“I’ll tell you my story, you tell me yours?” Tell him my story. Was I ready for that? I’d been keeping it all inside; I didn’t know what was going to happen when I let it all out.
“I’m scared.” I was. Once I said it, it would be real. All of it.
“I’ll throw you a lifesaver.” I smiled at this remark. Our whole drowning together, and being a lifeline thing, has become a staple between us, it seemed. But I believed him. He would help me if I needed it; I could rely on him to be my lifeline. At least for now.
“Okay.”
“My story, then.” He closed his eyes and his arm that was around me tightened briefly then let go. I knew this was probably hard on him, but he was so strong. Stronger than I think he even realized.
“Grew up in a nice family. No siblings. Wanted to join the military, parents didn’t like that, threatened to never talk to me again if I did. I figured they were just trying to manipulate me into going to college, so I was surprised when I came back on leave and they refused to see me. My grandma Martha was the only one who still talked to me. Two years later, we were on a nighttime run, and were attacked.” He paused, and I could see he was reliving it in his head. My lips pressed a kiss against his warm skin, letting him know I was here in the present. His eyes opened and found mine.
“Everybody died. I tried rescuing my mate Lonny, but he ended up getting shot, and my back got burnt to hell from an explosion taking out the Hummer.” Tears formed in my eyes. I knew it was something horrible that happened to him. Thankfully he wasn’t tortured like I’d thought before, but this wasn’t much better. People died. People close to him.
“Grandma visited me every day at the VA, and when I was done with the military, I moved in with Joel until I could figure out what to do with myself. It started small, going on road trips to help him get cars and shit. Got a beat-up old rig, and word got around about who Joel the movie star and Lucas, Grandma’s lover, used to transport their cars, and it just sort of built itself ever since. When Grandma died, she left me all her money, and left instructions for me to get a new rig. Been driving ever since.” You could hear it in his voice, that he was proud of the life he created. I just wish it wasn’t such a lonely life for him, beyond his interactions with Joel and Lucas. He probably liked it that way, but it still made me hurt for him to not have anyone else.
“I’m sorry for your pain.” He kissed my forehead.
“We all suffer, one way or another. I’ve been content to let a cloud hang over my head. Don’t bother me none.” I hated those words. He didn’t deserve to have a cloud over him. He deserved the sunshine. Sunshine!
“Why sunshine?” I felt it in my bones that I needed to hear what he was going to say.
“Caught on. Despite being okay with my cloud, you bring a little sunshine into my world. It’s nice to bask in.” My heart melted for him.
“Your turn.” He changed the subject abruptly, seeming uncomfortable with the direction it had taken.
“I guess it is.” I sighed, and snuggled against him closer, ready to take a leap toward moving on to a brighter future.
Chapter Nineteen
Livia
“My twin brother died a month and a week ago. Car accident.”
“Livia.” Killian’s voice was soft; he knew this was hard for me.
“He was hit by a family who tried to avoid a deer, rolling over his SUV. The family was okay; no one was seriously injured. But my brother suffered a punctured lung, broken bones, and bleeding in the brain.” I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing when his bloodied and bruised face entered my head.
“He was such a happy person all the time. We were always goofing off together. He loved to travel and experience new things. I ended up being the reserved one out of the two of us.” Killian’s hand started rubbing my bare back in comfort.
“We had twenty-eight hours with him before the bleeding became too much, and then he was gone.” I cried so hard that night. My brother was gone. I’d never see his smiling face again. Never listen to him tell me that I needed to grab life by the horns and all. He wanted me to leave Lane, to get out and live life. I was having dinner with Lane and his proper family when I got the call from Mom. I wanted to be at the hospital the whole time, but Lane talked me into waiting because I promised I would be there for dinner. Guilt for not being by my brother’s side had consumed me for days.
“He was like you, in a way. But smiled more.” I tried to lighten the air a little.
“He traveled everywhere he could. Always tried to get me to go, but I always found an excuse not to. Busy working. Gotta make money. Gotta spend more time with someone. Always something.” That was the problem.
“There’s always something people put in the way of their own happiness. You can always make more money, you can always work somewhere else. It was something he tried to teach me over and over. I just couldn’t listen. Instead I lived with a man I don’t think I ever loved. I think we were more like roommates than anything. I ran my own little beauty product shop, which I enjoyed, but I don’t think it was my true passion. It just sort of happened.” I wanted to stop talking. I could feel all the pain was settling in my muscles from talking about it all. But I couldn’t stop now. It was like my brain wouldn’t let me.
“After he died, Lane tried to get me out of my funk by inviting some friends over. One of them, I never cared for, but he was Lane’s golf buddy from the club. He tried to force himself on me that night.” Killian’s whole body tightened like he had been electrocuted. I had to quickly add to my story before he went into a fit of anger that I could see stewing in him.
“He didn’t get far. Lane walked in, and accused me of cheating on him with his friend. Me, cheating on him. Not even thinking that his friend tried to rape me. In that moment it was like everything became clear. I left him, and the house, to live with my parents. I sold my shop and decided to take to the road. Julian, my brother, loved the road, and I thought I would maybe find peace in it like he had.” The rest of the story was easy, and I was almost done, so I just kept on, feeling a small smile on my face.
“My car broke down at the truck stop.” I snorted a laugh, thinking about how stupid I’d been not checking anything before my trip.
“I’d been talking with a few of the truckers when the idea hit me, to ride along with someone whose life was the road, so I could figure out what I was going to do about my wrecked life, and they told me you were the only one leaving. My only salvation. That brings us to here.” I lifted up to really get a view of his face, and maybe some insight to what he was thinking about everything. I didn’t mean to get everything out like that, but it just started flowing, and I was helpless to stop it. I wanted him to know everything. So now he did.
“I found peace on the road, Killian, because of you.” I prayed I wasn’t scaring him away by saying that. He sat up and I rose with him further, wondering what he was thinking.
“We ain’t talking about that shithead ex ever again, get me?” His voice was hard but not menacing.
