Neither of us said a word. And I couldn’t help but wonder if Melissa was thinking the same thing I had earlier.
Was it worth it?
And even if she decided it wasn’t, could she extract herself? Could she pull herself away from the drama and the bullshit? Or would just the mere stench of association from the past make her a part of the game between the two MCs now and forever?
“Why are we doing this?”
I hadn’t meant to say it out loud. It had just kind of tumbled out of my mouth, a thought said aloud because it couldn’t remain in the depths of my mind. I wasn’t exactly sorry that it had emerged accordingly, though.
“Being with these guys,” I added, figuring at this point, I might as well keep talking. “We get great sex and some intense love and in return, what? Fear for our safety? Constant vigilance that we aren’t followed? Worries that they’ll get killed? It’s like dating police, but at least police do good for society. These guys openly say they’re just doing it for themselves.”
I was trying to talk myself out of having any attraction for Sonny. It wasn’t working very well; instead, it was making me even sadder at the prospect of things splitting apart.
“I know what you say makes sense, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it,” she said, “but would you rather be with a wimp who never gets into trouble, or a tough guy that can get himself out of it?”
I knew she was right. It was just…
“And the truth is, as much as we’re speaking logically and we’re talking about how things really are, at the end of the day, these things tend to become pretty simple when we boil them down. And whenever I think about breaking up with Corey for my own safety, I can’t do it. I can’t break my heart like that again. I knew what I was getting into. I know what I’m in. I’ll take the chance.”
“That simple?”
Melissa nodded.
“I mean, the thoughts aren’t that simple, but whenever I stop the madness and I just ask myself, ‘Do I actually want to do it? Do I actually want to break up?’ The answer is a resounding no, every single time.”
She put her phone away and turned toward me.
“If you’re asking about Sonny, that’s different. You aren’t attached yet. You can still back out if you want to. But once you get attached to these guys, Leigh, it’s a different world. You can’t ever imagine being without them.”
It sounded simple enough. Just like it probably sounded to me asking Melissa if we should move away.
Funny how we all wound up more or less in the same boat.
“What are you thinking of with him?”
I shook my head.
“If I was smart, I’d say break away from him. But—”
We both paused. Hailey was walking toward us. Her eyes were so red, she looked like she’d suffered the world’s worst allergy attack. She wasn’t sniffling anymore, but it was obvious even to the most oblivious of people that she’d been crying her eyes out.
“They say he’ll live,” she said. “But they aren’t sure when he’ll come out.”
She looked at both of us. We both sat literally on the edge of our seats. She looked like she had something to say.
“It’s absolutely worth it,” she said.She heard us.“I know what I signed up for. I know he can be stubborn, rough, and tough. I know he can sometimes be too egotistical and too stubborn. But that’s why I love him. Everything has two sides to the coin. Some men don’t get into trouble, but they’re too weak. Other men get into too much trouble because they’re weak. Sam didn’t get into this to start fights, but he’s not afraid to take one on.”
She sniffled and sighed, and then did something I didn’t think she’d do this entire hospital visit.
She laughed.
Granted, it was not a comedy-club laugh. It was not the kind of laugh one did at a good dinner story. It was a subdued, one-off laugh, the kind that wasn’t necessarily forced but also wasn’t going to last very long.
But it said something about what Hailey thought about the future that she was willing to laugh, however short and however quick, in a situation about it.
“Whatever you do with Sonny, Leigh, do it because of him, not because of whatever’s going on around him. I know that’s easier said than done, but just do your best.”
That was easy to say when you were already emotionally invested. But I wasn’t.
