27
STEVEN
Waking up with Becca tucked beside me, knowing that my son is just down the hall from us…This still doesn’t seem real.
I’m waiting to wake up from this wonderful dream only to find that it was my own wants playing tricks on me.
It’s been a few days since they moved in with me, and everything has been as perfect as I imagined it would be. Even before Damian was just Becca’s son, before I knew the truth, I would imagine what it would be like living with them.
But knowing that he’s actually mine only makes this experience that much better. And today is the first time I get to bond with him alone.
He’s been so excited since I brought up the idea of going on a nature hike around the bay. I figured it would be nice to give Becca some alone time to unpack or just relax. And since my company is closed until after the holidays, I have all the time in the world.
Damian had stayed up a little later than usual to set out his warm clothes and his magnifying glass. I wasn’t sure that he needed that, but he insisted it was to see the rocks up close to know if they were rare.
He reminds me so much of myself when I was young. Back before life chewed me up and spit me out. My goal is to shield him as much as I can from that. My father was never around enough to know what I was going through with school and college. I was on my own.
Damian will never know the pain of not having a father ever again.
With a gruff noise, I climb out of bed and wander into the kitchen. My bare feet freeze against the cold tiles. As quietly as I can, I fetch all the ingredients for pancakes and begin to mix the batter. I hope to finish cooking and surprise them before they wake up on their own.
The kitchen quickly fills with the smell of syrup and orange juice as I set the table, neatly placing all the plates and silverware in front of each chair. Once everything looks right, I tiptoe back down the hallway, stopping at our room first to wake Becca.
She groggily follows me down to Damian’s room, rubbing her eyes as the door opens before I have a chance to reach for the knob. “Oh, already awake?” I ask and begin to chuckle as I take in his appearance.
He’s fully dressed, even down to his winter coat and snow boots, with a book bag in his hand. “What’s that for?”
“It’s my outdoor bag,” he replies with a grin. “It has everything I might need while we are on the hike.”
Shaking my head, I bring them to the table and begin divvying up the flapjacks. My eyes widen, so do Becca’s, as we watch him try to fit a whole pancake in his mouth.
“Buddy, maybe take smaller bites.” Becca tries to correct his absurd eating habits. “The trail isn’t going anywhere, and neither are you until everyone is done eating.”
I do my best to hide my smile as I take a drink of my orange juice.
As we all finish eating, Becca takes the dishes to the sink, and I follow with the glasses. Damian stands impatiently by the front door, his bag in hand. “I guess it’s time to go,” I laugh, placing a kiss on her forehead before walking to the door.
“We shouldn’t be too long, but try and relax today. You need it.”
Boy, does she. This week has probably been one of the worst for her. I can’t believe she’s held herself together as well as she has. She’s stronger than I am, that’s for sure. She lost a good chunk of what made up her life in less than twenty-four hours.
My situation is different because I am the one who removed myself from my family. I was able to make that decision; Becca was forced out.
It still doesn’t sit right with me that her father acted like that—like a child.
“Bye, Mom!” Damian shouts as the door opens. “Love you!”
He beats me to the car and climbs into his booster seat before I have a chance to help him. “Easy, buddy, we’ll get there soon enough,” I say as I buckle him up. My plan for today is to take him to a nice trail I often walk during the summer months, which is right by the water.
In the winter months, it’s still beautiful as ice covers the lake. I figured it’s a nice alternative until we can actually go camping when it warms up. I’ll do anything for the chance to spend some quality bonding time with him.
He needs to know what it’s like to have a father, and I plan on reminding myself thatthisis how it should’ve been for me.
“Hey, we have to make a quick stop at the store for snacks and drinks,” I call back to him.
Damian takes my hand as we walk through the parking lot of a small convenience store that’s only a few minutes away from the trail. The doors slide open, and we find the snack aisle that holds the chips and sugary treats that I know I’ll regret getting for him later.
He runs over to the gummy worms, and I kneel in front of the different flavors of trail mix. It’s nice to only hear the soft music playing throughout the store because Damian was talking my ear off the entire drive.
