Chapter Thirty
“Jake.” His name was a whisper on my lips.
“Sweetheart.” Hearing my nickname coming from his did me in, I cried. I felt his arms wrap around me and scoop me up against him. It felt so good to be in his arms. My hands touched him, and my tears soaked his shirt. He walked us over to a beach chair that was still in sight of the bar’s lights, but not as bright.
“I’ve missed you so much.” As my words came out, my lips were in search of his. I needed him, I needed him to take away the pain.
“Make me forget for just a moment. Please Jake.” My hands started pulling at his belt. I was upset, but I still loved him and wanted him.
“Sweetheart, I need you back in my life.” His lips found mind and that was the match to our fire. I didn’t give him an answer. I couldn’t be in his life, not in the way we both wanted. But we could have this moment.
“You have me. Right now.” It was all I could do. Seeming okay with my answer, his hands slid to the hem of my dress and pushed it up. My fingers finished on his belt and made quick work of his zipper. With ease, he flipped us so I was beneath him, eagerly spreading my legs for him. I was ready, and needed him like nothing before. My tears had ceased and my mind was focused on one thing: no pain, no hurt, only Jake. His lips clashed with mine and he pushed my tiny panties to the side. We didn’t have long enough to take our time. We both knew this was our moment, and that was it.
My back arched into him when he slid inside me, I cried out into his mouth, and felt at peace. He moved with long and hard strokes. Filling me over and over, like the waves as they constantly crashed onto the sand. His body pressed into mine and I wrapped my arms around him, needing the closeness. He was my everything, and yet he couldn’t be anything to me. I shut off my mind and gave into the sensations of the man selflessly giving me himself, when he knew I couldn’t give him what he wanted.
“Oh God… Jake…” I was close. He lifted my right leg and brought it up to his hip, giving him a deeper angle.
“That’s right, sweetheart. Give me your release.” He groaned into me as my pussy started to quiver. I was going to burst, and when his lips moved down my cheek and to my neck, I knew he was, too. The thought of him biting my neck while he came shot me straight into my release. My head rolled back as I silently screamed and the stars above us went black. When his teeth sunk into my shoulder, I knew I would never come back from him. I would never love another man, and I could never give my body or soul to anyone else. He was my mate.
“I love you, sweetheart.” The tears threatened to come back but I fought them off. I may not have been fixed on the inside, but I did have an understanding with myself now. I would always love him, but I couldn’t live in his life.
“I will always love you, Jake. Until the day I die, but it is still too much.” He looked at me, understanding in his expression.
“You’ll always be my mate, and I will be there for you. Whether we are together in this life, or the next.” He slowly eased out of me and moved my panties back into place. I sat up while he stood, putting himself back in his pants and zipping them back up. Needing one last touch, I stood and wrapped my arms around him.
“I’ll be there, sweetheart.” I nodded at his words and leaned up to give him one last kiss. He made sure it was one I would never forget, searing the feel of his lips on mine like a brand. When the kiss broke, he walked me back to the bar and left. I hated seeing him go, but at least we parted this time both knowing where we were. The death of Casey wasn’t so fresh and emotionally draining me. I was still affected, but I felt like for the first time in weeks, I could finally breathe. Rayne and Mary were on me as soon as I sat at the bar.
“We saw Jake come in, then disappear. You okay?” Rayne asked and I nodded.
“Yeah, I actually feel better.” I gave her a halfhearted smile. They both accepted my answer and for the rest of the night, I tried to enjoy being out and alive. When we got back to my apartment that night, I didn’t feel upset, or shed one single tear. I felt alone still, but I had been alone before Jake and would be all right being alone now. I showered, and changed into some jammies, then lay down in bed to read.
I checked on the rescue’s Facebook page quite a bit as weeks passed since my beach sex with Jake. I smiled when I saw that the money I had helped raise went toward new fencing and a brand new enclosure for a bear they would be bringing in. Another retired circus bear. I doubt Koda and the new bear would be able to be around each other, but it was still nice that the money went to good use. Jake hadn’t been in any videos lately. I knew this because I checked. Often.
I just wanted to see his face. But both Autumn and Helen had taken over that duty for now it seemed. Word of Casey’s passing spread as well. While it made me very sad, it made me proud to see so many people comment, share, and spread awareness of cub petting. Maybe one day things could change and cub petting would stop. But, until then, the people who were aware were the cubs’ voices. They had the knowledge to create change.
I busied myself with work, and trying to be a human again, all while helping Rayne with the nursery. They had decided to stay in the apartment for now, but had plans to move into a house near the water. We decorated the room in a sea creature theme. He or she was one super-loved baby. Helping Rayne had given me something to focus on, something I was starting to lack in the other facets of my life.
“Your body is so hot,” I grumbled as Rayne laid under my covers. She was due any day now, and her body was like a furnace. Arson was working with some contractors at his gym all night and wouldn’t be done until about noon, so I told her she could stay with me. Keep her company and be there if she needed anything.
“Sorry, I’ve been sweating like a pig at night now. This baby needs to be done cooking soon. I’m tired of not being in control of my body.” She rolled her bigger belly towards me. I scrambled out of the comforter and lay on top of it. Much cooler.
“Try and get some sleep, babe. I’ll be fine,” I promised her. She needed her rest; Arson said she had been waking up in the middle of the night wide-awake lately, so I figured she must be exhausted. Her soft breaths let me know she had fallen asleep. Once I knew she was out and didn’t need anything, I let myself finally drift off, until my phone beeped and woke me up at 5a.m. I grabbed my phone and read the text message. It was from my pharmacy, saying that my birth control was ready to be picked up. I read it a couple of times, trying to understand it. It wasn’t time for me to get my birth control yet. I still had another week.
I flipped over to my calendar app and counted the days. And then counted them again. And again. Something wasn’t right. I was supposed to pick up my birth control, and the week that was my off week, I didn’t get my period. So it’s been four weeks since I had my last period, Jake and I had sex in the middle, I didn’t get Aunt Flo when I was supposed to. For some reason I kept trying to figure out which was wrong, the text or the calendar. As gently as I could, so I wouldn’t wake Sleeping Beauty, I got up and went to look at my birth control pack. Which was actually difficult, because I couldn’t remember where it was.
“Well, that isn’t good.” I looked all over in places I would have put the pack, and finally found it in my drawer in the bathroom. I really hoped I was a responsible adult and took my pills like I was supposed to. Slowly I opened the pack, treating it like a vicious animal. Half-empty.
“Crap,” I muttered.
I stood there and chewed on my bottom lip, afraid to think of what this could mean. My mind was going crazy. I had to know, so I dug through my cabinet for the little box. Years ago I had a pregnancy scare with a boyfriend. Thankfully it was just a false alarm, but I still had one stick left. Once I found the box, I pulled out the foil-covered pee stick and stared at it. God, what if I was? I was terrified to find out.
“Put your big girl panties on, Cammy.” I tried to give myself a pep talk. I took a couple breaths, sat on the toilet and peeled back the foil. I held the stick down below, ready to pee. But I couldn’t make myself do it. I was beyond nervous about what I was thinking.
“Pee. It’s okay. You wanted a family, so it’s okay. We got this. Just pee.” I was talking to myself, willing my body to just let it flow. As soon as I start to golden shower the stick, I heard Rayne call my name from the bedroom.
