“Don’t ever say you’re sorry. You hear me?” Marcus urged, his hands flexing across my back, holding me tighter the more my boy shook. “Just let it out.”
I tore my sodden check away from him, my eyes dropping to the drenched parts of his hoodie, stained with my tears. “I thought I was fine.” I wiped at my cheeks. “Just seeing him I—”
“Don’t,” Marcus whispered, holding my hand right by our faces, like it was keeping him steady, too. “Don’t let him be a thought right now. Or ever.” He slipped his hand from mine to brush my cheeks, and I felt them instantly redden for a whole other reason. “You’re safe, with or without me. I know you’ll survive this.”
My eyes were so close to his that I could almost see my reflection. “How do you know?”
“Because I’ve been around you too much not to know you.” Another brush of my cheek. “And I’ve never met anyone stronger than you.” Those dark eyes kept me steady as they lowered, our faces closing in. “Never.”
The moment slowed as his words faded, as our eyes glided between each other, as our bodies settled into one another. And I don’t know what compelled me, maybe it was the rain, maybe it was the hold he had on me, or maybe it was the undeniable feeling that I was starting to like Marcus Romano, but a heartbeat passed, and, before I could think, I dropped my mouth onto his.
Like a strike of lightning, his hand rose to my cheek, kissing me back with just as much force as I was giving him. Our mouths moved on instinct, like this moment was never going to end with anything other than a kiss. I let my body sink deeper into his as he moved his hand to the back of my head, and the warmth of his chest collided with mine.
His lips were soft. And for a man with tattoos snaking his arms, who could probably have someone killed with one press of a button, he was gentle, too. So gentle that I found myself burrowing my hands into his hair to make whatever this was move faster. His stubble was rough agaisnt my skin, but I liked it. It grounded me, in a way. It made a moment that I was sure I'd dreamed up the first real thing that I'd had in forever.
But as our tongues barely touched, thunder rolled through the air, crackling above us like a warning bell. I was willing to ignore it, happy to, but the second it sounded, Marcus pulled back, his hand slipping from my cheek, melting that layer of warmth my entire body was wrapped in.
The breath I’d held came rushing out, panting right along with Marcus and his rapid breaths. He looked almost scared, hiseyes wide and white and very clearly aware of what we’d just done. And that look, my God, I think it broke me a little.
Panic set in my bones as he swiped a hand down his mouth, like his mind was catching up with his body.
Suddenly, how close we were felt wrong, and with that, I quickly scrambled off him, the leather of my seat as cold as my body felt. I pulled down the hem of my cardigan from where it had creased against him, pulling my sleeves over my hands, like that would hide me from the embarrassment settling over me.
My entire body was cold. And I hated the feeling. The emptiness. Like I was nothing but a mass of dark smoke.
Out of the corner of my eye I watched Marcus scrub both hands over his face, that disbelief still a mask on his features. His deep breaths the only thing tying me to the moment. Slowly, he turned to me, but I kept my eyes trained on my lap.
I felt like if I said anything, it would make the whole thing real. And now I'd changed my mind. I wanted this whole thing to be nothing but a dream. And if the look on his face when he pulled back meant anything, it was that he shared the sentiment.
The thought hollowed me out, and another tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it.
His voice broke the silence. “Cora, I—”
“It’s fine.” The words scraped out of me, barely a breath. I turned to the window, tracing raindrops as if they could drown out the ache in my chest. “Just… just take me home.”
He shifted, restless. “Don’t dothis—”
“Please.” My voice cracked, frayed with everything I didn’t have the courage to say.
I couldn't look at him. Couldn't breathe near him. So I kept my attention fixed on the dueling rain drops, racing down the window, identical to the ones falling over my cheeks. "Take me home."
chapter twenty
quick! distract me with a spontaneous holiday
Ihated steps. Always have. Probably always will.
But when I practically launched myself out of the car and saw them waiting, the only thing between me and freedom, I’d never loved them more.
My legs were jelly, but they did their job. They climbed the steps two at a time, my breaths ragged, hands already hunting for my keys. He was only paces behind. Don’t know why I thought he’d choose now to not be all over my arse, but alas. I knew if I slowed, even for a second, he’d catch me and make me unpack it all. Make me talk. Make me feel it again.
I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I had to forget.
I yanked the door open so hard it rattled the frame, slamming it with enough force to sound like we weren’t getting our security deposit back. For a second I let myself lean against it, forehead to wood, trying to make the world stop moving. Then voices from the living room sliced through the quiet and I was back onstage, blinking, pretending like nothing had just tried to break me.
“Cor, is that you?” Daisy shouted. I knew it was her. That Western twang was clear as ever.
I sighed, sucking in as much air as I could before straightening my legs. And my smile.
