‘She cares about you.’
‘I know, but I can’t be the daughter she wants me to be. I can’t take Dad’s place and be at her beck and call all the time. She needs so much support. I do feel a bit guilty that Phoebe has to shoulder most of the burden, but she was always closer to Mum anyway.’
‘I’m sure your mum loves both of you equally.’
Jules shrugged and turned away slightly.
The trouble was she hadn’t loved both of her parents equally. She wondered if any child did if they were honest. Wasn’t there always one parent who you had a closer connection with and therefore loved more? If her mother had died, would she have felt as devastated?
‘Do your parents love you and your brother equally?’
Carrie twisted her lips.
‘I always thought they loved my brother more – until he dropped out of the life they had planned for him. Then it was my turn.’
‘For more love?’
‘I don’t think they’d see it like that, but yes, that’s how it felt.’
‘And now?’
Carrie laughed.
‘Well, now we’ve both disappointed them so I suppose we’re equal in the love stakes again.’
‘Maybe it’s impossible to give all of your children the same amount of love at the same time.’
She shifted a little on the rock as a slight ache started in her right-hand side. Hopefully her period was about to start at last.
‘Tell me a bit about this place, about the people who came here,’ she said.
‘Well,’ Carrie said, twisting around and looking behind them. ‘Over there, beneath those blackberry brambles is the long barrow, a burial chamber.’
‘Oh!’ Jules said. ‘Do you think there are children buried there?’
‘Probably.’
‘I wonder if they felt the same as we do now. Hundreds of years ago they were struggling with the same issues or maybe they were too bothered with survival. Maybe we’re too much inour heads these days and not enough in our bodies. Life and death,’ she murmured, ‘it’s as if you can feel the two worlds mingling up here. The wind and the landscape make you feel more alive, but that barrow is a reminder of how temporary it all is.’
‘Listen to you getting all philosophical,’ Carrie half-joked. ‘People do come here because of its spiritual significance, its energy. You’ll often find flowers at the base of the stone or crystals in the weatherworn pockets.’
She stood up and Jules followed her.
‘Look, here’s a turquoise, and an amethyst.’
They walked around in a circle.
‘And a beautiful little pink quartz shaped like a heart,’ Jules said. She looked at Carrie. ‘These are people’s hopes and dreams.’
‘And sometimes their memories. It steals a little of your soul, this place, which is why people use it as a shrine.’
Jules breathed in the fresh, slightly salty air.
‘I get that, more than I’ve ever got churches or cathedrals. I bet you get amazing birds, too.’
‘They’ve recently released sea eagles on the island, which is a bit controversial, but I haven’t seen one yet.’
‘I’d love to see a sea eagle,’ Jules said. ‘My dad used to take me birdwatching sometimes. It was our time together.’
