“Say it,” I challenge, taking a step around the coffee table.
“No.”
“Say it, Aubree.”
“Fine!” The word explodes out of her. “That night I kissed you, okay? Are you happy now? That stupid, meaningless kiss that obviously meant nothing to you.”
Something inside me snaps. “Meaningless?”
“Yes, meaningless. God, I wish you weren’t my first kiss. I wish I’d saved it for someone who actually…”
I don’t let her finish. Before I can think better of it, I’m across that distance, my hand wrapping around her throat. Not hard enough to hurt, but firm enough to stop her retreat.
“Don’t.” My voice is low, dangerous.
“Let go of me, Jesse.”
Instead, I take another step forward, backing her up until she hits the wall beside the fireplace. My free hand comes up to brace against the wall next to her head, caging her in.
“You may wish you could take it back,” I say, my face inches from hers. “But you’d never forget it. And neither would I.”
Her breath hitches, and I can feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest where it almost touches mine.
“That kiss,” I continue, my voice barely above a whisper. “Sometimes still keeps me up at night.”
The admission hangs between us like the discharge of a loaded gun. I can see the shock in her eyes, followed quickly by something else. Something that looks a lot like the want I’ve been fighting for years.
“Jesse…” She breathes, and my name on her lips is almost my undoing.
I should step back. I should let her go and walk away and pretend this conversation never happened. Instead, I lean closer until I can feel the warmth radiating from her skin.
“You want to know the truth, Aubree? That kiss ruined me for anyone else. Every woman I’ve been with since then, I’ve compared to you. To that one perfect moment when you looked at me like I was everything you’d ever wanted.”
Her eyes flutter closed, and I can see the pulse jumping in her throat.
“But you left,” I continue, my thumb unconsciously stroking across the delicate skin of her throat. “You left, and you took that moment with you. So don’t you dare stand there and tell me it was meaningless.”
When she opens her eyes, they’re bright with unshed tears. “I never knew,” she whispers.
“How could you? You were so busy planning your escape from this place, from me, that you never looked back long enough to see what you left behind.”
“That’s not…I didn’t leave because of you.”
“Didn’t you?” I search her face, looking for the truth. “Because it sure felt like it. One day, you were talking about going to college in Rapid City, maybe studying business, so you could help run the ranch. The next day, after that kiss, you were applying to schools in Chicago, and leaving on the off chance that one of them accepted you.”
She tries to pull away, but I don’t let her. “That’s not why I left.”
“Then why?”
“Because I was scared!” The words burst out of her like a dam breaking. “I was scared of how you made me feel. I was scared that if I stayed, I’d never be anything more than Truett’s little sister who had a crush on his best friend. I was scared that you’d break my heart, and I’d have to see you every day for the rest of my life. I was terrified that I’d spend my whole life pining for something that was never going to happen, and I’d end up regretting it if I lost my life in a freak crash with a drunk driver.”
The fight goes out of me all at once. I release her throat and step back, running a hand through my hair. “So you broke mine instead.”
She slides down the wall slightly, looking suddenly fragile. “I didn’t know. I swear, Jesse. I didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do.”
We stand there in silence, the weight of years of unspoken words settling between us. Outside, I can hear the distant sound of machinery, reminding me that the world is still turning despite the fact that mine just shifted on its axis.
