Lily looked around at the sea of faces until at last she spied Matthew at the very back of the crowd. He wore a simple black coat and trousers, and he met her gaze evenly. Then he glanced at her arm, and a look of regret crossed his face.
She ought to be afraid of him after what happened. Logic ruled that she should. And yet, despite everything, she knew he hadn’t been aware of his surroundings or of anything else. That night, he had been caught up in his nightmares, unable to grasp reality.
It reminded her of Iris’s words.The voices catch hold of you and whisper. And it’s hard not to listen when you believe what they say.
She turned back to the wedding and saw Iain Donovan, Lord Ashton, waiting upon her sister. The man was dressed in a frock coat of dark blue with a white waistcoat and a red rose in his lapel. The look on his face held awed wonder when he saw her sister approaching.
Rose wore a long-sleeved white gown with a narrow waistline and a flared skirt that billowed out into a train. Her reddish-brown hair was caught up in an intricate knot, and she wore pearls around her throat. Moira’s lace veil cascaded over Rose’s shoulders, down the back of her gown.
But it was the look of love shared between Rose and Iain that made Lily’s heart ache. The groom looked at his bride as if she were his reason for being alive. And the joy upon her sister’s face held a happiness that went beyond words.
The large crowd gathered as close as they could to the bride and groom, listening as they spoke their vows. From behind her,she sensed a shifting movement of people, and then she became aware of Matthew’s presence. Her brother glanced back at him and gave a nod of acknowledgment, but Lily said nothing. She was too confused by her own emotions.
From behind her, Matthew’s hand bumped against her uninjured arm. Then she heard him whisper, “Forgive me, Lily.”
She stiffened, not wanting to interrupt the ceremony. His hand brushed against hers again, but she pulled it away. She wasn’t ready to face the emotions—not yet. But she would have to confront Matthew today and decide what was to be done.
After the wedding ceremony was over, her sister kissed Iain, and all around them came cheers of happiness. Bag pipers played a merry tune, and Iain lifted her up, turning her in a slow circle. Her sister laughed with happiness, her veil getting tangled up as her new husband embraced her.
It was the perfect distraction, and Lily hurried forward to help her sister. After Iain finished kissing his new wife, she said, “I’ll take your veil for you, Rose.”
Her sister beamed with happiness. “Yes, thank you.”
Rose helped her remove the pins holding it to her hair. Then Lily gathered up the long veil under one arm. The newly married couple walked among the crowd toward the tables set out for feasting while Lily returned to the manor house with the veil folded up as best she could.
Within moments, Matthew was at her side. “May I help you with that?”
“It’s not heavy. I can manage.” She started to walk past him, but he stepped in her path.
“Lily, I’ve traveled hundreds of miles to see you. I came to apologize for what happened.” His tone held utter sincerity, and she paused a moment.
Upon his cheek, the reddened scar had begun to fade. His brown hair was trimmed back, and he had shaved. She detectedthe faint scent of sandalwood, and his eyes held the familiar weariness that plagued him.
She could tell him no, refusing to see him. But what good would that do? Better to face the demons than try to bury them. “Walk with me inside, and we will talk.”
He opened the door for her and allowed her to enter first. The house was bustling, and several maids hurried past them, carrying steaming trays of food. All of the servants were attending the wedding, and Lily smiled at the sight of an elegant three-tiered cake. The cook was careful to balance it, and two servants opened the door for her.
“I’ll put this in my sister’s room,” she started to say, but Matthew took the veil from her and placed it on a side table.
“Just a moment, Lily.” He glanced around the hall which was now deserted. “I wanted to ask if you are all right.”
She lifted her arm to show him. “It’s healing.”
He was quiet for a moment, watching her. “I thought about what you said, that I should stay away from you. Believe me that I never, ever meant to harm you.” He let out a slow breath. “I took a tonic I never should have drunk. Dr. Fraser said that it was opium mixed with gin.” He eyed her and added, “Words won’t change what happened to you. But I did want you to know that I am sorry.”
“I know you are.” For a time, she heard only the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hall. He seemed unsure of what to say now, and finally, she added, “I wish I knew how to help you, Matthew.”
He studied her for a while. “I would like to begin again as friends, Lily. Even if it is never more than that, when I am near you, I don’t feel so distant from the world.”
His brown eyes clouded over with regret and a quiet resolution. “You may never forgive me, and I understand that. But I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
She didn’t know how to answer him. A part of her was angry that he had suffered so much during his time in India, that his normal life had been stolen from him, bringing him so low. It was difficult to trust him now, but she still cared deeply for Matthew.
“I need time,” she said at last. “For two years, I believed I would be your wife. That it would be me standing beside you in church, speaking our vows.” She nodded back toward the wedding guests outside. “I feel as if that part of me is lost now. And I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore.”
She pulled out the chain holding his signet ring and removed it from her throat, returning it to him. “I will be your friend again, Matthew. But I cannot promise you anything more.”
Chapter Nine
