Illya
“We’re going the wrong way.” Theo cast me a dismissive sidelong glance, and I frowned deeply as apprehension bubbled up in my chest like hot tar. “You’re not really taking me to Mateo, are you?”
“Of course not. This has nothing to do with Mateo and his stupid, childish tantrum.” Grumbling harshly, Theo pulled to a stop at a light behind two other cars, and he tore his eyes from the road to meet mine. “You were right, Illya. You try really hard to stay out of it. I was wrong.”
My brows rose high in surprise, and a bark of incredulous laughter burst from my throat devoid of humor. Theo’s lips thinned, his jaw ticking, and I could’ve sworn on my life that I saw his ears tinge pink at the lobes before he turned to glare at the wheel. The echo of my shocked noise bounced off the windows to ripple across my face, and I reached to put my hand on his broad, muscular shoulder. He tensed as his heat-blasted away my discomfort from his declaration, and he caught my gaze behind guarded lenses.
“I appreciate that, Theo.” These tiny, tiny— almost unnoticeably tiny— moments were becoming more frequent, and I couldn’t help but smile when Theo jerked his head in a stiff nod. “So, where are we going?”
“You’ll see when we get there. It’s a bit of a ride, so get comfortable.” He grabbed my hand and held palm to his chest, and the clumpy scar tissue rose the hairs on my arm. “I bet you would’ve done well in the military. I knew guys that didn’t have balls as big as yours.”
The awkward compliment sent fire to engulf my face, and my smile widened as Theo rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. His palm was hard, and I didn’t pull back even as he propped his knee under the wheel to flick on his blinker as we neared a highway on-ramp. A warm fuzziness wrapped around my heart, and I huffed hot air as it was replaced with a strange happiness.
I got the sense that Theo didn’t compliment someone just because. He honestly wasn’t that bad when he didn’t overthink things, but I was sure that’s why he brought me out in the first place.If it works, it works.
“Don’t worry about Mateo. It’s really his brother you want to stay away from. I met him once, and I’d rather not ever be in the same room as him. I know killers when I see them.” There wasn’t much I could do but nod, and Theo flicked off his blinker as he merged onto the ramp smoothly. “When I started working for Mateo, he got a visit from Carlyle. They were having a conversation I wasn’t listening to in some restaurant in Portugal, and that motherfucker just pulled out a gun and shot me. I still have the bullet in my shoulder. He told me he was disappointed I didn’t beat the shit out of him— he could’ve killed Mateo, and I would’ve failed my ‘mission.’”
Theo almost seemed impressed by his own story, and my brows rose in interest even as he went quiet to focus on merging onto the highway. Glancing around, he twisted briefly, and I held the handle on the door when he swerved sharply into the middle lane. He didn’t let go of my hand, and my fingers tingled as his muscles flexed under his shirt. Positively, Theo had experience driving with one hand, but it was still kinda terrifying in a muted, knee-jerk kind of way.
“Uh . . . so, I said that I didn’t care if he killed Mateo, as long as no one else did. Carlyle laughed at that. It was the coldest, creepiest shit ever, like serial killer creepy, not . . . ” Trailing off as a huge oil tanker breezed past us, Theo clenched and released his jaw while his nerves rattled up my arm. “I hate highways so much.”
“I knew this girl in alternative school . . . ” Inhaling deeply as the tanker sped by completely, passing the nose of Theo’s car, I clicked my teeth absently. Memories of those three months raced through my mind’s eye, and a frown dragged down the corners of my mouth. “She was nuts. I was only there for three months for my GED, but in that time, she tried to stab the teachertwice. She got busted for smoking meth in the bathroom. She picked a fight with this other girl from a gang, and she got her place broken into and was raped by those guys. When she came back, she bragged about being in a relationship with one of them and got his name tattooed on her neck a week later.”
“She did all that and was never arrested?” Shaking my head, I shrugged at the questioning glance Theo shot me. I mean, the answer was obvious. I lived in LA at the time, and that kind of thing in that type of neighborhood was almost typical. There were worse people out there, and as long as she only hurt herself, people were content to leave her alone.
Plus, she had no teeth, so whenever she talked to someone, she spat in their face. Nobody wanted to get too close.
“So, did you ever think of going to college?”
“And get saddled with debt? No, thanks. I’ll manage on my own.” My comeback earned me a snort of agreement, and I frowned as I thought far, far back. “I don’t think there was a single time in my life— even before it went to shit— when I thought college was a good idea. I wouldn’t know what to go for, and I just know that going would kill whatever I went for if I had a passion for it.”
“You like to dance ballet, though.” Humming softly, I shook my head, and Theo cast me a confused furrow of his brow. “You looked really excited when Mateo asked you.”
“Theo.” A small, warm smile stretched my lips, and I reached to scratch his stubble— stubble that he hadn’t had last night at the club. He tensed, gripped the wheel hard as he sucked in a sharp breath, and a soft sigh escaped me. “It was a lie, so he’d pay me more. And it worked. I can’t do ballet anymore, even though I did like it before.”
“What doyoulike, then? Not your stripper alter ego, divesting the rich to give to your poor once the sun goes down?” Giggling a little at that, I withdrew my hand only for him to grab my wrist and keep my fingers on his skin. He cast me an almost fatuous look, like a toddler that didn’t want to let go of his mom’s neck.Every time he does this kind of thing, like with the shirt, it makes it a little harder to dislike him.
“What do I like? I don’t even know anymore. It’s been a long time since I did anything just because I liked it. What do you like to do in your spare time, Theo?” Curiosity infected my tone, and he sat back in the seat to tilt his face against my fingers. His jaw ticked under the butt of my palm, and I held my breath in anticipation.
“Sometimes, I go to the casino in San Diego. I don’t gamble much, though. I won a plot of land in a small craps tournament the last time I was out that way. It’s in NoCal somewhere. I’m pretty sure they included it in the tournament because some guy wanted chips but had no money, so he gave them the deed.” My brows rose, and Theo smirked slippery as mischief twinkled in his eye. “Didn’t win that at the good casino, though.”
“I was gonna say . . . I don’t think that’s legal.” He seemed to be coming out of his shell a little, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. The car fell into silence as we zipped out of town, and I gnawed on my cheek as I turned my gaze out the window.
This isn’t happening.What a joke. I should’ve packed my shit and run away again as soon as Sylvie got dragged into this car. I’d be halfway to Canada by now if I was smart. My tongue soured as I licked the backs of my teeth, and I frowned under the slight crease between my brows. Either Theo was a creep, and I wanted to not be around him, or . . .
We had moments . . . really nice moments, like the one I was currently immersed in. Those few seconds— that intense, brief connection— made me want to go deeper under the surface. I knew better, but that didn’t matter. I didn’t want to end up dead, but what was my life right now?
The truth was that I was worse than dead, and if Theo made it a little better for a little while,why shouldn’t I enjoy that? Grinding my teeth to hold back a groan of frustration, my blood simmered in my veins as my mind went around and around in circles.
