Illya
“This is so comfy.” The short, silk robe was so soft and smooth that it didn’t agitate my scars, and I smoothed the sides down my thighs gingerly. The front closed just enough to cover my breasts, but not enough to hide the scars climbing up over my shoulder. Glancing around the room— or should I say ‘suite’— I licked my lips as my gaze trained on the door leading to the living area.
After exploring this suite bigger than three of my apartments, I just wanted to jump into the massive, jet-spraying bathtub and never get out. Even the separate shower had jets. Flexing my toes against the plush, soft carpet, I wandered over to the closed bedroom door and gripped the handle.
Anxiety curdled my blood, and I took a deep, stabilizing breath before turning the handle and cracking open the door. Theo sat on the semi-circular sofa, but his head whipped up at the change of air— because the barrier surely didn’t squeak in the slightest.
“I thought you wanted to waste away in the bath.” Flames licked my cheeks as I shook my head, the only part of me he could see, and Theo sat back on the sofa to stretch his long legs. “You just like to say shit, don’t you, Illya? You never follow through, do you?”
“Yeah, I guess I don’t.” He had a point— every word that came out of my mouth, I ended up not adhering to. I told him I didn’t want to be around him, but here I was— in this place, alone, with him. I told himthiswasn’t happening, but it’d been a few hours, and I was already going back on my word.
Stepping out from the door, I rolled my lips between my teeth as Theo stiffened, his eyes narrowing into slits as he scanned my bare legs. A bulge formed in his jeans, and my heart hammered against my ribs as I walked over to sit next to him. His heat seared my arm where the half-length sleeve didn’t cover.
I was stupid. There was nothing anyone could do to dissuade me from the fact that I was just outright dumb at this point. I kept making the same mistake over and over again, telling myself that afterward— afterward—afterward, it’d stop.
But it wasn’t going to stop. From the second Theo opened that door in the club, the ball started rolling down a hill, and all my attempts to throw something in front of that ball only made it bounce.
“It’s horrible, isn’t it?” Speaking up softly, an ugly, self-deprecating smirk twisted my lips, and I fiddled my fingers in my lap. “You think you’re all that, and then someone shows up, and you realize that you’re not. You’re big and bad until someone bigger and badder comes along. Then, you realize that you’re just really . . . tired.”
“You don’t have to be the only one that cares about you, Illya.” My gross smirk turned sad, and I sighed shallowly as I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. Theo’s eyes narrowed tighter at the action, and my scalp tingled under my high, loose bun from the intensity of his gaze. “It’s okay to rely on someone. That doesn’t mean being dependant on them.”
“What has that ever gotten either of us? Sylvie turned her back on me. My family decided I was too fucked up to be bothered, so they shoved me into foster care. And before you say it, you know just as well as I do that you’d eventually screw me over, too. Whether or not you want to admit it, you’re only as close to someone as their usefulness or convenience allows.” Surrounded by all this pomp and gaudy beauty, I felt small and insignificant, and Theo grunted lowly in acknowledgment. “I wish you hadn’t brought me here.”
Theo grabbed me, causing me so much pain, bruising my already destroyed body, it seemed like so long ago even though it was just last night. I said things and acted the exact opposite, but did I really know what I wanted anymore? I didn’t want to struggle financially. I wanted a place to live that wasn’t infested with cockroaches and ants. I wanted a regular job that required me to make strangers think I gave a shit about them.
Laying down on the sofa, I rested my cheek on Theo’s thigh, but he didn’t tense or grab my bun or anything. Closing my eyes, I savored the tentativeness of his hand as he pulled down my robe and rested his palm on my hip. Warmth radiated from his touch, and I reached for his right hand to plop it on my head.
And, ever so nicely, Theo started playing with my hair. His palm left my hip as he leaned forward to snatch the remote off the coffee table, and he propped back to recline the seat. Behind my shuttered lids, the television flickered on, the sounds floating garbled in my ears, but he turned the volume down and didn’t stop threading my hair through his thumb and forefinger.
He had such incredible resolve, and what did I have? Some flimsy, bullshit declaration that I couldn’t keep. Theo had every right to have that first impression of me. I mean, what if my whole conviction was a lie? What if I had everything backward, and I was just pretending to be strong?
Was there harm in just giving up, or was I just screwing myself over by fighting?
“Hey, Theo?” A gruff hum met my mumble, and Theo worked his three fingers under my bun to scratch my scalp. “What did you think when you first saw me? Before everything— even going into the VIP room— what was the first thing that came to mind when you opened the door?”
He inhaled deeply, sinking a little lower into the sofa, and I curled my toes in anticipation of his answer.
