“Oh. It’s you.” She toasted her sister and took another sip of liquid courage. “Cheers.”
“Lily, what are you doing?” Rose leaned upon a cane, taking careful steps until she could sit beside her at the table. “It’s very late.”
So it was. And she found that she hardly cared. “I’m not sleepy at all. You can retire for the night if you wish. I will remain here.”
Rose reached for her hand. “Was it so terrible paying a call upon Lord Arnsbury?”
“He doesn’t want to see me again.” With an unsteady hand, Lily poured herself another glass of brandy. “Do you want to drink with me, Rose?”
“No, thank you.” Her sister’s expression grew pained. “I’m so sorry, Lily.”
“So am I. And now, I intend to get so intoxicated I won’t even remember Matthew’s name.” She lifted her glass in another mock toast and drained it. The velvety brandy slid down her throat in a light burn.
My goodness, that was nice.
But Rose took the glass from her and set it aside. The room swayed, and Lily was surprised to find that the table was moving, too. How fascinating.
“What happened? What did he say?”
“It’s over,” she told her sister. “My marriage that never happened.” She tried to reach for the brandy decanter, but Rose took her hand instead.
“What do you mean? Did Matthew hurt you in any way?”
“Only my heart. It’s empty now, you see?” She blinked at the brandy, noticing that there were three different decanters. This time, she reached for the middle one, and her hand closed over the crystal.
“What are you going to do?” her sister asked. Rose had a way of listening and making her feel as if she would support her, no matter what choices she made. And with her question, she had cut to the heart of the matter.
“WhatcanI do? I suppose I’ll remain on the shelf and never marry anyone.” She reached out for her glass and this time, Rose allowed her to take it. The brandy no longer burned her stomach, but instead filled her with a pleasant buzzing sensation.
“Lily, I’m so very sorry. I wish there was some way I could help.”
As her hand clenched the empty glass, she turned back to her sister. “Then you know how I feel about Matthew. I know he’s hurt. I know they broke his body and his mind, but he wants me to walk away from him. How can I do that?” She traced the edge of her glass. “I can’t leave him behind when he’s suffering so badly. And it hurts so much that he wants me to go.” Tears flowed over now, and she admitted, “I don’t know what to do. He’d rather shut me out and keep me at a distance.”
Rose squeezed her hands. “A wounded man will do or say anything to avoid appearing weak, Lily.”
Her sister’s words sliced through her sadness, and she wondered if those were his reasons. “Perhaps. But I just…wanted to start over. I wanted to be his friend, to show him that I still cared.”
She didn’t even know the sort of woman she was without Matthew. Her life felt as if it had little purpose. And no amount of brandy would show her what she was meant to do with her life.
Moses got up and arched his back, nuzzling against her before he hopped off the table. She stared at the amber glass, feeling broken and lost.
“Do you want me to help you to bed?” her sister asked.
“No. I want to sit here a little longer.”
Rose stood from the table and balanced herself against her cane, embracing her. Lily hugged her back, and a rise of dizziness washed over her. “You are strong enough to overcome this. I have faith in you.”
She only wished she could have that kind of faith in herself.
Chapter Five
Five days later
It was outright war between herself and her grandmother. Lily crossed her arms and regarded Lady Wolcroft. “I am not going, and that is final.”
“You need to let go of that blackguard and find another husband to replace him. Where else would you find one, except at Lady Arnsbury’s ball?”
“I do not wish to marry right now.” It was the very last thing she wanted. “I would rather remain home and contemplate the useless nature of my life.” And perhaps, what she could do to change it.
