“Dance with destiny, Livia,” he whispered against me, and I swear it was the hottest thing anyone has ever said to me. My whole entire body turned molten, and I wanted nothing more than to let everything go with him. No struggles, no pain, no problems. Just me and him, right now, dancing in Vegas. A place I never thought I’d be.
My nose ran along his cheekbone, and my hips started swaying slowly against him. He understood that as my agreement. From that moment, neither of us disconnected from the other. His hands were on me, and mine were running over his chest, feeling him, feeling every flex of his muscles from my touch. Even as the song changed to something different, we danced as if our theme song was still going on. His erection was pressed against my abdomen, and I felt the need to do something about it.
Never had I felt so strongly about a man’s desire. I moved against him, and pulled him closer than we were before. I needed to be plastered to this man. He must have felt the same way, because his fingers splayed against my ass, and pulled me hard against his cock. A gasp fled my lips.
It was that gasp that did him in; his hand cupped behind my neck and his lips crushed against mine.
My knees immediately felt weak, but he was quick to catch me, holding my body to his with his strong arm around my waist. Wasting no time, our tongues met and explored each other’s mouths. His kiss lit a fire in me that I would gladly burn to ashes in, just for a taste of more. Soft lips, but demanding in their pursuit to electrify my soul. I held onto him so tightly, I feared for ripping his shirt. Not a horrible crime to commit against humanity. When his hips moved his cock against me, I was on my way to a complete unraveling.
“Killian.” His name was a prayer on my lips, a prayer to soothe the ache that had been created.
“Say my name one more time, and I’ll crush your perfect fucking body against the wall behind us, and dry fuck you until everyone on the strip knows my name.”
“Oh, God.” My head rolled back as his lips moved over my neck, pressing hot kisses against my skin like the ones I had imagined in the shower the day before.
“God won’t want any part of the things I would do to you Livia.” I believe it. Killian would handle me in ways that only a sinner would be begging for.
It wasn’t until then that I realized I really did want him like that. I touched myself thinking of him, and had imagined him that way. But I’d never had him touch me like he was barely hanging on to his control. I’d never tasted his lips on mine. Before, I would have been okay if it never happened. It was a fantasy. Now I wouldn’t be able to truly say I’d lived until I’d had him as mine. Even for a night. I was about to plead with him to do as he said.
But then my stomach started churning.
I pulled back, and Killian looked at me with alarm in his eyes. He knew something wasn’t right, so he let me go, but kept a hand on me to steady me. It had been years since I had drank as much as I had tonight, and it seemed my body did not approve.
“Let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and I nodded. I did just want to lie down and prepare to puke.
“Sorry.” I felt bad that my stomach had bad timing. He didn’t say anything but walked with me back to the bike.
“Think you’ll be okay to ride? We aren’t far.” He was in full caretaker mode and it was something new for me. A dam between us had been broken and something had escaped between us. I prayed it was the wall he had around him from the beginning.
“Yeah.” My stomach felt sour, but I thought I could make it.
Turns out I barely made it, because as soon as we parked in front of the truck, my stomach forced all of its tenants to evacuate the premises.
Killian held me so I didn’t fall on my own vomit. After I was done, he helped me walk to the restrooms, and since there was no one in there, he went in with me to assist me with cleaning up. I was very grateful for his help. He’d become Killian the caretaker, an unexpected and sweet side to him. After that, he carried me to the truck in his strong arms, and, after huffing at me to change clothes, turned around to give me privacy. I did as I was told, but my disappointment for how the night was turning out was growing inside me by the minute.
Once dressed, I climbed into my bunk and snuggled deep into the blanket.
“Get some rest.” His voice was hoarse, and then he started taking off his clothes, getting ready for bed himself. My eyes took in every muscle as he moved to change, and that nagging disappointment bubbled up again. Tonight could have gone so differently, and because I haven’t had a drink in years, my stomach couldn’t hack it. I had felt like I was moving on, and getting past the troubles that were following me. But I realized I was just running away from them.
Tears started flowing from my eyes, and I couldn’t muffle the sobs escaping from my mouth.
Everything was hitting me all at once, and I felt like I needed to purge the feelings that I’ve kept inside me for the past month. My tears didn’t even pause when big arms wrapped themselves around my body and lifted me against a warm chest. In fact, it made me cry harder, that he didn’t hate me for ruining the mood earlier. He adjusted us, and then laid us down in his bunk together, my head on his chest, and his arms holding me against him tightly.
“I’m sorry.” I was saying sorry for so many things: sorry for crying on him, sorry for killing the mood, sorry for being in his space, when he clearly liked being alone. Sorry for doing this completely selfish deal in the first place.
He didn’t say anything, and I guess I wasn’t really expecting him to. Emotions like this were probably not his forte, but nonetheless, the tears flowed, until I felt the weight I had been holding onto start to lighten. I wasn’t ready to let it all out and vocalize everything. But I did feel okay to voice one thing out loud—not for him, but for me to just put it out into the world that I was accepting my fate.
“Lane, my ex, really wanted to make sure that if we got married that I could have his babies. Children of his bloodline. And he even hid my pills to make sure it would happen. When it didn’t, we went to talk to a specialist. I was so swept up in everything that I really didn’t think about whether I truly wanted children with him. I was focused on the fact that it might not happen for me. I finally checked my messages yesterday, and saw the doctor called. My chances of having a baby through normal means are very low, which makes me sad. But I’ll move on. It’s not the end of the world, right?”
Chapter Fourteen
Killian
How was I supposed to answer her question? My first thought was, her ex was a dick, and I should beat the shit out of him. That could possibly make her feel better. But I didn’t think she would appreciate me saying that out loud, at least not right now.
My arms squeezed her a little tighter. It was the only answer I could give her. I couldn’t promise things would be okay. Shit happened. You get a hand of cards in life, and you lived with what you were dealt. You just had to force yourself to get up every morning and do it.
“I’ll be okay,” she said, more for herself than me. That I believed. Whatever was weighing on her would eventually fall off, and she would be free.
