A tear escapes, and he wipes it away.“You can’t die. I can’t live without you.Auroracan’t live without you.”
He wraps himself around me and lifts me onto his lap as if I’m not six-three and two-hundred pounds. He relaxes into the pillows, widening his knees, and tucks my face into his throat.
This would be sexy as fuck if I wasn’t battling depression—that bitch.
“You need to let go, Jax.” He runs his fingers up my neck and into my hair. “You don’t have to be strong for me. Fall apart. I got you.”
I’ve always had to be strong. For my mother, for my father, for the media, for Aurora…but for Ethan, I don’t have to pretend. He accepts me for who I am, and my walls crumble. I collapse into him, and my body racks with sobs.
I let it all out—the guilt, the shame, the torment…
He clutches me to him, his pulse pounding against mine. “You’re breaking my heart, baby boy. Hold on a little longer for me. I promise I’ll give you the life you deserve. I’ll never leave your side. You’ll wake each morning with your head on my chest, your arm around me. You want a yacht? Fuck it. Get a yacht. Buy a jet for all I care. We’ll explore the world if that’s your dream. And I’ll be with you every step of the way, fighting your demons, until you’re sick of me.”
With each word, my tears and hopelessness subside. “I’ll never be sick of you.”
He kisses my temple and plays with my hair. “I love you. I love your scent. You smell like the beach and goddamn sunshine. I love how you taste. I love your snarky attitude. I love how you feel in my arms, as if you’ve always belonged there. You can’t leave me, Jax.” His tone turns rough, his touch desperate. “I wouldn’t survive. Do you need to see someone?”
“No,” I choke. “The last thing I need is to be locked away from you and Aurora. I won’t harm myself.”
“Will you tell me if it becomes too much? Anytime? Anywhere?”
I swallow hard. “Yes.”
“Do we need to pinky promise?”
I stifle a weak, breathy chuckle. “No.”
“You wanna talk about it? Reece said you have flashbacks—and before you get mad, he has them too, from the military. He’s worried about you and pissed at Bennett for the way she handled that…fucking interrogation.”
“Nope.” I shake my head. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
He releases a heavy sigh. “Okay. Just know I’m always here. I’ll never think differently of you. Is there anything you need?”
“I kind of like being on your lap.”
He barks out a laugh, deep and throaty. “You wanna sit on my lap and listen to how I met Dimitri?”
“Yes. Of course.”
He drapes the blanket over me and recalls the first time he remembers his mother overdosing, how he screamed for her to wake up, how he ran to the diner and stayed with the twins’ father. “They gave me dinner and a bath every night. We went to the park and out for ice cream. I had new clothes and coloring books and shit I never had. That’s when I realized my life wasn’t normal. Kids aren’t left alone. They don’t go without food.”
Again and again, he somehow eases my anguish, this time by giving me his to focus on instead of my own. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m the same as your mother—an addict.”
“You’re not. I recognized it the first night we met. Even tipsy, you were full of emotion, full of fight. You wanted Aurora back. It was obvious you loved her. My mom had nothing left. Whatever love she had was locked away with my father.”
Silence falls between us, but it’s not awkward or uncomfortable. I meant it when I said I liked being on his lap. Honestly, I’m quite fond of it.
I slip my hand under his shirt and draw circles on his heated skin. “They kept me in that cell for days with no food or water.” I start to tremble and stop. That was the least of it, and I can’t go on.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’d kill every motherfucker who touched you if I could. The twins took care of the assholes who hurt Lucas—Des has a video for you when you’re ready.” Ethan rests his forehead on mine and kisses my lips. “Lucas will be okay. We’reallgoing to be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
Chapter 27
Ethan
Jax flops between Aurora and me. “Can we go back to how you love my taste?”
“Shut up,” I say through gritted teeth and clasp my hand over his mouth. “Or you’re sleeping on the couch.”