“I was kinda pissed you were wearing contacts and hair dye. I had a feeling you were a lot more beautiful without them, and I was right.” Stiff fingers curled slightly in my bun, and Theo exhaled heavily as the light of the television combatted the memories. “I get why you do it, though. I wondered what color your eyes were and whether or not your ass was as tight as it looked in your leotard.”
Sitting up, I shuffled wordlessly to straddle Theo’s lap, and he stiffened with a sharp whistle of an inhale. Facing the television, thoughts were strangely absent from my mind, and I leaned back as heat seeped into my veins. He stared straight ahead, but his chin jerked when I tilted my head to brush my lips along his jaw.
“Is it?” Reclined in the seat, Theo’s abdominal muscles rippled against my ass as I ground against him, and a powerful rattle jolted up my spine. “We both know whatever comes out of my mouth is a lie. Maybe that’s why it’s so frustrating— lies are so hard to keep up with.”
Incredible, defined muscles played along the length of my back, and Theo ground his teeth audible in my ear. Rolling my hips against his bulge, I gripped his forearms just as he braced his fists around my calves, and his thick arm hair tickled between my fingers. My tongue snuck out to scrape against his stubble, and I shivered at the heady taste of him.
“Will fucking me give you the answer you’re looking for, Illya?” I paused at the probe, and Theo growled in displeasure as he thrust to keep the friction going. “I’m not gonna say ‘no,’ but it’s not gonna be my fault if it doesn’t do what you think it will.”
“I don’t even know what the question is, Theo.” His cheek twitched against my forehead as my breath rolled down his neck, and I groaned softly. Unhooking his left hand from around my leg, he reached up, and my heart jumped into my throat as my nails dug into his arm. “Don’t touch me there.”
The atmosphere became tense at my snap, and the sensation seeped through my melted skin to send tingles shooting down my sternum. Slowly, Theo lowered his hand to open my robe, and I released his forearm to hold the top closed. His jaw clenched against the bridge of my nose as I clutched the plain, white silk, but if he wondered, he didn’t do the stupid thing and open his mouth.
“Oh . . . ” Calloused fingertips circled my clit through my panties, and I gasped as shocks skittered through my abdomen. Pleasure flared to wrap my heart in a vice, and I thrust my hips against Theo’s palm in hot eagerness. “More . . . ”
“Yeah?” Nodding hastily at his low growl, goosebumps blanketed my body, and I licked my lips heavily. Theo pulled my underwear to the side, and I clenched in expectation and this growing desire to just feellight.Rough fingertips circled my bead, and pleasures tightened my abdomen as I rested my head on his shoulder. Knowing fingers spread my folds, and a gasp burst from my throat when he ground the butt of his palm against me.
“Theo . . . Theo . . . Theo . . . oh-h-h . . . ”His body jolted at my back, muscles taut, skin burning mine, as he thrust two fingers into my channel, and I moaned his name. Arching to roll my hips, my chest throbbed fiercely, but I ignored it for the moment to savor the sensation. Harsh pants sounded above the blood pounding in my ears, and Theo curled his fingers to draw me closer and closer.
Flopping forward, I braced my palms on his knees to roll and buck in white-hot need, and Theo let go of my leg to grab my ass with his right hand. His fingers inside me wiggled and curled, but he was quick to exit my channel to slip his palm under my ass.
“Oh . . .God, yes!” My high-pitched keen when he shoved his fingers past my entrance with a grunt rang in the room, and my knees lifted off the sofa. “Yes . . . yes . . . yes!”
Pushing my ass up, I spread my thighs a little wider, and Theo ducked his head to kiss and graze his teeth over my ass cheek. His knuckles bashed my pelvis with each powerful jab of his hand, and two fingers quickly turned into three. Clamping down on his thick digits, I scrunched up my face as my thighs quivered around his forearm.
“Fuck . . . I’m gonna cum . . . make me cum . . . make me . . . I-I’m c-cu— ” Shivers assaulted my spine, and I ducked my head with a cry as my words dried up on my tongue. Theo twisted and curled his fingers deep inside me, and my channel undulated wildly as he coaxed me to jump off the edge. Waves of icy euphoria rippled up my chest, set cold fire to my ruined skin, prickled up my collar bones, and I clenched my jaw as I sat back on his hand.
Sputtering a gasp, I spasmed weakly when Theo pulled out of me, and he sighed to send frigidly cold air rolling up my back. Pushing me off him, he grabbed my bun with his right hand, but he didn’t unfasten his jeans like my addled mind expected. Instead, he just set my face on his thigh again, his soft, scarred palm rubbing my face so gently.
Now, though, I had a question. One that I thought Theo had the answer to.
What if trusting him doesn’t turn out to be a mistake like all the others?
