With reluctance, Lily went to the door and opened it. Lady Arnsbury and Lady Falsham stood there, but she noticed the absence of Dr. Fraser. Perhaps he’d decided to stay behind in the drawing room.
“Come in.” She braved a smile she didn’t feel at all.
The two women eyed one another before crossing the threshold. Lady Arnsbury studied Lily as if to ensure that she had not been harmed. Matthew’s godmother, Lady Falsham, moved across the room to him, stopping short when she saw the kitten. “Why, Matthew, what’s this?”
“Lady Lily thought I needed a companion.” He picked up the damp kitten in one hand and gave it over to her. “We had to wash him, since he was covered in strawberry tart.”
The viscountess was startled when the kitten climbed up her arm, sinking its claws into her gown. “Well, he is a darling thing, isn’t he? What will you name him?”
“I’ve no idea.” Matthew leaned back against the chair and turned to Lily. “Have you any suggestions?”
She hadn’t given it any thought. Right now, her thoughts were scattered as she tried to determine what to do now. “No.”
His brown eyes locked upon hers. “Perhaps I should call him Beast. For that is precisely what he is.”
Lily tightened her lips, knowing he spoke of himself. She had wanted to try again, to help him recover from his ordeal. But he kept pushing her away. He didn’t want her help, and he didn’t want her. The very thought broke her heart.
She sank into a chair, hardly knowing what to do now. Should she continue to visit with him, if only for the sake of helping him recover from his wounds? Or would it cut too deeply to be near a man who no longer loved her?
Lily barely heard the conversation between Lady Arnsbury and Lady Falsham. The air was suffocating, and she stared back at Matthew, wondering what to do now. But his emotions were shielded like armor.
Lily reached for her basket. “I wish you well with your Beast. Good day.” She needed time to be away right now, so she could bury her face in a pillow and sob her heart out. Never in her life had she imagined he would shut her out, refusing to let her help him.
She started to leave the room but heard his footsteps behind her. She had no desire to speak with him, not when he didn’t want her in his life anymore. She couldn’t bear to look upon his face and remember what was lost between them. But he was well aware of her misery.
“Lady Lily.” Matthew caught her wrist in the hallway and stopped her from leaving. “It’s better this way. Go back to the life you knew before me.”
She turned to face him and this time didn’t bother to hide the tears slipping free from her eyes. “I only wanted to help you, Matthew.”
“You can’t. It’s not your battle to face.”
Her battered emotions were bruised, and she had no words that would change his mind.
Before she left, she removed the chain from her neck that held the gold ring. She slid it free and held it out. “This belongs to you. I should have returned it sooner.”
His sobered and slid it onto the smallest finger of his left hand. “I hope you find happiness, Lady Lily. It was never my intention to hurt you.”
His handsome face was haggard, worn down from all the sleepless nights. She reached up and traced the outline of his face, and in his eyes, she saw regret. Whether it was guilt over ruining her, she didn’t know. But she couldn’t heal a man who didn’t want her help, any more than he would let her love him.
She needed to gather up the fragments of her life and decide what to do now.
And with that, she turned away, leaving behind the shadow of the girl she’d once been.
Lily sat in the empty dining room with a decanter of brandy and a glass. She had never before tasted spirits, but tonight she intended to become well and truly foxed. It was nearly ten o’clock at night, and she’d ordered the servants to leave her alone.
She poured the brandy into the glass and took a small sip. It tasted like liquid fire, burning through her stomach, and she couldn’t stop herself from coughing. But the second sip went down easier.
She toasted an invisible Matthew. “To a marriage that never should have happened,” she whispered. The brandy had a smooth taste that warmed her from the inside.
Moses jumped onto the dining table and nosed her with his head. “Go away, kitty.” But he flopped across the wood, staring at her.
Perhaps it was foolish, but she decided the cat was as good a confessor as any. She rubbed his ears, and he began purring.
“I was a silly, selfish girl,” she informed him. “It was all my fault. I fell in love, and I used the poor man to avoid a marriage I didn’t want.” She poured herself another glass of brandy, and the cat batted at her fingers.
Her mood darkened, and she bit back tears. “I should never have forced him into it. And now, I don’t know what to do. Should I leave him, the way he wants me to? Or should I stay?” The cat rubbed himself up against her hand and she whispered, “He’s been so badly hurt. I don’t want to abandon him…but he doesn’t want me there.”
The door to the dining room opened, and Lily glared at the blurry intruder. “I do not wish to be disturbed.” But then her eyes adjusted and she realized it was Rose.
