Then, it was Denise who was stepping forward. She walked until her forehead was touching my gun. “Do you have any idea how many people I’ve watched get killed because they thought that the police could protect them? Cops care even less about human lives than the mafia does. Illiana’s got CPD rigged. She would know in a heartbeat if I went to the cops. You think I’m fucking dumb?”
So much resolve and sincerity filled her voice that I knew I’d made a mistake. I started to lower my gun, and Denise reached up and slapped me across the face. It stung, though more emotionally than physically. I was the one person who was believing in Denise, and just like that, I proved that I was no different from anyone else around her.
“Denise.”
She held up her hand. “I don’t want to hear it.” She walked over and sat down at the dining room table, and I tucked my gun away and went to join her. We sat in silence for a long time before Denise finally said, “Not much has changed since we last talked.”
“I need to know more about what’s going on between Illiana and Carmine,” I responded, and I hated how we suddenly felt like all business.
“I’m already working on it,” she said. “Reconnecting with Carmine, trying to get to the bottom of why he’s the one she chose. I’m hoping to get more answers this week.”
I sighed. “I might have expected that wouldn’t sit well with you either.” My fingers drummed against the table, the only sound when Denise didn’t respond. “I’m sorry. It’s—”
Denise cut me off. “I told you I didn’t want to hear it. You don’t owe me an apology, anyway. This is kind of how people treat me.”
That was my biggest concern. Here I was, tryingnotto be her run of the mill interaction, and instead, I turned around and did the exact opposite. “Denise.” I stood up from my chair and walked around to where Denise was sitting. I crouched down in front of her and rested my hands on her legs. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I could make an excuse, that I’m stressed out or just panicked, but the truth is, I let my dad and my brother get in my head. You didn’t deserve that. I will never do that again. I promise.”
“Okay,” Denise responded, and it was clear in her eyes that she didn’t believe me.
“I’m serious,” I said.
Denise nodded. “Okay.”
I wanted to say something else, but what else was there to say? Standing up, I walked back over to the chair opposite Denise and sunk down into it. All the light had evaporated from her eyes, and she looked similar to the shell that she was when we woke up the morning we left my house and came to the safe house for the first time.
I’d fucked up.
“I have a proposition for you,” I said.
Denise looked across the table at me. “Okay?”
“Become an official Carducci,” I said. “Be one of us. Let us be loyal to you just like you’ve been loyal to us.”
She scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious. Do the whole thing. Change your last name. Ditch the Costas. Be a Carducci.”
Denise’s face turned serious for a minute. “Change my last name?” Her face scrunched up in confusion. “What? Are you proposing or something?”
If only.“No, of course not. I just mean come and be one of us. You’re already Callista’s sister. Arturo will come around.”
Her face went from confused back to plain. “Oh. Like a sibling?” She shook her head. “Callista wouldn’t stand up for me. Arturo’s goal seems to be to kill me. You just held a gun to my face.” She locked eyes with me. “You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t think that’s a great idea.”
“But—”
“That’s not how it works, anyway. I tried that with the Varassos. I tried that with the Binachis. I can come and be there in your house and have your last name, but it’s not going to stop me from being an outsider.” She shrugged. “I’ve accepted that I’ll never truly be a part of anything.” She stood up from the table at that. “I’m tired. Are you planning on staying?”
“I was going to,” I said, remembering her “spending the night with a friend” joke—she knew I was planning on that.
“Okay. I’ll leave, then.” She walked over to the couch and started to pack up her things.
“W-wait. You don’t have to.”
She looked over at me. “You don’t expect me to stay here with you when a few seconds ago you held a cocked pistol on me?”
Shit. I really fucked up. “I’ll go.”
“It’s fine, I can go.”
