Damien waves to Cody and the man waves back as he prepares the fishing rods. His long rubber dungarees look like they’ll keep him dry and for a second, I wonder if we’re all underdressed for what’s ahead. I don’t think my skinny jeans and puffa jacket will offer much protection from the elements. A film of water sloshes in the boat and I swallow, wondering if it’s safe to get into.
‘Hop aboard.’ Cody has laid out a metal plank that we can walk across.
The girls run ahead so I sprint over to them as they get closer and pull them back by their hoods. One step out of line, they will land in the sea, and for a moment all I see is Jess sinking beneath the boat. I can’t believe I agreed to this. My heart pounds as I steady them along the plank. They merrily jump into the boat and squeal with delight.
‘This is the first time we’ve been on a boat,’ Millie tells Cody.
‘Well, young lady, you’re going to have a lovely time. My daughter is big now but she started coming on here when she was a baby and she loves the sea.’
I wince at that thought. He knew saying that would affect me but he said it anyway. Cody is good with kids, I’ll give him that. He talks about the boat and how much he loves the sea. He goes on about what fun it is and they smile and laugh. Only I have seen the other side of that man. I swallow. If he or his father were responsible for what happened to Jess, we might be in danger. No one knows we’ve booked this trip today. I grab my phone, take a selfie and post it to Instagram with a caption.
Just about to go on a fishing trip with lovely host, Cody! Looe Harbour is splendid this morning. Wish me luck and fingers crossed that none of us get seasick.
I don’t really make many posts like this, preferring to keep my personal life off social media but this has given me the reassurance I need. Cody won’t hurt us if he knows the world is aware that we’re on his boat. A lot of people know about Jess. There’s a chance I’ll get some caring emoji replies or a few comments of sympathy. That’s a part of my life that I’ve plastered all over social media. The first flurry of replies come in. As predicted, the concerned emoji’s are winning over the heart ones. A comment telling me that Jess will be watching over me pops up. It’s Nadine. I click the like button.
Then someone with no profile photo in the name of Will Wilcox adds a comment.
The danger is real. Never trust the sea. Too many people don’t come back alive.
My throat feels as though it’s clogging up so I clear it and Cody glances at me. He places his phone on a shelf. Was it him? I click onto Facebook and check for more messages but there aren’t any. Is Cody threatening me? We have to get off this boat before it’s too late and we die in some tragic accident. I glance at Cody and his stare bores through me. We’re not safe.
NINETEEN
KATE
I don’t know how to convince Damien and the girls that we need to abandon our plans. ‘It looks a bit choppy out there. Maybe we could go out another day. Girls, come over here, let me help you out. It’s not safe to be here.’ I’m trying not to show them how panicked I am inside.
‘Mummy, we want to stay in the boat.’ I go to reach for Millie to help her step back across the plank but she folds her arms and pouts.
‘Kate, what on earth? It’s okay. Stop doing this again. We’re all going to be fine.’ Damien’s stern stare tells me that I’ve overstepped the mark again. He doesn’t want me to ruin another thing for the girls. As he puts it, I’m so over the top sometimes and the girls don’t have a life. ‘Just get in the boat. This is going to be fun.’ He can’t look at me for long and he was cold over breakfast.
As I step towards Damien on the boat, I feel it bobbing underneath. The girls don’t seem bothered but I am. Nausea swells inside me. We haven’t even left the harbour and I already feel sick. The thought of being trapped with that man makes my knees tremble. I glance back at Cody but he’s not looking at me. He’s busying himself with some rope. Maybe I’ve overblown the situation. My stomach churns away. I’ve never been boat sick before. I worried more that the kids could get ill but they seem fine. I walk over to the other side and look down into the water. I’m okay while we’re moored up here. I can get off but once we leave the harbour and head into the open sea, I don’t know how I’m going to be.Never trust the sea.Maybe it’s less about the sea and more about who we’re here with.
Damien puts life jackets on the girls, then passes one to me. Even though I can swim well, I know I couldn’t win against the swell if it got choppy. The sea isn’t a pool. I pop my life jacket on too.
‘Right, ship ahoy,’ Cody calls as he starts the engine. It rumbles beneath and I find the vibrations are making me unsteady so I grip the rail like my life depends on it. ‘You can all sit on the back bench while we set sail.’
Set sail? It’s a small boat with an engine and a tiny cabin. I peer into the cabin and spot a small bench that looks like it could double up as a single bed, and below that is a tiny closed door with a WC sign on it. As Cody navigates us out of the harbour, the girls wave and say goodbye to Banjo Pier. It soon gets smaller as we get farther away, that’s when the sea feels choppier. Spray occasionally hits my face and the saltiness on my lips is adding to my nausea. I check my phone again and see that I have no signal. We’re alone out here with only Cody to rely on. There’s a radio that we can use for help if we need it. The boat falls and rises when he cuts the engine and I can’t help but feel worse now. The sound was acting as a distraction.
‘Are you both okay?’ I ask the girls.
‘Yes, this is brilliant, Mummy.’ Rosie’s cheeks are pink and her hair is already tangling up in the salty air as it falls from the ponytail I did for her before we left.
‘Right, we have to catch a fish for dinner.’ Damien stands and takes one of the rods out of the holder. He’s been on one of these type of trips before and the girls look at him like he knows what he’s doing. ‘Kate, are you grabbing a rod.’
I shake my head. ‘No. I don’t feel good. Sorry. I’ll be alright when I’ve got used to it in a minute.’ Fishing isn’t my thing. I don’t like to see them flapping on the end of a line, fighting for life but Damien loves fishing.
Cody turns around. My husband and children are distracted. ‘See, what a lovely day we’re all having.’ He grins and it’s almost like he forgot that we bickered last night and this morning.
‘Girls, stay behind your dad.’
‘It’s okay, Kate. I’m right here, with them. Let them have some fun. They’re not going anywhere.’ He rolls his eyes.
Cody’s glare feels as though it’s probing every corner of my mind and the fact that he doesn’t blink is unnerving me.
I look away. I’m sure it was him who sent the message last night. I didn’t see anyone else lurking around the harbour staring at me. He knew I was there. The more I think about it, the more I should focus on Cody. He was working on his boat on the day Jessica went missing. My focus has been on his father but I have to keep my mind open at this stage and my instinct tells me I should be scared of him.
‘Kate, you’re missing out on all the fun.’ Damien roars as he nearly catches a fish.
