Shedidcare. It was there in her touch, for she wasn’t pulling away. She was leaning against him as if she remembered every day they’d spent together when they were young. He relaxed his hands, giving her every opportunity to move away. The fact that she remained in place offered a grain of hope. It was only her words that contradicted her actions.
“There are dozens of women back there who would fall down at your feet, if you would but look at them.” Her voice was heavy, and she lowered her gaze.
“It wouldna make a difference,” he said quietly. “There is only one woman I want.”
“Not me.” She took a breath and stepped back from him. In that moment, he saw such a wounded spirit, he wondered what had happened during the last two years. She was behaving older than her nineteen years.
“What changed, Juliette?” He wanted to hear the reasons from her own lips, to understand why she’d been avoiding him.
He thought back to the fires that happened a few months ago during the evictions. Had she somehow been threatened during the violence? He’d believed she was safe in London at the time, but perhaps not. His time had been spent tending the wounded, and he’d lost track of everything except the fight against death.
“We’re not children anymore, Dr. Fraser,” she reminded him. “Both of us have changed.”
“Look in my eyes and tell me you want naught to do with me. Tell me your feelings changed, and I’ll walk away this moment. You willna see me again.”
When he met her gaze, she only flushed. “It’s been a long time.” It wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. Something was troubling her, but she would not say what it was.
Paul put his hands on her shoulders, his thumbs caressing her through the wool of her gown. “Aye, it has.” With a heavy sigh, he admitted, “I suppose we could start anew, as friends again.” He took a step back, trying to grant her distance.
A vulnerability crossed her face, as if she remembered the lost years between them. But she shook her head with regret. “I don’t know if that’s wise.”
“Because I’m poor?”
“Poverty has nothing to do with it.” She softened her tone. “You’ve done well for yourself, Dr. Fraser. I’m happy for you.” There was a hint of pride on her face, as if she meant what she’d said.
Her sudden shift confused him, for in her tone, he’d caught a glimpse of the girl who had once been his friend. The one who had answered the early letters, encouraging him through the endless hours of study. The girl who had kissed him, on that day he’d left Ballaloch, so many years ago.
“When I returned to Ballaloch, two years ago, I asked you to wed me.” He met her gaze, unflinching. “You said it was too soon, but you didna say no. Then I ne’er heard from you again.” It was the silence that bothered him most, more than the secrets she was holding back. “Do you no’ think I deserve an explanation, Juliette?”
He refused to call her Miss Andrews, despite what was proper. To him, she would always be Juliette.
She went motionless, as if trying to find the right words. At last, she answered, “I know the sort of life you want. And it’s not for me.”
Again, she was trying to push him away. But what did she mean, “the sort of life” he wanted?
“I want the life every man wants. I want a wife and bairns. I want to spend my days making you happy.” He moved behind her, waiting to see if she would flee. Instead, she remained still. He drew his arms around her, pulling her back against him.
“You can’t.” But she leaned her head against him, making no move to escape his embrace. He didn’t know if he was imagining it, but she seemed to welcome his arms around her. It gave him hope that perhaps therewasa chance for them.
“Is it all men? Or just me?” He breathed in the scent of her hair, knowing that there would never be another woman for him. Not like her.
She turned around to face him. “All men. And if it’s a wife and children you want, you should look elsewhere.”
She wasn’t saying no tohim. Only to marriage. He didn’t know what to think of that, or why she no longer wanted to marry anyone. But like a stream that could wear down any mountain, he intended to quietly smooth away her reluctance.
“Why did you run from me, back at the house?” he demanded, resting his mouth against her temple. “Have I done something to make you afraid?”
“No.” She moved her cheek against his, her breath warming his face. But in her voice, he caught the tremor of nerves.
Paul kept her palm in his, stroking the sensitive flesh with his thumb. Then he drew back to see the play of emotions on her face. “Something happened in the last year, didn’t it?”
She paled at his words, and he saw that he’d stumbled upon the truth. “M-my father became a baron and inherited his brother’s estates. And his debts.”
“No. That isna the reason. You’re no’ the sort of woman who cares about a title.”
She flushed and pulled away from him. “He went to fight in the war, leaving us behind. We had to struggle to survive here, and there’s been so much violence between the earl’s men and the crofters.”
He still sensed that she wasn’t giving him the full truth. In her green eyes, he caught a flustered air, as if she didn’t want to reveal more.
