Today was mad. Dad’s been trying to work out the fall class schedule for the arts center. Looks like I’ll only be able to teach one composition class, if that. Plus, I had to go grocery shopping.
Jude let out a breath of relief, but it was short lived.
I kind of just felt like turtling up today, you know? Hiding in my own shell? Everything is a lot lately.
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
That last message sent Jude into a panic. He tapped to start a video call by reflex alone.
Nally answered almost right away. He was lying in bed and looked completely wrung out. “Hey.”
“Shit, youdolook like you’ve had a day,” Jude said, relaxing back into his pillows.
“So do you,” Nally said with a frown. “I thought you said nothing was wrong.”
“Nothingiswrong,” Jude said on instinct. “I’ve just been dealing with mum and dad today.”
That was a big, fat lie, but the truth was too scary to talk about. Life was too scary to talk about.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier,” Nally went on in a subdued voice that Jude had never heard from him before. “I should have. We need to—” He sighed instead of finishing the sentence. “Everything has just been so crazy lately. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about things, but fuck if I know what to do about them.”
Jude smiled. That was more like the way things were supposed to be. “Yeah, I know. Neither of us signed up for any of this.”
Nally snorted. “No, we did not.” He paused and just looked at his phone for a second before saying, “I have that recording session tomorrow at the LSO St. Luke’s, if you want to come along.”
“Of course I want to come along,” Jude said, already feeling better. Nally wanted him around after all.
“It’s at ten am. I can meet you there, or you can pick me up right where you dropped me off at Victoria Station around nine tomorrow.”
“I’ll be there. You don’t even have to ask,” Jude said.
“Of course I have to ask,” Nally said, his face flushing slightly. Jude could tell, even though Nally was just an image on his phone and it was dark in Nally’s room. “I can’t just assume you’ll be there for me all the time. You’re not my beck and call-girl.”
Jude laughed at thePretty Womanreference. “I’ll be your anything, baby,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
Instead of laughing at the joke, Nally looked momentarily terrified. He schooled his expression in a hurry, though, and rushed to say, “Well, I’ve got to sleep now. I need to be fresh as a daisy for the LSO tomorrow.”
“Alright. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite. Unless you like that sort of thing.”
Nally laughed softly before ending the call. At least the whole thing had ended on a light note. But it also made Jude think he was in for another sleepless night.
He would have jacked off to help himself fall asleep, but he knew doing anything remotely sexual would take his mind to places he absolutely didn’t want it to go. Instead, he rolled out of bed, took a hot bath, drank a glass of wine, then scrolled through his own socials until his eyelids began to droop. He fellasleep thinking there had to be a way to keep Nally safe without revealing too much of the truth. About Quentin or about his own feelings.
By morning, Jude still had no idea what that way might be. He dragged himself through a cold shower to wake up and tame his errant thoughts, then headed down to breakfast. His intention was to grab something to go, then to wander around London until it was time to pick Nally up, but as it turned out, eating breakfast with his parents was exactly what he needed to get him out of his weird headspace.
“And I said to Bunny Carlton that she couldn’t possibly host a garden party at this time of year,” his mum had droned on as Jude ate his eggs and his dad scrolled throughThe Times, which he read on a large tablet these days with the font size up as high as it would go. “And even if she did want to host a party, everyone who she would want to invite is away either in Lake Como or the Maldives. Frankly, I don’t know why we aren’t abroad ourselves right now.”
“You said you wanted to stay in London for the Proms,” Jude’s dad said, eyes still glued on his tablet. “You can’t attend the Proms from the Maldives.”
“Just like I told Bunny that you can’t host a party when half of your friends are away,” his mum answered.
Jude could have cried in relief that at least something was still normal.
He was nearly in a good mood again by the time he hopped on his scooter and zipped around London traffic to get to Victoria Station. With perfect timing, Nally was there waiting for him, looking gorgeous in jeans and a light jacket.
“Fancy seeing you here,” he called out, removing his helmet long enough to smile at Nally.
Nally smiled in return, relaxed and calm for a change. He walked straight up to the scooter and took the spare helmet off the back like he owned it. “Perfect timing,” he said. “We should make it to Old Street with extra time to spare.”
