“It’s not like that,” I said. “It’s not like he gives me advice and then I make a decision influenced by him. You saw what he did to that Bandit that I lied about.”
“I know, I was there.”
I bit my lip. I didn’t care to revisit this particular incident.
“The point is, he’s so controlling and protective—if I’m being nice—that it would be impossible for me to have anything. Even if Mason approved of the guy, any guy worth his salt is going to stay the hell away and want nothing to do with me because of him.”
Garrett shook his head. He folded his arms and leaned forward.
“You can still tell him no. You can still tell him to stop. So why don’t you? And I don’t mean in the emotional way. I mean just set boundaries.”
His words struck at the truth, something that I only uttered in a barely audible gasp.
“Because I’m afraid.”
Afraid that if I don’t need him, it means I can lose him. And if I lose him, I’m really alone. And if I lose him and what we have doesn’t work, then my child has no adult man in his life.
“Because I’m afraid,” I whispered.
I had been through too much to start crying. But the emotions were pouring out right now, and my voice was far shakier than it had been at any point in recent memory.
“Everyone love ends up leaving me in the end,” I said. “Sometimes through death, sometimes because I push them away, but in the end, if I push my brother away, he won’t come back.”
And then another truth came to me, one that I hadn’t given deep thought to either but knew to be true the second it came to mind.
“And with you…I know I’ve been distant. I guess you could say that if I cut you off, if I keep you away, it won’t hurt as much when things do go bad. If we decide to just not be close, then we can avoid feeling anything heavy, you know?”
“Oh, trust me, I know,” Garrett said with a chuckle. “But what if we change things? What if we try and be something new? What if…”
His eyes settled onto mine and mine onto his. And though I opened my mouth to speak, there was nothing to say. I didn’t need to say anything. We both knew what we were asking the other.
In spite of everything both of us had been through, in spite of everything we had both lost, we were asking the other to work with us as we decided to risk it again.
And…
Garrett crawled forward, careful not to press on my belly. I leaned forward, welcoming him. And then…
He swept me up with a kiss.
But unlike a couple months ago, when it had just been done for the sake of danger, for the sake of the thrill, for the sake of a release, this kiss felt different. This was connection, the kiss of someone who actually liked the person they were with and not just what they stood for.
It was an honest-to-God, truly, perfectly romantic kiss.
And it was because it was that kind of kiss that I finally began to feel like whatever happened between Garrett and me, we would have some hope for the future.
And then he pulled me onto him. I straddled him and felt my hips grinding into him. And I had to say, even though things were pretty romantic, the present was still pretty damn erotic, especially the way his hands gripped me and dug into my skin, and I was more than content to remain in the moment
“Oh, Garrett,” I said as his hands went down to my ass and pulled me in. “Take me.”
He did—but not quite in the style that he had before. Instead, he lifted me up and carried me to the bedroom less as a prize he had conquered and more as a queen he had just saved. He moved swiftly but gently; confidently but carefully; powerfully but in control. And when he lay me on the bed and I looked into his eyes, I knew he saw me, not “the one he shouldn’t be with.”
He pressed his body into me, taking care to not put too much weight onto my belly. Though not yet evident, I appreciated his caution with this. He moved from kissing my lips to my neck, causing my entire body to clench down on him. I both needed that fiery kiss and felt so overwhelmed by it, I had to pull away.
The same happened when he got to my collarbone, yanking down on my shirt. I could only let this awkwardness go for a few seconds before I sat up and took my clothes off. Garrett assisted me, reaching behind and unclasping my bra after I’d gotten my shirt off. He gently guided me back down, again taking care not to put too much weight onto me and suckled on my breasts. I moaned his name and gently ran my fingers through his hair.
“Garrett…” I whispered.
He looked up to me with those eyes. I still hadn’t gotten used to the way he looked at me. I was so used to him just eying women as prizes to claim, as proof that he was no longer the dork that would get cruelly manipulated by others, that seeing him rediscover his vulnerability was touching to me. It was more powerful than anything physical he did.
