“Don’t…” I trail off, my throat closing up on itself over my words. “Don’t go?”
“I…I’ll be at the house.” She pauses, shakes her head, turns away from me. “I need to figure out what to do.”
And she leaves me alone, standing in an empty stall. The smell of hay and the oppressive warmth surround me, and I can only stare at her retreating form as overwhelming fear crashes down on me.
Am I about to lose everything all over again?
MARY
My head is spinning with panic and outrage as I stumble my way back to the house.
What the fuck was Ithinking?
It was stupid enough to sleep with Everett in the first place, but to continue it after his daughter got back is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I can’t believe I let this happen. Did I really think turning a blind eye to the consequences would do any good?
I can barely see straight by the time I make it through the front door. All I want is to collapse in bed and sob, or maybe tuck my tail and escape. God, I’ve never run away from a challenge before, especially not because of emotional turmoil. Is this really going to be what breaks me?
No, it won’t. I know it won’t, because even if I wanted to run, I couldn’t. My car is still in the shop. I’m stuck here, no matter how much I wish I wasn’t. My eyes well with tears as I step past the kitchen, my pulse thudding so loud I can hardly hear my own footsteps. I take a deep breath to steady myself as I head to my room, but it rushes straight back out of me in a pained sound when I round the corner.
Jenny steps out of the bathroom across from my room, and I stop dead in my tracks. My eyes drop to the floor immediately, half in shame and half trying to hide the tears brimming at my lashes. It would be completely inappropriate of me to cry in front of her. I keep my gaze fixed firmly to the floor, intending to keep my head down and hide out in my room until I figure out how the hell to handle this, but she steps in front of me before I make it. The toes of her sneakers slide into my field of vision, and I don’t take another step forward.
“I can’t fucking believe you,” she snarls at me, drilling her finger so hard into my collarbone that it pushes me back a step. “We were never close, but I looked up to you in school. You were the perfect student, the perfect worker. Itrustedyou, Mary.”
I can hear both anger and agony in her voice, and my own chest aches with guilt. There’s nothing I can say to make it better, though. No apology, no promise, no solution.
I fucked up, and that’s all there is to it.
“What, you don’t have anything to say? You managed to talk my dad into bed, but you can’t even say sorry to me?” Her cheeks are bright with anger as she crosses her arms over chest and rakes a withering glance over me. “Do you know how old he is? Do you know anything about him at all?”
I wish I could tell her the little things I’ve noticed and the stories he’s shared, but I can’t even manage to open my mouth. I just stare at her, overwhelmed and exhausted.
“You have no idea what he’s been through.” Those words are heavy with pain, the anger in them an afterthought. “You showed up here to do a job. What are you going to do when it’s over? Just leave and break my dad’s heart?”
A wounded sound breaks free of my throat, and it feels like a dam coming loose. A moment ago, I couldn’t find a single word to say, now it seems like I have too many. They all try to rush out of me at once, but the result is the same. Silence.
I’m silent, mourning my own actions, wishing I could take it all back so no one would be hurt.
Everett’s heart is already broken. If whatever’s between us matters to him as much as it matters to me, he’ll be torn to shreds if I leave. I should never have let myself get this close to him, no matter how much I want him.
Tears slip down my cheek, and Jenny’s face twists in anger at the sight of it.
“Don’t youdarefucking cry in front of me,” she says harshly. “Tony said your car is busted, but as soon as it’s fixed, I want you gone. Understood?”
I don’t nod. I can’t bring myself to agree to that, no matter how much I know I should. I’ve already caused enough problems, haven’t I? Jenny shoulders past me when I don’t answer, hot disgust radiating off her.
I open the door to my room and step inside only to collapse back against it. It thuds closed loudly, but I can’t bring myself to care. My legs are shaking so badly that I can hardly hold myself up, and I swing one hand up to clasp it over my mouth. I squeeze down hard, hoping against all hope that I can keep myself quiet. My chest feels like it’s caving in on itself and I can hardly pull air into my lungs. Tears leave scorching trails down my cheeks, and I bite into the meat of my palm to stop myself from sobbing.
I stagger over to my bed, my legs giving out just as I reach it. My whole body is so weak that I feel like I just ran a marathon, but my head is swimming with pain and fear.
Jenny is right, isn’t she? I showed up and didn’t listen to my own damn common sense, and look where it got me. I’ve never been driven by emotion, have always prided myself on my ability to keep a cool head and make rational decisions even when other people get overwhelmed. All of that got thrown out the window here, and it’s done nothing but hurt people.
I hardly know Jenny, but she always worked so hard in college, and the memories I have of her all revolve around the ranch. All she would ever talk about was getting to work with her dad, how proud she was of getting to take over the books.
And Everett tried to keep me at arm’s length. He tried so hard to stick to himself, but I was too stubborn. I kept poking and prodding until I got him to drop his walls, and when I saw the tender, kind man that was hiding behind them, I couldn’t help myself. I want to protect him, to shield him from the pain the world has caused him, and all I’m doing is hurting him more.
All I’m doing is hurting the man I love.
Fuck.
