“That was never my dream, Lane. You wanted all of that. I wanted a wedding on the beach, with just our family. You wanted the two-hundred-plus guest list, and the fancy party. I don’t want to go back to the way things were. Things have changed. I’ve changed.” I felt myself feeling braver by the second. I wasn’t just going along with things anymore. I made my own decisions; I ran my own life.
“Don’t be silly, baby. It was perfect, what we had.” Now he was rolling his eyes at me.
“Perfect? So always having an orgasm yourself and never taking care of me, that’s perfect? That’s a dream life?” He started to open his mouth, but I stood and kept going. His mouth shut real quick.
“So, when I gave up drawing or doing hobbies that I loved? Seeing my family more, missing Julian when he died because you wanted me to go to your family’s stupid breakfast at the club, was a perfect life? You never cared about what I wanted; you just wanted me to fit your mold.” I pointed at him, holding my ground. No way in hell was I backing down now.
“I am done trying to fit in. I was never meant to. And yourfriend, he tried to rape me. I can honestly say I am thankful for you, once in our whole relationship, because you walked in and put an end to it. But let me repeat that again.He tried to rape me.I wasn’t cheating on you, and you are an even bigger asshole than I realized for thinking that.” He stood and grabbed hold of my finger, hard.
“Okay, there are some things we can work on. What relationship doesn’t have that? You want orgasms, I can give you those. You want to draw? Fine. We’ll make the spare room your place to draw. Yeah, I like going to my family’s stuff at the club. You liked it too; you enjoyed getting all dolled up to go. Oh, and Tyler wouldn’t do something like that and risk losing his golf sponsors.” He scoffed, like Tyler trying to rape me was inconceivable, just like he did before. I tried to pull my hand away from him, but he held on tight and moved closer.
“I love you, baby. We can make it work. Give me a chance.” He leaned in closer, and by the time I realized his intent was to kiss me, his lips were smashed against mine. His tongue pried open my lips and tried to coax me into kissing him back. Instead I bit him, and pushed him away as far as I could, which wasn’t far.
“You’re disgusting. Get out of my house, before I call the cops.” He wiped the saliva away from his lips and stared at me.
“You’ve been fucking someone else, haven’t you?” He cursed, and started to pace. Suddenly a wave of rage hit me like nothing I’d ever experienced. Lane wasn’t a bad man. He didn’t kill people. But he was an idiot, so in love with his dream that he was almost delusional. Instead of calling the cops like I was about to, I did something I knew would insure he would leave and never return on his own free will.
“Fuck yeah, I have been. Did you hear where I was all those weeks when I wasn’t answering your calls? I was getting fucked by a truck driver that I paid to let me ride around the U.S. with him. Oh, and he fucked like a god, too. I swear his dick stretched me so hard as he rammed it in my pussy.” His face twisted into an expression of disgust. If there was one thing Lane couldn’t have, it would be a tarnished woman for his wife and image. He couldn’t have people knowing that his wife slept with a trucker, or that he screwed her dirty.
“Livia, stop talking like that. It’s not right, coming out of your mouth.” He grimaced, but wasn’t giving up yet. My evil smile grew, and I was so not done. This was making me feel good, especially since it was all true. Killian was a god in bed. I would scream it to the world if I had to.
“What? A lady shouldn’t talk about getting fucked hard and fast by a big cock? And a strong man? Just wait until I tell you about his wicked tongue, and thick fingers. Oh, and the way he talked.” My brain started thinking about the way he talked in bed, his voice and the way it could make me come alone. I loved his voice so much. The more I could hear his voice in my head, the more my rage started to disappear and fall into sadness. I wanted all those things with him again. I wanted to hear him call me his sunshine, and to fall apart in his hands while he watched. I wanted to wake up curled in his arms every morning.
“You are not the same girl I wanted to marry.” That I could agree with him on.
“You’re right. I’m Killian’s woman. Always will be. He loves me, and the woman I am.” I looked at him with defiance in my eyes. His upper lip curled in disgust at me again, and then he turned to leave. ’Bout damn time.
I sat on the love seat and pulled my phone back out of my pocket.
1,2,3,4 by Plain White T’s.-Livia
Chapter Thirty -Two
Livia
Itried calling Killian after not hearing from him for a few days since my text. A part of me was worried I was too late, but I couldn’t give into that part. I knew I felt his love for me through his actions, especially in New York. He loved me. He just didn’t want to hold me back from spreading my wings. I see that now. Any man who would give me up, when he loved me and wanted me for himself, was a man worth fighting for. So here I was in San Diego, knocking down Joel Kline’s door. I hoped he was home.
He opened up shortly after my third knock, wearing board shorts and sun shirt. Maybe he just got done surfing for a bit.
“Livia?” He said my name in confusion. Couldn’t blame him there. The gate was locked, as he was probably wondering how I got to the door, but I used my tomboy roots from my youth and climbed over his wall using a palm tree to balance my feet on. It was hard, but hopefully worth it.
“Hey, Joel. Um, can I come in?” I smiled at him, using my best pleading, puppy-dog eyes.
“Uh, yeah.” He stepped back, and I walked into his house.
“How’d you get in?” He was holding back laughter. I just couldn’t tell if it was nervous laughter or just laughter from the situation.
“I used a palm tree and climbed over. Might have some boot marks on your tree. Sorry.” I was sorry for that. Poor tree.
I plopped myself down on his couch and took a breath. I had been on a plane for hours, and I was tired.
“So, whatcha need?” He got right to the point.
“I’ve been trying to reach him for a few days. He hasn’t answered, and I need to find him.” I’d looked for a Lemarque on Sugarloaf Key but found nothing. And I wasn’t quite ready to be the stalker necessary to go down there and search every road for his big truck. He might not have even been home, so I would have wasted a trip, especially considering how long he could be gone.
“Why now?” He was looking at me with a guarded expression; it was that of a friend trying to protect his own.
“I had to help my family for a few weeks, and then I had to find myself. But you already knew I needed to do that.” I had a sneaking suspicion he recognized the lost girl in me.
