‘I think they can inspire you to want to be a better version of yourself, but only you can do it. I also think there’s a lot of pressure to improve ourselves all the time and it’s important to accept that most of us are dealing with life the best we can at any given moment.’
‘I feel so weak, not physically, but emotionally. With the mums in my care, I spend so much time building up their confidence, especially if they are on their own, but really, I’m a fraud.’
‘You’re not a fraud. You are resilient and kind and wonderful, but you do tend to overthink things. So far as I know Lance has never seriously dated anyone since Sarah died. He’s just devoted himself to Erin and Fitz and the business. There’s no reason to think that’s going to change. Why don’t you just come along tomorrow and have a nice evening and if it gives Lance a bit of extra moral support then that’s all good, isn’t it? One of the things you’re really good at is moral support. You’ve just said so yourself.’
Jules nodded. Maybe she’d think about going to the gallery opening after all.
She’d borrowed Beulah’s car and gone into Yarmouth to buy herself a new dress. It was ankle skimming and floaty with little covered buttons down the front and a tie at the back, which cinched the floral fabric in at the waist. Jules swayed backwards and forwards in front of the full-length mirror. It was the perfect summer dress. She let her hair dry naturally in the afternoon sunshine and used her fingers to tease out the waves. Her toenails were painted a pretty carnation pink and she’d borrowed some gold sandals from Carrie. As she stood looking at herself, she dropped her shoulders, lifted herself up from the hips and took a deep breath. This would be the most amount of people she had been with for weeks. Suddenly she wasn’t sure how she would cope. If she could just go under her own steam and be free to leave when she wanted to, she’d be all right.
‘Oh, don’t you look beautiful,’ Beulah said, popping her head around the door.
‘Thanks, Mum. You look pretty glam yourself.’
Beulah beamed and did a little twirl.
‘I’ve been wanting an excuse to wear this hand-painted silk blouse forever. It’s vintage. I got it in a charity shop in Chichester, and I’d already got these trousers.’
‘It’s very you.’
‘Thank you, darling. I think your father would have liked it. I always think about his tastes when I buy something special. I always wanted to look nice for him. I still do.’
‘But you still dressed for yourself, didn’t you?’
‘Of course, but then your father never wanted me to be anybody apart from who I was.’
‘That’s nice. I think Gavin tried to turn me into a version of his perfect woman.’
Beulah came over and placed her hands on Jules’s forearms.
‘Jules, my precious, to those of us who love you best, you are perfect as you are.’
Jules blinked away tears.
‘I’m so sorry for being such a difficult daughter, for letting you down, for not being there when you needed me.’
Beulah tightened her grip and adopted a fierce expression.
‘Do not say that. You have never ever let me down. We’ve both dealt with what life has thrown at us in the best way that we could and I’m more than aware that I’m not the easiest of mothers. Now, please do not cry because you’ll set me off, too.’
‘I don’t think I’m up to going tonight. All of those people…’
‘Which is what I thought you would say.’
She reached for her clutch bag and fished a small brown bottle from inside and waved it in front of Jules’s face.
‘Rescue remedy. Marvellous stuff. It’s got me through stage fright on many occasions. Open your mouth.’
She dropped some of the liquid on to Jules’s tongue.
‘Now, come on, I’m going to drop you around to the farm and I’ll see you there.’
Jules smiled. Trust her mother to have wangled an invitation through Jo. She was glad though. It felt surprisingly reassuring to know that she was going to be there.
‘I could come with the two of you.’
‘Oh, darling, would that you could, but Jo’s car’s on the blink so I said I’d pick her up and I really don’t want you squashed into the back seat of the Fiat in that gorgeous dress. Besides, from what you’ve told me Tasha could do with some moral support as well.’
‘Dad’s too busy to come and Mum’s thrown a wobbly so she’s redoing her make-up, but I’ve got to go with her and Will,’ Tasha said when Jules arrived at the farm. She checked her watch. ‘Lance and Erin will be here soon. Oh, here they are.’
