I know I have to say something, so I grapple for words. “You didn’t mention you have kids.”
“Kid. Only one.” He holds up an index finger. “The best kid in the world. And he’ssosmart, too. He has, like, thirty dog breeds memorized and can tell you their countries of origin. He plays T-ball and has this little jersey with his last name, Hoffner, on the back, it’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your life.” He’s very proud. “He’ll tell you he can do cartwheels but really, he just bends over and puts his head between his legs. When he grows up, he wants to work both as a veterinarian and also at Long John Silver’s, his favorite restaurant.”
The more I analyze Miles, the more slap-you-in-the-face-obvious it is that he’s Alex’s. Not just the hair, but his side-to-side dancing reminds me of elementary-age Alex. He used to get in trouble in second grade for climbing out of his seat without permission, wandering to the bookshelves, messing with building blocks. I let out a long, hissing breath. “You’re a dad. You’re adad.”
“I know. Great, isn’t he?” Alex is smiling affectionately, and there’s a wistful tug in my ribs—a fervent wishing that I’d gotten to see the love in his face when he held his baby for the first time.
There’s a noise in my eardrums like a snapping wind, my equilibrium off. The world tips onto its side, everybody in the room walking on the walls, across the ceiling, totally oblivious to it.
“Kids, go find your parents,” Alex announces. “Miles, you’re with me, little man. Are you excited to wear a special suit?”
“No.”
“Won’t it be fun to carry Grandma’s ring in a box?”
“No.”
“It’s a special job. You get to be ring bearer! Remember when we asked you about being a ring bearer?”
“No.”
“Wonderful! This’ll be fun.”
They disappear upstairs together, to get ready with the other groomsmen. I flatten myself against a wall downstairs, attention darting to the door every so often, panic quickening my pulse. I feeldeeplystrange. Out-of-body strange. It’s just now hitting me: Kristin remarrying, Alex thundering back into my life, Alex’s son. Why am I here? What is the point? I’ve already set up Kristin’s flowers, so I could easily leave, nobody would even notice.
Alex has ason.
I fiddle with the tulle flower petals stitched to my mint tea-length dress, tears rushing to my eyes. I wipe them away, hoping nobody notices. Reach into my purse for my charm bag. I turn the malachite—a beautiful, deep green stone—over in my palm, repeating its magical properties in a mantra.Protects. Grounds and centers. Keeps the heart open.
Alex reemerges in a suit sharp enough to draw blood. He spins. “How do I look?”
I swallow. “Very handsome.” I try to help him with his tie but only succeed in creating a knot that takes five minutes to detangle. Somehow, Allison’s the only one who knows how to tie a tie besides Daniel, who’s busy, and she’s been going around assisting all the other men. She threatens to start charging for her services.
“I’ll just be down here.” I try to sidle away, but Alex catches my arm.
“Ah, ah, ah. You’ll just be right here.”
“I can’t hang around you,” I whisper. “People will notice.”
“So? What’s wrong with hanging around me?”
I press the malachite against my breastbone, hard.
“Hey, Miss Skittish.” Alex bends to look me in the eye. “You all right?”
Miles troops downstairs, slowly, one step at a time, clutching the rail. I try to leave again, but Alex takes my hand.
“I don’t want to intrude. This is a special family moment.”
“You’re not slithering away, Romina Emily. I know your modus operandi. If I let you escape, I won’t see you for the rest of the day.”
“You have other things to concentrate on.” I hug myself, smoothing my hands over my arms, exposed nerves.Remember to breathe. “Kelsey’s pretty nice.”
“Yeah, she’s cool.”
My mind leaps from lily pad to lily pad. “You had my picture on your fridge.”
He grunts, helping me untangle my earring from my hair. He’s standing very close, those beautiful eyes fixed on me, knowing entirely too much, fingers brushing my skin. It’s unfair, his way of turning me inside out, upside down. It compels me to babble nervously.
