“Exactly. That was shitty of him, and when I see him again, I’ll say something. But I’m not without fault. I’m…yeah.”
For a car ride with such a morbid purpose, I found myself feeling surprisingly relieved and light. It was like I’d carried the weight of my own mistakes on my shoulders but refused to acknowledge it because of what Corey had done. And make no mistake, Corey had fucked up terribly, and if he didn’t show any signs of contrition when—no, if—we met up again, then I could walk away from him without looking back once.
But it was mighty relieving to know I could look back at a situation as emotionally tense and wrought as that one and find a way forward. It was freeing, honestly. It felt good. It felt…empowering.
“Do you think you two will talk again?” Hailey asked.
She didn’t sound like she was sensing what I was feeling. Which was almost for the better, really. If I was to meet with Corey again, I didn’t want outside encouragement. I wanted it to come purely from my own decisions.
“If we bump into each other, maybe,” I said. “I’ll text him back to thank him at some point, but I doubt that I’ll ask to meet.”
But I didn’t say I wouldn’t. My sister nodded.
“Makes sense.”
By this point, the somber mood had returned, and no more conversation was had until we had to get gas about forty minutes later. But by the time that happened, I’d already made up my mind.
Yes, I would have coffee with Corey.
I wanted to see if he had grown up too. I wanted to see if he’d matured from the bullshit that had afflicted both of us in the latter part of our relationship. And, yes, I wanted to see if I still felt the faintest flickers of a spark when I saw him.
Maybe this was stupid. It certainly would have been even a few months ago. But I felt I was now at the point where I could put my emotions to the side when appropriate to gauge it. And if I wound up being triggered as I had when he surprised me outside Sam’s house, I knew I wouldn’t be ready.
* * *
The night hit, and we had finally made it to Odessa. I had asked Hailey on the ride down if she wanted to go to the house, but she’d said no. With what little savings we had, we found a cheap motel that reeked of cigarette smoke and put our stuff down.
We had our plan for tomorrow. Fill out paperwork. Affirm some things. Start the process of cleaning out the house before putting it on the market. All things that would take time. But all things we needed to do.
Before I went to bed, however, I allowed myself to do something hopeful for the future.
I grabbed my phone, pulled up the message from Corey, and typed back.
“I appreciate it. Things are hard here, and they’re better said in person. Let me know if you want to meet for coffee.”
I hit send before I had the chance to overanalyze my words. I didn’t want to come across as sounding too romantic, as I didn’t even know if Corey was someone good for me. He had to prove it first.
But just the fact that I’d even given him the chance said a lot about where we were.
And sure enough, less than a minute later, he responded.
“Yes. Let me know when you’re available.”
A few texts later of letting him know that I was out of town but would be returning soon, it was official.
I would be seeing Corey again.
And it was both terrifying and enthralling to know that there were possibilities on both ends of the spectrum.
