“You’ve saved me from nights of terror, and kept me company when I lost most everyone in my life. No one else could ever fully understand what I’ve been through—but you did. You had the biggest heart of any living thing on earth, and you’ll live inside mine for the rest of my life. If we get to keep pups in heaven—wait for me, will you? I love you, buddy.”
He stood again, turning to hold his auburn angel, tears still streaming down her cheeks right along with him.
Justin took a few deep breaths and regained his composure enough to open the door and let the doctor know he was ready. An IV was placed, and a blanket was laid over Bear’s back to keep him warm.
“When you give the go ahead, I’ll push the medicine through. He won’t feel any pain, and you can stay here in this room as long as you’d like afterward.”
Justin nodded, giving permission for the doctor to proceed. It happened just like he’d said. Bear’s back slowly stopped moving up and down, and when it did—Justin swore he saw his dog’s spirit float out and up to heaven.
She sat straight up. It had to be midnight, or the early hours of the morning. She could hear his thrashing from across the hall. She paused, waiting to see if he’d settle. She still didn’t know what this was or how often it happened. She hadn’t brought it up to him. After she’d seen Bear come to his rescue that first night after she’d moved in, she didn’t feel it was necessary. But now…Bear was gone.
She assumed his nightmares had something to do with his trauma, stemming from the abuse and abandonment he’d experienced as a child. But he seemed so put together during the day. You wouldn’t even know he still suffered from it. Although, knowing to what extent his pain went was only equal to the amount of information he’d given her.
The movement stopped for a minute or two…until she heard the most blood curdling, painful scream rushing through her ears. Blythe ran across the hall and entered Justin’s room. It was dark, but she could see him shaking. His blankets were tossed to the side, and when she crawled onto his bed to lay next to him,she felt the beads of sweat that seemed to litter his entire body. His torso was bare, as usual, and his heart was racing fast.
“Shhh…” she whispered as she laid her hand on his chest. Justin immediately rolled to his side and pulled her to him completely. He was so strong, she had to adjust herself to avoid being crushed by his massive arms that were clinging to her as if his life depended on it.
“Don’t leave!” His voice was desperate, and she whispered promises that she would stay. They both finally drifted to sleep and eventually woke with the sun.
“Why are you in my bed, sugar?” Justin chuckled and planted a kiss on her forehead.
Blythe’s eyes fluttered open. When she looked up into those blue irises, she saw the realization dawn on him.
“Shit… I never wanted you to see me like that. I have things under control when I’m awake. I’ve gone to a lot of therapy, and I’ve worked through it all. But my subconscious hasn’t caught the fucking memo.”
“It’s okay, Justin, I’m here. It was probably worse because of what happened yesterday. Want to talk about it?”
“No. There’s nothing to talk about. It doesn’t happen often, maybe once or twice a month. But Bear always took care of it. I can’t promise what it’ll be like now that he’s not here.”
His tone was frustrated, bordering anger. She wanted to tell him she’d just sleep in his bed every night, but she knew she couldn’t do that. When you sleep with someone, that’s as intimate as it gets without taking your clothes off—and let’s be honest, her clothes would totally come off.
“Does white noise help? Or music?”
“Don’t know. Guess we could try. But I’ve got to get ready.”
She watched him get out of bed, start taking off his pajama bottoms, and pull on his clothes. His boxer briefs left little to the imagination. She’d heard a guy’sgoodsdid that in the morning,but she’d never seen it. Her eyes were like saucers before she darted them toward the floor, instead.
“There was so much going on yesterday, did anyone say when his ashes would be ready to pick up? Oh, and the ceramic paw print?” Justin looked up from buttoning his jeans.
“Uh, yeah, next week,” Blythe stated matter-of-factly. She let him know she would check in with the canine crematory and confirm which day.
Justin went off to his appointments, after he shoved down what little his stomach could handle for breakfast. Blythe had the entire day to herself and planned on completing the paint on the apartment walls. When she finished, it was mid-afternoon. She locked everything up and headed back to the house.
She needed to tidy everything up in there, too—get some laundry started and make things extra calm so when he came home, Justin could feel the peace he was most definitely lacking since yesterday afternoon. She didn’t know what kind of mood he would be in, but she knew it was important she be in a chipper one when he saw her.
The front door opened and closed at five-thirty PM. When she heard his footsteps traveling toward the kitchen, she prepared herself. She straightened her shirt and put on her best smile. When he came into view, she ran up to give him a hug in greeting.
“How was your day?” She pulled back and then pecked him on the lips to gauge his reaction.
He gave her a soft smile and kissed her back, letting her know that his day had gone as good as it could’ve. He sat down at the table and ate his dinner. When he was finished, he rinsed his plate and walked toward the stairs, speaking to her at the same time. “I’m exhausted. Thank you for dinner—I’m headed to bed.”
What the hell was that?
He seemed more distant than she’d ever seen him. Actually, she’d never seen him distant at all. Shouldn’t he want comfort in a time like this? Blythe was about to follow after him but thought twice. He needed his space, and she was willing to respect that—for now.
The following days were similar in fashion, but every day he got further and further away from her. He’d stopped working on the apartment completely. There were still things to do in the bathroom and the kitchen, things Blythe couldn’t do herself. She was handy, but in a girl way—not a manly, wrench-and-power-drill type of way. When the weekend rolled around and he still wasn’t pulling out of it, she knew she had to intervene.
Justin slept in later, as she expected. He never carried appointments on weekends, except for emergencies. So, she didn’t bother him right away. She hadn’t witnessed any more nightmares, and she hoped when he woke up he would be in a more pleasant and positive mood. She puttered around and did what chores she needed to, there was always the usual daily upkeep. She popped in her ear pods and made a phone call to Jenny.
