“Sriracha.” I didn’t expect a response, and I didn’t get one, and I scratched my scruff absently. “This is gonna be an adventure.”
Which was exactly what I wanted, because I was alone again. Oran went back to Seattle, and I was just here, by myself, being consumed by my thoughts. I was drowning, and there were no hands to help pull me to the surface. Bitterness stained my tongue, and I turned on the car to slowly pull off the curb.
“I don’t even know what to do now.” Mumbling to myself, a depreciating laugh bubbled up in my chest, and I clenched and released my jaw hard. No, this wasn’t a mistake, but I sure as shit didn’t know what thefuck to do now. I didn’t even have anywhere to take these dogs! “Shit.”
Following my GPS back the way I’d come, I tapped the steering wheel absently while I watched Sriracha out of the corner of my eye. Ketchup sprawled on the back seat, wiggling and worming and whining when I glanced in the rearview mirror. They were so different in color and personality— the only thing they shared seemed to be their hazel eyes. Sriracha’s were lighter, startling given his pitch-black coat, but Ketchup’s were pretty, almost.
If I just focused on them, this pain in my chest would go away eventually.
“Hey, have you two ever seen the woods? We’re gonna do that.” Sriracha ignored me, but Ketchup jumped off the seat to wiggle up under my feet and between my legs. Scooping him up to sit him in my lap, he wagged his tail stump as he gazed out over the wheel, and I nodded firmly. “Let’s do that.”
I arched my back, the light throbbing easing briefly, and I made my way to the nearest route that’d bring me to California.Maybe, Oran was right, and I should’ve got a bus and renovated it or whatever.Rental cars were expensive, and I scrunched up my face in distaste as I reached to unlock my phone.
“Hey, Google, take me to the closest car shop inside California.” My phone spewed back my demand, and I gnawed on my inner cheek thoughtfully. “This distraction thing is workin’ already.”
Lucy would forget about me, and I would try my damnedest to forget about her. If I was lucky, we’d never cross paths again, and I’d just wither away, tormented. She’d get married, be happy, and everything I did in that concrete room would’ve been worth it.
Tightening my grip on the wheel, I set my jaw under furrowed brows as my stomach churned dangerously. Ketchup settled in my lap, and I gulped down the bile that rose in my throat at the thoughts that beat against my forehead.
12
Lucy
My phone rang insistently, and I pulled the device out of my back pocket only to scowl. My mom’s name flashed in bold, and Mikayla and I shared a sour look as I sat down on a bench and dropped my bags. Readying myself for a screaming match, I held my forehead in my palm and swiped the green button while my friend started rifling through my stuff.
“What is it, Mom?”
“What do you mean? Where are you? We brought you a cake and everyone’s here!” Hissing into the phone, my mom’s anger warmed my ear, but I was so beyond caring at this point. First, it was ‘we thought you could use some time’ which was just covering up the fact that no one wanted to leave the restaurant they were planning on eating at for me. Then, it was ‘we want to geteveryonetogether, so it can’t be just any day’, and that was a week ago.
“Mom, we agreed that everyone was going to come over at eleven a.m. It’s almost five p.m. I’m not going to stop what I’m doing because you’re all late as hell.” My mom gasped, as if she had any right to be offended at her own tardiness, and I closed my eyes as frustration began to simmer in my veins. “We planned it for eleven a.m., and no one showed up, so I went on with my life. You obviously don’t care about making me waste six hours, though. What were you doing, huh? What was so important that you couldn’t come to see me at the timeyouwanted?”
“I beg your pardon! Lucillia! If you weren’t planning on being here and just inconveniencing everyone, what was the point of any of this?” My brows nearly flew off my face as a condescending laugh burst from my throat, and Mikayla glanced over at me warily.
“Did you not hear what I said, Mom? It’s five o’clock in the evening, you know, at night, and you guys were supposed to come by at eleven in themorning— six hours ago. You think I’m going to sit around for six hours? No, I have things I need to catch up on.” I wanted to just explode, and my hand shook as I clenched it into a tight fist. I wanted to scream at my mom that I’d been kidnapped and tortured, and why didn’t she care? I wanted to cry and throw a tantrum because no one had stopped by to check on me when, considering the lies, they weren’t obligated to.
What kind of family only did things when they were ‘obligated’ to, anyway?
“I was there. I stayed home, waiting, until one-thirty in the afternoon, and then I said to myself, I know, you’re not coming. You forgot? Did you forget me, Mom? Did you think I’d just be okay with you strolling in whenever you felt like it with no regard for what was happening with me? For what plans I hadafterward?” My mom fell quiet at my tangent, and I ran my hand through my hair roughly as a scoff built in my throat. “God, Mom, you know what, just don’t bother with me anymore if I cause so much trouble. I’m not going to stress out becauseyouthink I’m not important enough to be on time! Goodbye!”
Hanging up on my mom, I glared at my phone, and Mikayla sat back on the bench to sigh heavily. The silence was bittersweet, and I glanced over at my best friend as she watched me with heavy questions swirling in her eyes. She was good to me, not asking, and my throat tightened with the desire to just blurt everything out.
“When did my mom get so . . . so insufferable? Or was she always this way, and I just ignored it rather than deal with it?” Before Mikayla could open her mouth, my phone started to ring again, and I groaned in foreboding. This time, Seth was calling, and I licked my lips heavily as I answered. “Hello?”
“Lucy, hey. What are you up to right now?” I could hear my mom complaining in the background, but I ignored it as I sat up straight to stretch my legs out.
“I’m spending my jackpot money before my mom can try to weasel it out of me. Why?” Seth was a good guy, despite his stingy ways, and I flopped my head back to stare at the high ceiling of the mall. “Did she tell you to call me and get me to come back?”
“Yeah, but I’m not going to. I texted you earlier, but you didn’t respond, so I wasn’t sure if I should come by at eleven, like you said. I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner, a date.” I almost gagged in disgust, and I shook my head even though Seth couldn’t see me. “I feel like we should reconnect.”
“Seth, no offense, but I really don’t want to go on a date with you. Today sucked, and I just . . . I need to be by myself right now.” Mikayla nudged me with her elbow, and I scrunched up my face in discomfort as she gestured me on silently. “Listen, I think we should break up, Seth.”
There. I said it.The words left my lips dry, and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth as silence rippled over the line. Seth’s surprise prickled the fine hairs on my cheek, and I tightened my grip on my phone as I cleared my throat.
“I’ll give you back the ring, but I’m not going to marry you, and I think it’s best if we just went our separate ways quietly. You’re a great guy, Seth, but I’m not in love with you anymore, and I haven’t been for a while. I only said ‘yes’ when you proposed because everyone was staring at me, but even at the time, I thought it was a mistake.” The ancient, old-as-dirt lady that’d been walking by stopped as I slowly, clearly explained myself, and I didn’t wait for an answer before hanging up. Relief slumped my shoulders, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling as I sunk deep into the hard bench. “I feel so much better. Wow.”
“You did a good job. I know how much effort that took, Lucy.” My smile widened at Mikayla’s assurance, and I grabbed her hand to squeeze tightly. Her smirk turned slick, and her eyes brightened as I breathed easy . . . or easier. “Now, I can talk all the shit I want about him and not have to worry, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” That crazy old lady tapped my shoulder, her white curls reflecting the lights streaming down from above, and I glanced up as her smile folded into her wrinkles.
