Out of sight, out of mind had been the theme of my life. If someone wasn’t right in your face, you didn’t give a shit about them. I’d lived my whole life that way. Foolishly, I assumed that if Marco’s wife wasn’t around, he’d be looking for someone else to fill that void, but the Varassos were people who loved one another across time and space. Distance alone wasn’t enough to sever the bond between them.
How nice.
That was probably the beginning of the end. Between Marco’s rejection and Willow’s figuring out who I really was, there was nothing left to hinge me to that shred of hope I found. I snapped, and I did it in the worst possible way. Again, I assumed that no one would throw themselves in the line of fire for someone with a gun pointed at their face. It certainly shocked me when Molly did it since she seemed to be at odds with Willow. What must it be like to love someone so much that it was worth giving up your life to protect them even when you weren’t on good terms?
The Varassos were the mirror of a life I always wanted but would never have, with love that reached past the flaws and the rungs of a political ladder and existed unconditionally—the kind of love that I would never experience.
I locked my phone and looked down at Ashton again. The trials of the last couple of days went rushing through my mind, and I remembered the seductive look in his eyes after he saved me and the sweet, honest one when he comforted me after talking to my mom.
He would be a problem.
If I wasn’t careful, Ashton would give me hope again, and after what happened with the Varassos, I vowed never to put myself in a position like that again. I wouldn’t feel that stupid embarrassment that came with realizing Marco didn’t actually care about me at all, or that stinging pain that came with Gabriel denouncing me as his sibling and siding with hisrealfamily the exact same way Callista did. I didn’t mean anything to anyone, and it was best that I lived my life with that in mind. Ashton was only carrying me for as long as it was good for him. Once I was useless to him again, he’d leave me, too, just like everyone else. Even if he didn’t realize it, I did.
I refused to give him that chance.
Flipping back the covers, I climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen. The safe house that Ashton had secured for our meetups was well equipped with the most advanced appliances and technology, and it had a comfortable place to sleep. It wasn’t a huge space, just a studio apartment in a decommissioned warehouse that had been converted into living units. The studio we were in was on the top floor and had a few windows leading out to a fire escape and overlooking the distant Chicago skyline.
The bed was dead center against the apartment’s eastern wall, and directly across from it was a small, open kitchen. Not far past the front door on the southern wall, there was a dining area to the left and a living area to the right. There was a small, wall-enclosed area that held a bathroom in the far back corner against the western wall. It wasn’t anyone’s dream home, but it was comfortable and would be a good place to meet with Ashton a couple of times a month. I pulled some of the coffee pods out of the cabinet and slid one into the coffee maker, filled it with water, and then started a cup brewing. Long ago, I’d learned that Ashton didn’t like coffee, so I opened the fridge to see if there was anything he could drink, and after seeing both a few different kinds of juices and protein powder, I was confident he’d be okay and turned my attention back to my coffee.
After the events of the days previous and the impending doom of the day ahead of me, I wasn’t hungry. I did, however, owe Ashton thanks for saving my life and being so good to me the day before, so I pulled out some of the breakfast foods that were stored in the kitchen and put together a breakfast of bacon, eggs, and orange juice for him. I unearthed some kiwis from the fruit drawer and used a pair of tongs to pull them out of the fridge and drop them on the countertop, and then got the bacon going. The sizzle of it stirred Ashton from his slumber, and by the time I was setting the completed plate down on the dining room table, he was wandering over, still half asleep.
“Breakfast,” I said, motioning to the plate.
“Oh.” He sat down in front of the plate. “For me? You didn’t want any?”
“I’m not really hungry,” I responded. A look of concern immediately washed over Ashton’s face, so I held up a hand. “Don’t worry. I’m not starving myself or anything, but I need to make contact with the Costas before I eat anything. Otherwise…it just won’t be good.”
He nodded. “Just remember to take care of yourself too.”
“Yeah,” I replied flatly. “By the way, there are kiwis if you want some, but if you don’t, I’m going to throw them out. I’m extremely allergic.”
“Oh, wow,” Ashton replied. “Calli is too.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” I said. “It runs in our family. All of the Varassos avoid kiwi so as not to trigger Gabriel’s allergy, and I remember having to check all of Bennett’s baby food to make sure there wasn’t any hiding in there.”
“I didn’t know allergies could run in the family.”
I shrugged. “I guess it’s rare, but when it happens, it’s unbreakable. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of our future generations are allergic too.”
“Well, no, thank you. We also avoid kiwi because of Calli, so I’ll just take them with me and toss them in a dumpster when I leave.” Ashton took a bite of his food before saying anything else. “So we’ll meet up here once every week and then communicate more frequently over the phone. I’ll need to have regular updates to keep my dad at bay.”
My jaw dropped. “Once a week!” I yelped. “Once Illiana knows the Binachis are all dead, she’ll expect me to be around all the time. I can’t duck out overnight once a week. She’ll get suspicious. It has to be less frequent and consistent.”
“My dad,” Ashton replied, “will notice if I’m not leaving to meet up with you often. Only doing it once a week is pushing it, as it is. It has to be consistent. Otherwise, he’ll think we’re up to something and kill us both.”
An uncomfortable silence settled between us. I needed to figure something out that would keep me safe from Anthony and Illiana. “Look. I’ll come once a week and leave status updates. Like notes. It’ll just be a quick trip for me, but then you can come once a week, get the update, and stay the night so that your dad thinks we’re meeting more often.” Ashton started to shake his head, but I slapped my hand on the table. “I can’t come here once a week, Ashton! If Illiana gets suspicious of me, whether she knows your family is involved or not, she’ll take me out. I’m in for this little plan of yours, but I won’t make it a month if I drive out here every week.”
“Okay,” Ashton said. “You’re right. Let’s do that, but youhaveto be detailed and specific. My dad isn’t as smart as your mom, but he’ll be able to tell if I’m just blowing smoke.”
I took a sip of my coffee and rolled my eyes. “Fine.” Ashton finished up his breakfast and then walked over to the couch in the living room. I raised an eyebrow at him. “What are you doing?”
“I was gonna hang out,” he replied.
“Why?” I asked.
He sat in silence for a long time and then stood up. He didn’t say anything else, just collected his stuff, put on his jacket, and left. I wasn’t dumb. Ashton’s feelings weren’t a secret to me, but it didn’t make sense to get involved with him when it was just going to end badly. A few minutes passed of me just sitting at the dining room table, lamenting how down the drain every meaningful relationship I had was. Then I stood up, showered, got dressed in the clothes that I’d been wearing for two days, and left. Fortunately, I had a room with stuff in it at Illiana’s house. Once I got there, I’d be able to change into clean clothes and, hopefully, incinerate my current outfit.
The only car I owned was still in Philly. As much as I dreaded the thought, I’d have to ask Illiana for some help with getting it to Chicago, but until then, I was relying on rideshares. I had a car pick me up a few blocks away from the safe house and take me to Illiana’s manor on the edge of Chicago. We couldn’t get past the security gate as an unrecognized car and unexpected visit, so I sent the driver on his way and stood outside the hulking, imposing gate alone. A small security booth was positioned outside, with the big, White House-esque mansion looming in the background.
