Illya
Adjusting my curled hair over my shoulders, I nodded at my reflection, and dull, brown eyes gazed back at me. Feminine pride bubbled up in my chest at howdifferentI’d managed to make myself look now that I had proper products. Lightening my hair had been easy, and I flexed my toes against the carpet as I stood up with a happy huff.
“Do you want help with your bandages?” Pursing my lips thinly at the offer, I pulled open a drawer that contained nothing but rows and rows of medical-grade bandages.
“Uh . . . I’m not sure what I’m gonna do, yet, so . . . ” Arching a brow quizzically, Theo leaned back on the lounge leisurely. He didn’t seem offended, and I kicked the dresser drawer shut as I scratched my head thoughtfully. “I guess it doesn’t really matter.”
“Okay?” I didn’t bother elaborating as I held the end of the roll to my hip, and my brows furrowed in concentration. “I hate watching this.”
My heart throbbing at his grumble, and I turned to Theo as the most unhappy grimace stained his expression. The scar ripping down the side of his face flushed an angry red, and his lips thinned when I sat the bindings down next to him. Bracing my foot low against his chest, goosebumps swept up my leg at his hard, steady heat beat pulsing through me. Blood drummed in my ears as he caressed up my calf, his left hand creeping unabashed over my inner thigh.
Dark eyes met mine, and my mouth dried with the undeniable urge to smash my lips on his. I didn’t fight it . . . couldn’t fight it. Straddling his waist, my mind went blank as Theo stuck his hand between us, and I grabbed his face to kiss him hungrily. Now that I had him, I couldn’t stop, and his groan clogged my throat when he forced his tongue between my teeth. Tangling his tongue with mine sweetly, his taste tingled along my buds, and I smiled into the kiss as he worked a finger against my clit leisurely.
“When we get back, I’m gonna fuck you again.” The murmur sent delicious shivers down my spine, and I pulled back to gnaw on my bottom lip. I wanted to suck Theo’s cock. The urge curdled in my gut almost to the point of pain. I wanted to sit on his face and feel his beard burning my thighs. I wanted to make up for the past two months in just one night.
“We’ll be okay, Theo.” Smooth, scarred skin brushed my cheek at my mumble, and Theo didn’t protest when I stood on my feet. Clenching and releasing my fists by my sides as need sloshed in my chest, my knees wobbled dangerously, and hot, short breaths ravaged my lungs. “The wait makes it better.”
“I’m not so sure it can get better.” I definitelywasn’texpecting him to say that, and my brows rose as he flopped his head back to let out a tight huff. “Hurry up and get dressed.”
“Do you remember in California . . . ” Grabbing the bandages, my heart refused to calm down, and I licked my dry lips heavily as they tingled with need. “You told me once that you wished your fingers weren’t gone so you could appreciate my ass fully.”
Theo barked a laugh and nodded as I started my bandages at my hip again, and a fond smile stretched my lips. Things seemed so simple back then. He was kinda creepy and awkward, and I wrestled so much with it. Deep down, maybe, I acknowledged that that comment was what made me even more confused.
Because he wasn’t just a creep foisted on me by Sylvie’s bad decisions. That was when I realized, man, I was in trouble.
“I remember. Honestly, Illya, it’s hard to remember shit before I met you. It just seems like there was nothing there. Being with Mateo was basically a dull, endless routine of strip clubs and trips that were all a blur, and before that . . . obviously, I mean, I got blown up by a tire.”Oh, my God.I couldn’t friggen handle it anymore, and my hands trembled as Theo continued to rant, stuck in his own head. Wrapping as fast as I could without risking having to redo it, I blinked hard as saliva pooled in my mouth. “I know I said this before, but all I wanted to do was fuck your brains out since the first time I saw you at the club. After a while, I realized, you know, your chest and that shit, screwing you with the bandages on was a disservice. I didn’t want to be another name on a list of bad experiences. If I was gonna fuck you, I had to do it properly. It really . . . I guess I got more interested in that than trying to make you happy or feel accepted.”
“That’s the thing that sucked the most these past two months, isn’t it, Illya? I mean, you’re a pain in the ass, but I only made it worse by demanding something you didn’t want to give me. That’s fucked up. After you nearly killed me on the ride home, I realized what the fuck’s the point of trying to set up everything the way I think it should be? It’s not like I’m fucking myself, you know? Things aren’t supposed to work like that.” I’d reached just under what little of my breasts were left when Theo sighed heavily, pausing to rub his face roughly. My job was shoddy, but I didn’t much care because a dress would be going over it, anyway. “I wish we both figured that shit out weeks ago. The interruptions are gonna fucking kill me.”
“To be honest . . . ” Arching slightly as pristine, white sheets rumpled my skin together, I cleared my throat of its hoarseness as a cold sweat broke out on my back. “I have too much shit for it all to be on you, Theo.”
“I know. I’m just sayin’ that if I was gonna cum in your mouth, what’s the point of forcing you to take your bandages off? That’s all.” My gaze snapped up at that, and Theo propped his elbows on his knees to glare at the ground without noticing how hot and bothered I was. Or, maybe, he did notice, but he just chose to ignore it in favor of having such a grave conversation. “I thought it wasn’t as big a deal as it was. I have scars, too, right, so, obviously, if I can handle it, so can you. That’s wrong. I’m sorry, Illya.”
“God!” Blinking viciously against the fierce sting in my eyes, my squawk rasped my throat, and I whipped around before Theo saw me ruining my makeup. Forcing a breath through my nose and past the dense lump in my throat, I craned my neck and shivered violently. The strain of his words settled heavily on my shoulders, and I ground my teeth as my face grew hot.
Theo’s rustling jeans sounded overly loud in my ears, and I tensed when he wrapped his arms around me to hold my hands. Taking the bandages in his right hand, he pressed his cheek against my crown, and shivers strafed my spine.
“Shit . . . shit . . . Theo . . . ” I was going to destroy what I’d spent the past half hour perfecting, and he grumbled deeply against my back. The quake eased some of the tension clinging to my ribs, and I sucked in a shaky breath before Theo tugged my bandage taut. He basically confessed his love for me— his regret, at the very least— and I knew that it very well may be the closest he ever got to actually saying the words.
What the fuck? What the fuck?
Sniffling hard as Theo worked on my bandages, I tilted my head back in a futile attempt to breathe. He kept his mouth shut, his hands steady, his lips thin against my crown, and I prayed that my makeup wasn’t smudged.Because then I’d have to start over, and if I had to start over, I was gonna . . .
“Oof.” The awkwardness in the room went from one to a hundred so fast it choked me, and I tensed as my head snapped to the door. Carlyle clearly knew what he’d interrupted even as he held up his hands in mock surrender, fake, plastic guilt stretching his smirk. “I’ll wait in the living room, I guess.”
My scars weren’t totally covered, yet, and I frowned when Carlyle turned out of the doorway to clamp his hand over his mouth tightly. Before he’d even disappeared beyond the frame, his entire face twisted with disgust, and all my warm, tingly feelings drained away.
“At least I don’t makeyousick with disgust.” Rolling the bundle up my back and over my shoulder, Theo grunted lowly as I managed a trembling sigh. “I guess it really doesn’t matter for other people.”
