clutching at my own arms, that discomfort shoots through me as I move towards him. I can’t speak, my tongue stumbling in my mouth like my teeth are trip hazards. “Luca,” I get out thickly, and I fall to my knees on the camp bed Darla moved back into position, grabbing his hand, kissing it, crying over it.
“Please…” he says at last. “Angel, please, let me see you.”
I’m snotting all over his hand, so I wipe it down with a Kleenex from the nightstand, mop up my face, blow my nose, and look up at him.
His lips move, just tipping up at each corner, and I start blubbering again right away. He finds the strength to close a hand on my wrist, tugging at me weakly until I stand, lean over, press my lips onto his. His lips are too dry, and I try to be as gentle as possible, pulling away when he tries to deepen the kiss, tipping his face up to mine.
“Don’t you dare try to slip me the tongue,” I say, my voice wavering.
“My mouth…does taste…bad…” he murmurs, sinking back against the pillows with a grunt.
“It shouldn’t. Darla and I took turns cleaning your teeth for you,” I tell him. I’m still weepy, but I’m starting to pull myself together now.
“Who’s…Darla?”
“Oh, myGod, Luca. Seriously? She’s the nurse who looked after Connie Taylor when she was in here. She freaking loves me, so she took really great care of you, too.”
Luca frowns at that, thinking. “Connie,” he rumbles, and then he coughs. He coughs again, so I take the water bottle Darla left with the bendy straw and let Luca have a very small sip.
“No,” I scold, pulling it away when he tries to suck down another mouthful. “Small sips, no big gulps. Darla said.”
“I don’t…think I like…this Darla.”
“She’s awesome. You’ll love her. Plus she’s the one who took out your catheter; you shoulddefinitelybe thanking her for that. Well, except she didget Frank kicked out of the hospital earlier today. She called security on him.”
Luca looks puzzled. “Frank?”
