Denise pulled the phone away from her face as she started to cry even harder. She set it back to her phone. “I know. I’ll come home soon, okay? I promise.”
“Okay. Please take care of yourself,” Renee said. “I’m thinking about heading back to California where my family is now that everyone is gone.”
Denise nodded, even though Renee couldn’t see her. “Okay.”
“I love you, sweet girl.”
“I love you too,” Denise replied. “Bye.”
“Bye.”
Denise hung up her phone, and I could see her gnawing the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. We were driving down the highway, but that mattered less to me than helping Denise. I pulled the car over to the right shoulder and into the embankment a little. I got out of the car, walked over to the passenger’s side, and opened up the door. Denise didn’t move, but when I reached in and grabbed her arm, she relented to me and allowed me to pull her out of the car and into a hug. Her head dropped to my shoulder, and she started to sob. I didn’t say anything, just held her.
I didn’t count the minutes, but it felt like hours before she pulled away from me. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her cheeks were drenched. “Thank you. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” I rubbed some of the tears out of her eyes. “The way you feel is valid, and at least you know that your mom still loves you.”
She nodded. “She probably wouldn’t if she knew the truth.”
“She doesn’t have to know,” I said.
“Everything in my life is based on a lie. I have to just keep lying forever and ever until someone puts me in a hole.” She forced a teary laugh. “Maybe I should have just let your dad kill me.”
“Hey.” I snatched her back into a hug. “I’m not based on a lie. I know who you are, who you really are.” More important words wanted to come out, but I had no business muddying Denise’s emotions any more than they already were. I could wait for her to be ready, and if she never was, I’d be the friend she needed to get her through the days. “We have to deal with these problems first, and then we can figure out that one, okay?”
Denise nodded against my shoulder. “Okay.”
Chapter Five:Denise
It was just a little after five o’clock in the morning when I woke up. My head was pounding, my eyes felt heavy, and my stomach was already wrapping into knots. There were so many things fluttering around my brain that I couldn’t focus on just one thing in particular. I didn’t know how to deal with the weird place I’d found myself with Renee, especially considering that she was still committed to being the mom I didn’t have—the one I didn’t deserve. What a great life that would be, running off to California with my mom. I looked over to where Ashton was sprawled out on the floor, snoring away.
He could come.
We could all run off to California and have that day by the beach that he dreamed about. We wouldn’t be rich, but I could use my degree to get a job in a psych office or something. Ashton had a record, but he’d earned his position in his family by being smart and logical. There had to be some job he could do or some business he could start that would bring in money. We could have a little mother-in-law suite for my mom. She could tend to her garden, and we could get her a little lapdog to keep her company while we were away at work.
A laugh started small in my throat and then got progressively larger and louder, more manic.
“Yeah, right,” I said out loud.
People like me didn’t get lives like that. I couldn’t find an amazing guy and marry him and be happy. I wouldn’t get to live with the woman who raised me nearby, with her somehow having forgiven me for the role I played in her losing her lastactualchild. A cute dog? A house by the beach? A normal job?
Who did I think I was, a Varasso?
Looking over to the bedside table, I saw my phone charging on the wireless charging port, and I failed to resist the urge to grab it. I lifted it and navigated to the few pictures that I’d kept of my time with the Varassos, specifically, the selfie of myself and Marco.
“Denise?” Marco questioned. “What are you doing?”
I shifted on his bed, beckoning him forward. “It’s okay. No one has to know.”
“I’m married. My wife is going to give birth any day now.”
“I know,” I responded. “It’s got to be hard having her there while you’re here. Let me ease some of that stress.”
“It is hard,” Marco replied, “but I love her more than myself. You don’t even compare. Get out, and do not let me catch you in here again.”
I was stupid for fooling myself into thinking that I could be one of them. Watching Stacy, Molly, even Willow, I realized that they were so happy with the men in their lives. They loved them and regarded them as the most important people around them. For half a second, I tricked myself. I thought,This could work, and I tried to be the missing piece.
Little did I know that there weren’t any pieces missing.
